This is my personal rant for the week… I swear these banks and their generally crappy, arrogant and out of touch employees need to be deep-sixed once and for all. The only problem is you and I. We need to pull our accounts, pull our deposits and just seriously put pressure on everyone we know to do same. Here goes… make sure you’re sittin down.

So I get a personal check from another person today. Her check was written from Regions Bank where she banks. So Regions Bank is close to me and I drive there to cash the check… of course, I park and walk inside to do my deed because I know I’ll get ugly stares from the teller at the drive thru if I try to cash the check being a non-Regions Bank account holder along with being told to come inside anyways. For the record, I used to have my accounts at Regions Bank but they nickel and dimed me to death and I swear every employee of theirs goes through “How to Piss Off Customers” training while riding those stupid green bikes.

So anyway, I walk in to cash the check and walk up to the counter, give the teller my drivers license and signed check. He comes back to me in about a minute and says, “sir, are you no longer a Regions account holder?” I say yes, that’s correct I left your shitty, thievin bank two years ago. No, I didn’t really say that… I just nodded and said yes, no longer an account holder. He says, “sir, you’re gonna have to go see that lady over there at the desk so she can fingerprint you before you can cash this check.” No foolin, he really said it just like that. I guess I had that look of criminality but I was clean shaven and I think I smelled alright.

So I go see this fingerprinting bank policewoman. Her name is Rosaria. I say, “hi, the teller said I need to come see you to get my fingerprints to cash this check.” She says, “sir, I’m busy I’ll be right with you.” So much for that nice, warm fuzzy feeling…So I sit down in the chair at her desk area. She looks at me like I’m invading her space and then says “sir, you need to remove your hat inside the bank.” (I was wearing my Tampa Bay Lightning hockey hat with pride). I said, “what?” with, I’m pretty sure, a look of WTF did this lady just say to me? Not a question… no, it was a demand.

She says in a more stern peed off tone, “sir you need to take that hat off inside the bank.” I said, “are you kidding me? I have have NEVER been inside a bank where I’ve been told to remove my hat.” She says, “sir, you need to take the hat off now for your security and mine!” What? Do you think my hat is going to assault you, you crazy woman?

I said “this is freakin ridiculous I cannot believe you’re actually serious.” I take my hat off in compliance and protest while trying to rub out the hat head I know I have. She must be feeling really good about herself now, embarrassing a potential customer.

So now, as if this isn’t enough, she now says, “I’m gonna have to call the account holder to see if she has authorized this check.” I said, “what? are you kidding me? I’ve cashed checks at banks for decades where I’m not an account holder and I have never been told to remove my hat and then you gotta call the account holder to see if this is legitimate. I’m giving you my stinking license, I’ve removed my hat as if I’m some criminal so you’re bank cameras can get a good shot at my hat head and now you want to call the account holder? What if she doesn’t answer the phone?”

She says, “sir, if you’d just be patient, let me make the call..” So she makes the call, gets voice mail, leaves a message. Then she calls her colleague in crime in the next office over on the phone and wants colleague to see if there are any other phone numbers on file for the account holder. Nope, only that one phone number. So she looks at me with disdain and says, “sir, I’m sorry but I need to talk to the account holder before I can cash this check, if you’d like to wait out there…”

I interrupted her mid sentence and by now I’m sure my face looked criminal and I about leapt over the desk to grab the check and my license and stormed out saying “forget it lady, I’ll go to my friendly community bank where I have an account and cash it there…”

True story. Could NOT believe it. Still don’t. Leave Regions if you bank with them, PLEASE! They completely suck ass. Bank of America too… Wells Fargo and Chase too now that I think about it.

Seriously, go to a local credit  union or community bank. Just pull YOUR money out of these suck ass institutions, let these shitty employees get laid off when they start to go under and give your business to a bank and employees who actually care and don’t treat you like a criminal. Un-flippin-believable.

No, believable now that I think of it. I’m going to go into that suck-ass branch once a week with the biggest damn hat I can find and just walk around for a few minutes and tell Rosaria how much she needs to get a life – and a new job.