President BHO has recently appointed himself Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in March 2012. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak and will NOT be available for reading or review before the final amendments and new rules are actually passed by his highness ‘persona non-veto.’ Here are a few of the proposed changes…
Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term”gimmie” will be changed to”entitlement”and will be used as follows:
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only “net score” against every other player’s gross score. These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf and bring HOPE to millions of underserved working stiff (albeit shitty) golfers across the country.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the “Right thing to do.”