May
21

South Carolina Foreclosure Laws

CLICK BELOW FOR:

State of South Carolina Foreclosure Laws

The link above will take you to the page dedicated to South Carolina’s foreclosure laws.  But, always remember… often people have a hard time understanding exactly what our laws mean just by reading them, so we always recommend that you contact an attorney and ask any questions you may have.

In South Caroline, the Mandelman Matters “trusted attorney,” is Russell A. DeMott.  You can reach him by clicking below, and he’s happy to answer your questions about South Carolina foreclosure or anything related, so don’t worry about calling or sending him an email.

DeMott Law Firm, P.A.

May
21

State of South Carolina Foreclosure Resource Links

This Page Sponsored By…

Russell A. DeMott, Attorney

DeMott Law Firm, P.A.
1516 Trolley Road, Suite 100A
Summerville, SC 29485

STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA GOVERNMENT RESOURCES:

Office of the South Carolina State Auditor

Richard H. Gilbert, Jr., CPA
Interim State Auditor

South Carolina Attorney General

Alan Wilson

South Carolina Budget & Control Board

South Carolina Department of Commerce

South Carolina Department of Insurance

Consumer Complaint Form

South Carolina Department of Revenue

South Carolina Division of Consumer Affairs

Nikki R. Haley

South Carolina Legislative Council

Stephen T. Draffin
Code Commissioner and Director
South Carolina Legislative Council

Senator Glenn McConnell

Senate Calendar

STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA FORECLOSURE RESOURCES:

Avoid Foreclosure: South Carolina

Columbia Field Office Email: SC_Webmanager@hud.gov

Contact HUD – South Carolina

eHOW money – How to Prevent Foreclosure in South Carolina

Family Services, Inc.

Foreclosure Prevention

RentLaw.com - South Carolina Eviction Law

South Carolina Appleseed – Legal Justice Center

Mortgage Foreclosure in South Carolina Brochure

South Carolina Foreclosure Laws

South Carolina Human Affairs Commission

South Carolina Legal Services

South Carolina Pro Bono Legal Services

SOUTH CAROLINA SHORT SALE RESOURCES:

ShortSaleLaws.net

The Homeownership Resource Center

STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:

South Carolina Demographics

 

South Carolina State Election Commission

Find Your Polling Place – Vote!

Register to Vote

State of South Carolina Website

REPORT FRAUD OR SCAMS IN SOUTH CAROLINA:

Prevent Loan Scams - South Carolina

South Carolina Department of Labor, Licensing and Regulation

How to File A Complaint

STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA COURTS:

Charleston School of Law Sol Blatt Jr. Law Library

South Carolina Circuit Court

South Carolina Court of Appeals

South Carolina Supreme Court

Supreme Court Law Library

University of South Carolina Coleman Karesh Law Library

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT RESOURCES:

Fannie Mae Loan Look-Up Tool – Find out if your loan is owned by Fannie Mae here.

Freddie Mac Loan Look-Up Tool – Find out if Freddie Mac owns your loan here.

Homeowner Crisis Resource Center – Includes tips on avoiding foreclosure.

Homeownership Preservation Foundation – Find Credit Counseling here and HERE.

Information on the OCC’s Independent Foreclosure Review

MyMoney.gov - This site organizes financial education help from over 20 different Federal web sites in one place, including dealing with mortgages.

OCC’s Tips for Avoiding Foreclosure Rescue Scams

Office of the Comptroller of the Currency – For Complaints Against National Banks

Service Members Civil Relief Act – The Act that postpones or suspends certain civil obligations to enable service members to devote their full attention to duty and to relieve stress on their families. The act covers:

•       Outstanding credit card debt

•       Mortgage payments

•       Pending trials

•       Taxes

•       Termination of lease

•       Eviction from housing

•       Life insurance protection

Get more information at Military.com or at HUD’s National Servicing Center, and here is Information for Veterans from HUD.

U.S. Congressional Representative Look-up Tool


May
21

SOUTH CAROLINA Foreclosure Help from Mandelman Matters – START HERE

You have found the Mandelman Matters state specific series of pages dedicated to homeowners at risk of foreclosure in South Carolina.

On the pages in this section you’ll find accurate, straightforward information and guidance specific to the State of South Carolina related to such topics as loan modifications, short sales, foreclosure defense litigation, bankruptcy… and other topics related to getting through the foreclosure crisis.

 

We’ve created these South Carolina specific pages in response to the proliferation of scammers polluting the Internet with misinformation and outright lies intended to sell something to homeowners at risk of foreclosure that they don’t need.  These sites are literally everywhere, and some are very good at appearing credible, when in fact they are nothing more than elaborate cons.

 

Well, we’ve taken great care to make sure that the information you’ll find here is always correct… always impartial… always based on real facts… and always easy to understand.

 

In case you’re not already familiar with me, my name is Martin Andelman and for going on four years, I’ve been writing the widely read blog Mandelman Matters.  Over the last three and a half years, I’ve written more than 650 in-depth articles covering the political, economic, social and legal aspects of the financial and foreclosure crises.

 

I decided that I had to do more to help stop homeowners from getting ripped off, by providing the state specific information homeowners need to make the right decisions for their individual goals and circumstances.  Moving forward on the best possible path… that’s what my state specific pages are all about.

 

And just so you know, I’ve never been in the mortgage business or the real estate business, but for more than twenty years I’ve been a writer that specializes in making complex subjects easy for people to understand… oh yeah, and people say I’m funny.  I have in-depth experience writing about subjects that fall under the broad headings of accounting, insurance, financial services and law.

 

You can read a lot more about me HEREHERE, and HERE.

 

You may want to start by getting to know my trusted attorney for the State of South Carolina, Russell A. DeMott.

No one pays to be listed as a trusted attorney on Mandelman Matters… that’s just not how it works.  The lawyers I list as trusted… are simply those I trust.  And when I say that, I mean that I would trust these people to represent me, or to watch my house while I went away on vacation for the summer.

 

In order to write close to 700 articles on the economic situation we’re facing today, I had to learn everything possible about the mortgage and foreclosure crises.  Not only did I read dozens of books, research reports, court decisions, and more… I also had to interview a lot of people and many were attorneys from all over the country.  Over time, some became good friends.  So, when homeowners would call me to ask if I could recommend a lawyer, I would refer them to one that I had gotten to know well, and trusted.

 

As a Mandelman Matters trusted attorney, Russell DeMott has agreed to take calls from South Carolina homeowners who have questions about foreclosures, and help them by providing answers regardless of whether the caller decides to hire his firm or not.  So, if you want to talk with someone who knows foreclosure in South Carolina, please don’t hesitate to call him.

For DeMott Law Firm’s contact information CLICK HERE.

And, if you’re looking for State ResourcesCLICK HERE.

Need to know more about South Carolina Foreclosure LawsCLICK HERE.

Want to read my latest post about South Carolina on Mandelman Matters?  CLICK HERE.

May
21

“Tim, could you get the door?” “Sure, honey… are we expecting company?” “Not that I know of…”

 

As many as 1,000 surprise guests visited the Bethesda home of Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Sunday around 5:00 PM.  They sang, they prayed  and they tried to deliver a letter to Mr. Geithner… but according to the Wall Street Journal’s story, no one answered the door.

The group was organized by National People’s Action, and they said that they went to the Geithner residence because they want Tim to launch an investigation into the causes of the 2008 financial crisis, impose a tax on profits from speculative trades, and roughly 60 people just wanted to use the family’s rest room after a long bus ride to Bethesda.

All we are saying’, is give fleece a chance…

Okay, so… Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Robin.

Robin who?

Robbin’ the middle class in America.

I already told you, I don’t know where the $16 trillion went.  

I just wanted to thank the nice people at National People’s Action for going to Tim’s house Sunday, and not mine.

“Does that taste like actual dog poo to you?”  ”Yep, ‘fraid so.”

 ”Oh God, what do we do? I think I’m going to heave.”

“Just spit it into the napkin, and look for a rear exit.”

“I told you we shouldn’t attend a Save Your Home America luncheon.”

“Yeah, well you’re the genius who said order the meatloaf.”

“Okay, now I’ll explain it one more time… You guys are down here.  And see the bankers, why they’re way up here.  And it’s true that the gap between here and here is getting larger, but that’s only because you guys down here aren’t excelling like the bankers are.  You need to do better.”

Yeah, I’ve got a plan, and it’s an evil plan too, Bwhahahahahaha.”

“No, no, no… not me again. Pick Ben, pick Ben, pick Ben…”

“Look, I paid last time, now get that wallet out of your pocket and pick up a check for once in your life, or I swear, I’ll call a press conference and tell the reporters that I found the $9 trillion they’ve been asking about and you’ve got it.”

“Yeah, so what if I have had a couple of drinks. Go ahead, ask me again and see what I do…

TARP, TARP, BO-BARP, BANANA FANA FO FARP… FI MO MARP, TARP.

See, I’ll be sober in the morning, but you’ll still be stupid.”

“Okay, now here’s where I show you how well the economy is performing with hand gestures, while I make Vrooomm sounds with my mouth. Last time I did this the market opened up almost  100 points so you guys might want to open your E-trade Apps.”

May
21

South Carolina Foreclosure Defense Attorney

Russell A. DeMott, Attorney

DeMott Law Firm, P.A.
1516 Trolley Road, Suite 100A
Summerville, SC 29485
May
21

How to Strategic Default? Ask the MBA.

images

If you want to know how to strategic default, ask the MBA… Mortgage Banking Association.

The CEO of the powerful Mortgage Bankers Association, John Courson, has said that underwater borrowers should keep paying on their mortgage loans and “should not walk away from lawful debts”.  In an interview this past year, Courson appeared genuinely concerned adding:

“What about the message they will send to their family and their kids and their friends?”

Obviously, Mr. Courson was not just speaking as a defender of financial institutions. Clearly, he was showing how much he cares for people and their personal relationships.  He believes the children are our future.  He thinks we should teach them well and let them lead the way.  That we should show them all the beauty they posses inside.  Give them a sense of pride.  To make it easier… let the children’s laughter… remind us how we used to be.

Thank you John… you’re no Whitney Houston, but you’ve got me all teary eyed over here.

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There’s just one little, teeny-tiny, almost insignificant smidgeon of a problem with what the Mortgage Bankers Association’s CEO was saying: He was completely full of shit.

This past week, the Co-Star Group, Inc., indicated that it had agreed to buy the MBA’s 10-story headquarters building in DC for $41.3 million.  The only problem is that $41.3 million comes up a skosh shy of the $75 million first mortgage on the building that the MBA took out from PNC Financial Group way back in 2007, when they purchased the property for $79 million.

You remember 2007, don’t you John?  That was the last year that all of those irresponsible homeowners, thinking real estate prices would go up forever, kept over leveraging themselves, buying properties without the traditional 20% down payment.  What a bunch of irresponsible idiots, right Johnny Boy?  Now that the bubble has popped, those homeowners should just be taking their medicine like men, don’t you agree John?  The last thing they should do is walk away from their lawful debts, isn’t that what you said?

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So I mean, what kind of message are YOU now sending to your family, your children, and your friends by walking away from your lawful $75 million debt?  Are they being morally harmed by your decision to stick the bank with close to $25 million?  And why aren’t you simply paying your mortgage as agreed, Mr. Courson? You’re not trying to destroy prices of commercial properties in Washington D.C. are you?

Just last year, you pointed out that defaults hurt neighborhoods by lowering property values, so borrowers would do less harm to our society were they just to repay what they owe.  You know… like the responsible homeowners.

(Oh, and this just in from my favorite bankruptcy attorney and all-around thought leader, Max Gardner, the MBA also defaulted on their payments and secured a forbearance agreement, prior to the short sale.  Nicely done, Johnny-O.  Maybe you should open a loan mod firm and start helping homeowners.)

Well, I think I’ve got your message, Mr. Courson.  I know exactly what you wanted to say to your family, your children and your friends…

Do as I say.  Not as I pay.

Does that about sum it up for you, Mr. John Courson?

Yeah, I thought so.

Jackass.

images-3

May
21

California Foreclosure Laws Need Homeowner Bill of Rights

 

My regular readers will likely remember past articles in which I stated that we would not win this battle over foreclosures by fighting individually in the courts.  I’ve stated on numerous occasions that we needed to bring political pressure to bear and fight this in our legislatures, both state and federal, because for our judges to be of more help, we need some new laws to be written and some older laws to change.

 

The fact is that over the last thirty years, as the financial sector was steadily growing in size it was increasing its ability to influence our legislative system.

 

While we were all in a debt-induced coma wandering around aimlessly at our respective shopping malls, the banking lobby was busy making sure that essentially every single state or federal law proposed, having to do with creditors and debtors, either blatantly favored, or at the very least tilted towards the creditor’s interests… certainly not the borrowers’.

 

Now, as we’re facing a crisis of unprecedented proportion, we’re learning the hard way that our rights as borrowers are almost non-existent.  In California and around the country, foreclosure defense lawyers saw that mortgage servicers could far too often pretty much foreclose at will using almost anything as documentation.

 

Mickey could sign it… Donald could notarize it, and it just didn’t matter very often.

 

I also came to realize that as far as messages go, saying that the courts would not be the answer we were looking for went over like a lead balloon.  And since telling people something that they hate hearing is no fun, I tried not to bring it up any more than was necessary.

 

The problem is, and I realized this yesterday… I WAS RIGHT… AM RIGHT. 

 

A few days ago I noticed that several California politicians were announcing a town hall type meeting on the foreclosure crisis that could be viewed online.  They were even soliciting questions from the general public.  (I submitted a few but wouldn’t you know it, mine weren’t chosen.)

 

Yesterday, I watched the video… it’s an hour long and you’ll find it below.

 

I also watched various individuals, from homeowners to housing counselors to consumer advocates, give testimony related to the proposed bills, and one thing came crashing through… I should have testified.

 

I would have made a significant difference.

 

What I learned watching both the testimony and the round table with the politicians was that the knowledge base of those making policy decisions related to the foreclosure crisis has much room for improvement and expansion.  Clearly, no one has filled them in properly in numerous areas.  And we are making a HUGE mistake by not marshaling our forces to get involved in the political process and make our voices heard.

 

 

State’s AG Backs California Homeowners Bill of Rights

 

In an effort to prevent now well-documented foreclosure abuses, California’s Attorney General has been pushing the state’s legislature to adopt a series of legislative proposals containing stricter consumer protections related to mortgage servicing and foreclosure.

 

The proposals are part of what’s come to be called the “Homeowner’s Bill of Rights.”

 

Politicians, no doubt recognizing that this was not a debate they wanted to be having publicly and desperate for political cover, decided to take many of the proposals out of the normal legislative process and place them instead into what’s being called, “a special conference committee.”

 

The special committee’s members, if it matters and I’m not at all sure that it does, include four Democrats and two Republicans.  State senators Noreen Evans and Ron Calderon… and Assembly members Mike Feuer and Mike Eng are the Democrats.  Senator Sam Blakeslee and Assembly member Donald Wagner are representing the GOP on the committee.

 

Party affiliation may not be important because just like all the past legislative proposals related to preventing abuses in the foreclosure process, the Homeowner Bill of Rights is vehemently opposed by the banking lobby.  And that means that the more important distinction will likely prove to be who is pro-banker and who is pro-consumer, or at least somewhat neutral.

 

So, how does the committee break down in that regard?  Here’s a quick look:

 

Noreen Evans appears to me to be pro-consumer, with stated policy priorities that include protecting the environment, fighting for women and children, and the reform of our legal system.  Currently, she chairs the Senate Judiciary Committee.

 

Also, her district covers Humboldt, Lake, Mendocino, Napa, Solano, and Sonoma counties.  However, and not that this in conclusive, she previously served in the State Assembly (2004-2010) and during that time she was a member of the Assembly’s Banking and Finance Committee.

 

 

Mike Feuer seems to be at least neutral, if not solidly pro-consumer.  He’s a graduate of Harvard College and Harvard Law School.  He chairs the State Assembly’s Judiciary Committee, but previously he co-chaired the Assembly’s Working Group on Jobs and Economic Recovery, and chaired the Budget Subcommittee on Transportation and Information Technology.

 

Also, while serving on the Los Angeles City Council, Feuer co-authored the Affordable Housing Trust Fund, funded meals for 75,000 indigent seniors, led efforts to create playgrounds accessible to disabled children, and bolstered the city’s Ethics Commission.

 

 

Ron Calderon is an ex-banker, and I think it’s more than safe to say that left to his own devices, he’ll vote with the banking lobby every single time.  Today, Calderon chairs the very influential Senate Insurance Committee, which I believe until recently was the “banking and insurance committee,” but during his two previous terms in the State Assembly, he served as chair of the Banking and Finance Committee.

 

Calderon says his policy priorities include a balanced state budget, strengthening state and local infrastructure, creating jobs, and protecting the rights of consumers.

 

The problem is that Calderon’s idea of protecting consumer rights is presumably what drove him to sponsor California’s SB 94, a bill signed into law by the governor in 2009, ostensibly designed to protect consumers from foreclosure scams, but that ended up doing nothing more than chasing legitimate attorneys away from helping homeowners get their loans modified.

 

Almost three years later, foreclosure related scammers remain ubiquitous in California, while now, in the hands of the State Bar, SB 94 threatens to make it literally impossible for a homeowner to hire a lawyer to help with a loan modification.  I understand why the Mortgage Bankers Association supported SB 94, but I for one don’t need or want that kind of “protection,” thank you anyway.

 

 

Mike Eng chairs the Assembly Committee on Banking & Finance, which oversees California’s financial institutions, real property finance, and corporate securities law.  The Committee develops and shapes public policy in such as areas as mortgage foreclosures, payday lending, regulation of state chartered banks and credit unions, consumer lending, and financial privacy.

 

That seems pretty conclusive, I understand, but watch him talk on the subject of the Homeowner Bill of Rights on the video below.  He makes clear that public support or the lack thereof is going to be a key driver of the committee’s decision.

 

 

Sam Blakeslee’s says he’s “known as one of the state legislature’s most bipartisan members,” and he chairs the Select Committee on Recovery, Reform and Realignment, which is described as a bipartisan Senate think tank.

 

But, Blakeslee is also president of his family’s business, the investment firm Blakeslee & Blakeslee, founded in 1971.  He is a Certified Financial Planner, a Registered Securities Principal, and a Registered Municipals Principal.  So, I don’t know what all that means, necessarily, but I’d say it’s worth keeping an eye on this guy for sure.  Maybe he’s the state’s most bi-partisan banker.

 

 

And finally, Don Wagner, the Vice-Chair of the Assembly Judiciary Committee, is from South Orange County (I live in North Orange County, by the way), and it looks to me like he’s a typical Orange Country conservative Republican… he ran for his seat in the State Assembly on a platform of fiscal responsibility… which on its face, doesn’t bode well as far as his support for the Homeowner’s Bill of Rights goes.

 

His website says that his “district has not raised taxes, but by floating bonds, it has paid off all of its debts, and balanced every budget.”  So, does that mean that he floated bonds to take on the debt needed to pay off the debt?  I’m not trying to be funny… that’s what it says on his site.

 

Wagner’s a lawyer involved with the Orange County Bar Association and he’s served as a Judge Pro Tempore in the Superior Court of Orange County.  He also founded the Orange County Chapter of the Federalist Society, which is “a national organization of conservative lawyers, judges, and law professors committed to ensuring a judicial integrity and strict adherence to the Constitution of the United States.”

 

Were I a betting man, and I am, I’d have to bet he’s a vote against the Homeowner’s Bill of Rights, but I’m certainly willing to be proven wrong.

 

Scoreboard says…

 

So, based on that cursory analysis and absent any information to the contrary, I’d say that as far as the “special committee” goes, the score at halftime is:

 

BANKERS – 4                        CONSUMERS – 2

 

Under just about any other circumstances, I’d say that based on who the committee’s members are… the fix was in.  I’d stop following the Homeowners Bill of Rights and just wait to read bad legislative news once again… “Killed in committee, but thank you for playing.  The End.”

 

But, this time I’m not so sure how this will turn out, especially if I were to be successful at getting others involved… like I was with Norm Rousseau’s suicide, for example.  Or even half that successful would probably do it.

 

Which, of course, ultimately comes down to you.

 

Here’s why I think this time could be different:

 

  • Attorney General Kamala Harris is publicly backing the Homeowner’s Bill of Rights.  It’s the first thing you see when you visit her website.  And it’s an election year.

 

  • Servicer abuses and misconduct are now very well documented and widely known.  The DOJ settlement provides some $17 billion in principal reductions nationwide, and California gets the majority of that amount.  Plus, there’s another $8 billion involved.  That’s going to keep a light shining on whatever is happening for a while.

 

  • California is the third hardest hit state, but its size makes it number one by far.  Our state budget deficit is the result of the foreclosure crisis, and the austerity ahead is going to touch everyone’s life, not just those at risk of foreclosure, and last for several years.

 

  • This time, everybody’s watching, which is why the politicians pulled the Bill of Rights proposals into a “special committee.”  It’s dark in there and they’re hoping they can kill it without anyone seeing who done it.  But that’s not going to be easy this time around.

 

  • This time, maybe enough Californian’s have been affected by the crisis, or see that they’re about to be affected by the crisis, so they’ll actually take the time to send emails and contact their elected representatives… and ask that their friends and family do the same.

 

The only way this country ever gets onto a path not fraught with risk of pain, civil unrest, and violence is if some balance is restored.  The pendulum has been allowed to swing too far to one side… it can’t stay there… the question is how is gets pushed back.  As Robert Reich says in his brilliant book, “Aftershock,” the two choices are radical revolt or radical reform.  (If you haven’t read it I HIGHLY recommend it.”)

 

Regardless, the fact that our elected representatives still have such a rudimentary understanding of the crisis and its impact on our society is proof that we are failing to educate them.  Homeowners are spending more time talking about robo-signing than they are talking to their elected representatives at the state and federal levels.

 

I’m not saying we should stop anything.  But I am saying we need to significantly expand our communications capabilities.  And I know we can do so fairly easily…

 

… Norman Rousseau taught me that.

 

More people read, shared, forwarded and talked about the story I wrote about Norm’s suicide than any of the articles I’ve written in the past.  And that’s sad.

 

Consider the following 3 facts:

 

A. When it comes to our politicians, there’s only one thing more important than money in this country… and that’s getting reelected.  If politicians think banking lobby money is what’s needed to get them reelected, then they’ll vote with the banking lobby.

 

But, if they realize that by voting with consumers they won’t need banking lobby money to get reelected… and that if they do vote with the banking lobby, there’s not enough money in the world to get them reelected… why, then they’ll vote with consumers.

 

B. There are only two ways to gain real political influence in this country.  One involves having a lot of money, and on that front we’ll never win… they’ve got the money advantage cornered.

 

The other way to gain political influence is to have a lot of people, and that’s currency we should be able to come up with in the thousands, or even millions. Already, there are easily 20 million Americans that have been directly affected by the foreclosure crisis… enough to sway a national election if organized.

 

C. This is an election year.  Right now, in Washington D.C. those in the House of Representatives all know that soon, they’ll be coming home to campaign for reelection in their home districts.  And right now, they’re polling their constituents and likely voters to see what’s on their minds, because they don’t want to come home to find people throwing tomatoes at them.

 

If any one of them received 500 emails on the same topic right now, they’d start sweating like Rick Santorum at HomoCon-2012. 

 

(Or, maybe like… Tim Geithner at a Save My Home convention?  Pelosi on a duck hunt with Cheney?  Boehner at a Hallmark Film Festival?  G.W. Bush on Jeopardy?)

 

 

WE’LL WIN BECAUSE WE’RE RIGHT.

 

The special committee is reviewing what are considered to be the “more far-reaching of the proposals.”

 

So, what the heck does that mean?  Well, it includes things like a law that would, according to the San Bernardino County Sun

 

“… prohibit foreclosures whenever a homeowner makes a timely application for a loan modification, mandate that banks establish a single-point of contact for borrowers facing foreclosure, and let borrowers challenge proceedings in court, among other things.”

 

Well, why didn’t you say so?  Good Lord, those things are incredibly “far reaching.”  In fact, I could have sworn that one of them just reached out from Sacramento and tickled my tushie some 400 miles away.  That’s some reach, I’ll tell you what.

 

Banking industry representatives are said to oppose these ideas on grounds that they may encourage strategic defaults and spurious lawsuits.

 

To which I would only reply: Prospice tibi, ut Gallia, tu quoque in tres partes dividaris.

 

(Latin, meaning: “Watch out, you might end up divided into three parts, like Gaul.”)

 

Come on, banking industry representatives… why would any of those things increase the probability for strategic default, or was that just all you guys could come up with on short notice.  What happened to, “there won’t be any more lending or borrowing costs will rise?”  Those didn’t make any sense either, but I was getting comfortable with them nonetheless.  Strategic default?  Phooey.

 

And spurious lawsuits?  I’m not sure we both understand what that word means, that is to say… I do… but do you guys?  Would you like to know what’s causing the spurious lawsuits in California?  I’ll be happy to tell you.

 

It’s SB 94, which was your idea in the first place, was it not?  Don’t try to tell me that it was Senator Calderon’s idea because clearly he’s a marionette.  You chase all the legitimate lawyers away from helping homeowners modify loans and what you get are spurious lawsuits by the hundred.  Haven’t you figured that out yet?

 

Attorney General Harris has said exactly what I was suggesting several months ago when the settlement was first announced, albeit a tad prematurely.  She said it’s important to strengthen due process by writing some of the provisions of the national mortgage settlement with the nation’s five largest banks into state law.

 

Finally, there is intelligent life in politics.  It absolutely takes my breath away that finally, someone in a position of power actually agreed with me about something.

 

And I wrote the following on March 1, 2012

 

If the new servicer standards were made into state law that had a private right of action and a provision for attorneys fees, that would save homes and stop foreclosures, and it would do so more effectively than any amount of money.

 

I’m not talking about bailouts for borrowers, I just want the rules associated with a national program to be followed and enforced, and I think every homeowner in the country should and would want that too, regardless of whether at risk of foreclosure or not at this moment.

 

Every homeowner in America should want federal programs to operate as they were intended to operate.  It’s not about who is at risk of foreclosure and who isn’t.  It’s simply about being in favor of basic fairness in our federal or state programs.  No one should oppose any of those ideals, and those that suffered as a result of being deprived such fairness would engender sympathy from others.

 

We simply have to do what the Attorney General is suggesting… otherwise all we’ll have are another set of HAMP guidelines, and we don’t need another set of useless guidelines that no one follows and no one can enforce.

 

No one should want that, by the way, because we understand that “HAMP HAPPENS.” 

 

But, if HAMP HAPPENS TWICEstrategic defaults and spurious lawsuits are going to look like a picnic at the beach on a sunny day with someone you love.

 

A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO ATTORNEY GENERAL HARRIS…

Okay, I’m a HUGE fan.  Brilliant!  How can I help?

 Reach me anytime at mandelman@mac.com.

Mandelman out.

# # #

NOW CLICK PLAY TO WATCH CALIFORNIA’S

Foreclosure Crisis Town Hall

May
19

Arizona Foreclosure News – More like a motivational pep talk for Realtors

Arizonans interested in the foreclosure process got some housing market news this week that seemed to make most everyone in the state darn near exuberant.  It was nice to see in many ways, after all it’s been a long time since there was positive housing market news in the Valley of the Sun.

 

But, it was kind of sad, too.  Why do I say that?  Read on… you’ll see.

 

One headline proclaimed that in terms of foreclosure activity, a 44 percent year-over-year decrease ranked Arizona fourth worst among the states in April.  A few months ago Arizona took over the number one spot from Nevada, who had been in the number one position for some five years.

 

Here’s how the APRIL numbers looked for the top four slots in the race to the bottom:

 

#4 – Arizona – 1 out of every 377 homes received foreclosure notice.

#3 – Florida – 1 out of every 364 homes received foreclosure notice.

#2 – California – 1 out of every 351 homes received  foreclosure notice.

#1 – Nevada – 1 out of every 300 homes received foreclosure notice.

 

In March, RealtyTrac’s monthly report showed Arizona with one out of every 300 homes receiving a foreclosure notice, which put Arizona in first place that month.

 

And, what does all that come to in real numbers?  Well, in March, the State of Arizona saw 9,497 foreclosure filings, while in April there were only 7,550.

 

So, if you’re anything like me, you’re sitting there wondering what the heck constitutes a “foreclosure filing?”

 

Well, funny story…

 

As defined by RealtyTrac, it could be a Notice of Default, or a Notice of Sale, which means that “foreclosure filings” could be double counted because the number in one month could be actions against previously foreclosed properties.   Or, maybe not… we simply don’t know.

 

Why don’t we know?  Because RealtyTrac is so entirely full of horsey do-do that the entire organization should be lined up against a wall and shot a dawn for pedaling garbage statistics in a state still being decimated by the foreclosure crisis.

 

Further, one should also remember that both “foreclosure filings,” whether Notice of Default or Notice of Sale, are generated by the servicer, so as if the data presented didn’t already have enough holes in them, it could also just be that servicers sent out fewer of one or the other, or both in April than they did in March.

 

Perhaps they slowed down because the five largest servicers spent April preparing to comply with the DOJ settlement.  Or, may it was because they sent out so many more in March and February.  We don’t know any of those answers either because once again, RealtyTrac is feeding us pabulum.

 

Here’s some of the twaddle RealtyTrac released, as seen on Arizona Public Media:

 

Nationally, April foreclosure activity decreased 5 percent from the previous month and was down 14 percent from April 2011, RealtyTrac reported. One in every 698 U.S. housing units had a foreclosure filing during the month.

 

Oh, goodie… a national average.  How about you guys at RealtyTrac take out North Dakota and similar states, reshuffle and deal these cards again.  NOBODY lives in National Average.

 

The company reported that foreclosure activity rose in many states, but the national number was down year to year as a result of sharp declines in the big three — California, Nevada and Arizona — and an increase in short sales, which stop the foreclosure process.

 

So, “foreclosure activity,” whatever the hell that means… “ROSE” in “MANY” states, did it?  Why is it that you guys at RealtyTrac have no trouble providing useless numbers, but when it comes to a number that might have some meaning, it’s MIA?

 

A “SHARP DECLINE” in the big three?  Sharp decline of what exactly?  “Foreclosure activity,” or “foreclosure filings,” which are either Notices of Default or Notices of Sale?”  These guys at RealtyTrac obviously majored in “Obfuscation,” with a minor in “Deceptive Speech.”

 

“Rising foreclosure activity in many state and local markets in April was masked at the national level by sizable decreases in hard-hit foreclosure states like California, Arizona and Nevada,” RealtyTrac CEO Brandon Moore said in a press release.

 

Okay, you tell me… isn’t that paragraph above entirely redundant when viewed next to the preceding paragraph?  If you answered no to that question, I’d like to suggest that you go jump in a lake.

 

“In addition, more distressed loans are being diverted into short sales rather than becoming completed foreclosures,” Moore said. “Our preliminary first quarter sales data shows that pre-foreclosure sales — typically short sales — are on pace to outnumber sales of bank-owned properties during the quarter in California, Arizona and 10 other states.”

 

And that incomplete and/or inconsistent comparison has succeeded in generating a completely fallacious argument.  So, very well done there.  Your ability to use a high word count while remaining entirely irrelevant or meaningless, is awe inspiring.

 

In its tracking of the 20 biggest metro areas, RealtyTrac reported Phoenix had the fourth worst rate in April, at 313 housing units with a foreclosure filing. That was down 22.6 percent from March and down 44.4 percent from April 2011.

 

And we’ve come full circle, so we’re bank to trying to figure out why banks sent out fewer Notice of Defaults, or Notice of Sales, if in fact they did at all… or, whether we’ve just got a lot of double counting going on since a “foreclosure filing,” could be on an already foreclosed home.

 

Here are some additional nonsensical numbers released by the Mortgage Bankers Association this past week…

 

  •  In Utah, March foreclosures  up 74 percent over February. 
  • In New Jersey, April foreclosures up 72 percent over March. 
  • In Tampa and Chicago, February foreclosures up 64 and 43 percent over January, respectively 
  • In Pennsylvania, April foreclosures up 23.6 percent over April of 2011, but Notice of Defaults up 115 percent over last year.

 

Now, here we are in mid-May and we’re to believe that everything has changed for the better?  That was then… this is now, is that the idea?  Complete poppycock.

 

 

Here’s how the Mortgage Bankers Association chose to confuse people in Utah last week…

 

The Mortgage Bankers Association yesterday released a report claiming that the share of Utah’s home loans at least 30 days late dropped to 7.4 percent… from 7.58 percent in the previous three months.

 

Oh, so what and who cares?

 

First of all, that’s not a statistically significant difference, in fact, it would be well within the margin of error for any legitimate survey of such data.  And secondly, it’s an incomplete and/or inconsistent comparison.

 

One point being compared is the “drop to 7.4 percent,” let’s call that the “apple.”  And the other point against which the dropped 7.4 percent is to be compared, is a three month average of 7.58 percent, which we can think of as the “orange.”

 

And, if the last month of the three month average was 7.2 percent, then this month’s 7.4 percent was actually an increase.  But we don’t know that one way or the other, now do we?

 

You can read more about Utah’s Garbage Stats by clicking HERE.

 

Look, if you’re doing just fine and you want to buy a house, go for it… I don’t care one way or the other.  If you’re planning on living there for a long time and you can afford the payments, what difference does it make if it goes up or down in the next so many years?  It’s a house, not a stock.  Buy it to live in it, not as an investment you’ll flip out of in five years, or even 10.

 

And to the Realtors reading this… My personal advice would be that you only sell to friends or family members that fall into the description above.  Everything else, sell to the greedy little Canadians and bargain hunting vulture investors.  I’m going to love watching them squirm when prices resume their decline.

 

And if you’re struggling in this economy, at risk of losing a home, and reports like these make you feel like you’re alone in your financial misery, and that everyone is doing better while you’re not… DON’T FEEL THAT WAY BECAUSE IT’S ALL NOTHING MORE THAN ONE BIG PILE OF STEAMING FRESHNESS.

 

 

I’m not seeing anything improve anywhere.  In fact, I’m only seeing things worsen ahead.  None of the underlying fundamentals have changed one bit.  In fact, last month’s unemployment data was a nightmare, much worse than expected, as was GDP, and the EU looks about as stable as a Christian Scientist with appendicitis.

 

So, just ignore this garbage news from the bankers and their supporters, and it will go away.  It’s like a ghost in your closet… go back to sleep and it’ll be gone in the morning.

 

Mandelman out.

 

 

May
18

Utah Foreclosure News is Based on Garbage Stats


In Utah, foreclosures in March were up 74 percent over February.  In New Jersey, foreclosures in in April were up 72 percent over March.  In Tampa and Chicago, foreclosures in February were up 64 and 43 percent over January, respectively.

 

Now, here we are in mid-May and we’re to believe that everything has changed for the better?  That was then this is now, is that the idea?  Poppycock.

 

The Mortgage Bankers Association yesterday released a report claiming that the share of Utah’s home loans at least 30 days late dropped to 7.4 percent… from 7.58 percent in the previous three months.

 

Well, so what and who cares?  First of all, that’s just not a statistically significant difference, in fact, it would be well within the margin of error for any legitimate survey of such data.  And secondly, it’s an incomplete comparison.  One point being compared is presumably the “drop to 7.4 percent.”  And the other point against which the dropped 7.4 percent is to be compared, is a three month average of 7.58 percent.

 

If the last month of the three month average was 7.o percent, then this month’s 7.4 percent was actually an increase.

 

The Mortgage Bankers Association (MBA”) also claimed that in the first quarter of this year, six percent of loans in Utah were in default — which the association defines being at least 30 days behind on payments.

 

Now, and you have to read this carefully to see the deception, they’re saying that at the end of the first quarter of this year… “2.5 percent of mortgage loans in Utah were in the foreclosure process.”

 

What the heck does that tell us?  Not a darn thing, although if you like to guess at things, here are a few things it could mean:

 

  1. Nothing has changed – That’s right, based on those two claims by the MBA, the State of Utah could still have six percent of loans at least 30 days late and 2.5 percent in the foreclosure process.
  2. Things have gotten worse – That’s right, based on those two claims, it’s possible that today there are more than six percent of loans in Utah more than 30 days late, and the 2.5 percent in the foreclosure process could be an increase from prior months.
  3. Servicers are still preparing to comply with DOJ settlement – If the 2.5 percent in the foreclosure process is lower than expected it could be… and moreover likely is, due to servicers getting ready to comply with the DOJ settlement, meaning they have to foreclose without robo-signing and the like.

 

The point is that reports like this one are a study in obfuscation, which means: “muddying” or “confusing,” or refers to a “smokescreen.”  They don’t really tell us anything, but they’re designed to make us think something has changed, when it has not.

 

Why do I say that?  For several reasons…

 

To begin with, nothing we’re dealing with is going to change that quickly.  It was a huge problem yesterday… it’ll be a huge problem tomorrow.  If positive trends stay constant over the course of a year… then that will be something to cheer about.

 

Another reason for my skepticism is that none of the underlying fundamentals have changed one bit.  In fact, last month’s unemployment data was a nightmare, much worse than expected.  How could things have improved so dramatically so quickly when things have otherwise been moving so slowly?  Answer: They couldn’t.

 

And lastly, it’s the report itself.  The comparison of loans “in default,” which they defined as being over 30 days late, with loans “in the foreclosure process,” which they do not define, is an attempt to set up a deceptive or fallacious argument.

 

At the very least it’s an “incomplete or inconsistent comparison,” meaning that either not enough information is provided to make a complete comparison, or where different methods of comparison are used in order to create a false impression of the overall comparison.

 

The data above also was surrounded by irrelevant comparisons that I removed to show the deceptive structure of the argument being made.  In the original presentation of the data, the MBA compared the loans in default to the national average, which they claimed to be 6.9 percent, and loans in foreclosure, which they claimed to be 4.4 percent.

 

 

Why should we care about such comparisons by themselves?  We shouldn’t.  They tell us absolutely nothing.  It’s like saying, “In recent coin tossing experiments more coins preferred heads over tails.”

 

RealtyTrac chimed in with other statistics designed to be both encouraging and misleading:

 

 1.     “Foreclosure starts decreased in 41 states and the rate of loans in foreclosures fell in 22 states.”

 2.     “Foreclosure activity in all the judicial foreclosure states combined jumped 15 percent versus April last year.” 

 3.     “Taken together, non-judicial states saw foreclosure activity fall 29 percent.”

 

The first one is total junk, it is meaningless… and confusing… in fact, if you study it too long your hair will likely fall out. Foreclosure starts decreasing may just mean that banks decreased the number they started.  And the same for the loans in foreclosure garbage.

 

Banks control how many foreclosures start and how many are in foreclosure process, not borrowers.

 

The last two are more devious.  They are woven throughout stories in the media this week in order to make us believe that it’s the courts that are causing the foreclosure crisis to be prolonged.  Bad courts.  The clear implication being that if the courts weren’t in the way of the banks, we’d all be much better off, much sooner.  Abigail Field wrote a fabulous piece HERE.  Among many other things in her article, she wrapped up flawlessly:

Those darn courts, wrecking the housing market by slowing foreclosures and costing all of us more money.

Due Process is the Solution, Not the Problem

See where all this is going? Enough messaging like this and some states may change foreclosure laws more to the bankers’ liking. Short of that, people will target the courts as the problem instead of the bankers.

Whenever you read banker talking points embedded in news like this, remember: our Constitution guarantees Due Process for a reason. Due Process is essential to the rule of law and a fundamental check against the abuse of power. Don’t let the bankers sell you or your representatives into taking it away.

 

Obviously, the banking lobby would like it much more if they didn’t have to deal with things like… well, you know… like laws, for example.  Courts can be a real nuisance, I completely understand.

 

Look, if you’re doing just fine and you want to buy a house, go for it… I don’t care one way or the other.  If you’re planning on living there for a long time and you can afford the payments, what difference does it make if it goes up or down in the next so many years?  It’s a house, not a stock.  Buy it to live in it, not as an investment you’ll flip out of in five years.

 

But, of you’re struggling in this economy, at risk of losing a home, and stories like these make you feel like you’re alone in your financial misery, and that everyone is doing better while you’re not… please don’t feel that way because it’s all nothing more than one big pile of steaming freshness.  I’m not seeing anything improve anywhere.  In fact, I’m only seeing things worsen ahead.

 

So, just ignore it, and it will go away.  It’s like a ghost in your closet… go back to sleep and it’ll be gone in the morning.

 

Mandelman out.

 

May
18

Foreclosure crisis now includes “Irresponsible Churches”

According real estate information company CoStar Group, as of March of this year, 270 churches have been sold after defaulting on their loans. In 2011 alone, banks sold off 138 churches, and that compared with just 24 such sales in 2008, and only a handful in the prior decade.

 

So, when did our nation’s churches become so incredibly irresponsible?

 

According to Reuters, analysts are now saying that this surge in church foreclosures represents “a new wave of distressed property seizures,” and that “many banks are no longer willing to grant struggling religious organizations forbearance.”

 

Well, thank God for that, right? (Pun intended.)  Praise the Lord, and please pass the foreclosures, right?  We need to get through the foreclosures… clear the market… let it hit bottom… isn’t that what Mitt Romney, Rick Santelli, House Republicans, quite a few Democrats too… and a slew of supposed economists have all been saying?

 

And for the Rick Santelli fans, please let Rick know that the reason that many of these churches are going into foreclosure is that they took out loans to remodel or refurbish, and since we know all too well that Rick’s Tea Partiers don’t want to pay for anyone’s kitchen remodel, I’m sure they’ll be in favor of throwing these churches out into the street as quickly as possible, right?

 

Are you listening Rick Santelli?

 

We can’t do anything about these irresponsible churches being lost to foreclosure because to help them in any way would clearly involve far too much “moral hazard,” isn’t that right?

 

Apparently, the church foreclosures are occurring regardless of denomination all across the country, although California, Georgia, Florida and Michigan are the hardest hit states.  Reuters’ story also pointed out that, as one might expect, small and mid-size churches are falling into foreclosure more than the larger ones.  And presumably the larger ones are also the richer ones.

 

Interestingly, that’s also true when looking at residential foreclosures.  I’m pretty sure that studies show that richer people get foreclosed on less frequently than poorer ones.

 

I know what we need… a new program from the Obama administration.  We can call it:

 

“Making Church Affordable”

 

Scott Rolfs, who is the managing director of Religious and Education Finance at investment bank Ziegler, told Reuters that, “… banks have not wanted to look like they are being heavy handed with the churches.”

 

Really, Scott, mister managing director?  Is that what it is?  Banks are concerned about looking too “heavy handed with churches?”  Is that your story?  Banks could give a rat’s petute how they look with fathers, mothers and children… you know, we call them “families,” Scott… or “voters.”  Why should they care how they look with churches?

 

In fact, that’s what is so weird about this story.  That banks are supposedly concerned about being “heavy handed” with churches.  I don’t believe that, do you believe that?   I mean… European banks didn’t seem to be too terribly concerned about being heavy handed with Greece… and Greece is an entire country full of churches.

 

Unless we’re talking about a bank (or American Express Travel Related Services of course), in which case they’re too big to fail and we should do whatever is necessary to bail them out, irresponsible is irresponsible, isn’t that right?

 

According to Reuters: “The factors leading to the boom in church foreclosures will sound familiar to many private homeowners evicted from their properties in recent years.”

 

Really?  Do tell… (Shhhh… I want to hear this…)

 

Well, it seems that following the financial crash of 2008, quite a few churchgoers lost their jobs and next thing you know, “donations plunged.”  And wouldn’t you know it, “at the same time, so did the value of the church building,” Reuters reported.

 

So, let’s just see here… financial crash… check.  Lost jobs… check.  Less money to spend… check.  Appraised value of property plunges… and check.  Yep, I’d have to say that Reuters was right.  Those things do sound at least somewhat familiar to homeowners who were evicted in recent years.  And probably to other homeowners as well.

 

Now, Scott Rolfs also says that church defaults are different from residential foreclosures, because “church loans typically mature after just five years when the full balance becomes due immediately.” 

 

Scott says that in past years banks would simply refinance their balloon payment loans when they came due, but recently, come to find out… banks are “increasingly reluctant to do that.”

 

According to Scott…

 

“A lot of these loans were given when the properties were evaluated at a certain level in 2005 or 2006.  Banks have had to reappraise the value of these properties, whether it’s a church or a commercial office building.  Values have gone down, so the loans cannot continue in the same form.”

 

Hmmm… correct me if I’m wrong here, Scotty my boy, but that sounds suspiciously similar to a concept with which homeowners have become increasingly familiar of late.  It sounds like what you’re trying to say is that the churches can’t refinance because they’re “underwater,” meaning that they owe more than their properties are worth, isn’t that about right?

 

And not only that, but it also sounds like your saying that the churches took out loans that had enormous balloon payments due in five years.  Didn’t these churches know what they were signing, Scotty?  That sounds pretty darn irresponsible to me.  Reckless gamblers, I’d have to say.

 

You know what else it sounds like, Scott?  Predatory lending.  I wonder what would be happening to these churches if they had been offered low interest 30-year fixed rate loans.  Do you ever wonder that same thing, Scott?

 

Well, I’ll answer that question for you, Scott: It sounds to me like they wouldn’t be in foreclosure today, Mr. Scott Rolfs at investment bank Zeigler.  What would be your best guess?

 

Also, if banks were so concerned about churches being foreclosed on, why would they offer them loans with five-year balloon payments in the first place?  What would be wrong with a 30-year fixed on a church, for heaven’s sake.  (LOL… sorry.)

 

(By the way, in case you weren’t aware… five-year balloon loans are what fueled the foreclosure crisis that began in 1926, that along with the stock market crash of 1929, led to the Great Depression of the 1930s.  So, you’d think that bankers would already know how well they work as far as keeping a lid on foreclosures, right?  Or do we have some sort of educational deficiency or learning disability in play here?)

 

If banks cared about churches, they wouldn’t be putting them into loans that have enormous balloon payments due in five years, right?  That’s not the kind of loan you’d put your mother into… is it, banker-people?  Oh… or maybe it is.  Okay, point taken… bad example.

 

Well, regardless… it’s not the kind of loan that I’d put my mother into, let’s just say that.

 

Flat Rock Church in Lithonia, Georgia, was founded back in 1860. 

In 2005, the church wanted to build a new 300-seat church so it took out an $850,000 loan from Sun Trust Bank.

The loan came due in May of 2010, but wouldn’t you know it, Flat Rock Church didn’t have $850,000 laying around, and Sun Trust Bank wouldn’t refinance the loan because the church was now underwater. 

So, Sun Trust Bank foreclosed.  The church’s sale date has already passed.

 

Pastor Binita Miles said: “The bank has refused to negotiate and to this day I just don’t know why.”

 

The spokesliar for Sun Trust Bank was quoted as saying:

 

“We view foreclosure as an action of last resort. We have been working for several years to address the issue with the client in hopes of avoiding foreclosure.”

 

Is that right, Sun Trust Bank?  You guys have been “working for several years to address this issue in the hopes of avoiding foreclosure?”

 

Several years?  And you still couldn’t do it?

 

After several years working and you failed completely?  Several years trying everything that you bankers could think of and still… not a thing could possibly be done?  Even after several years working and hoping?

 

Why that must have been crushing for the bankers who spent several years working on this… HOPING… you did say they were hoping too, right?  They were hoping to avoid foreclosure… for several years… as they were working, right?

 

My Lord… to think of all that working and hoping going on for several years… and then after all that to just fail completely?  Wow… what a disappointment that must have been. You guys at Sun Trust must have been crushed.  How do you even go on after something like that?

 

Now, I don’t know who to feel worse for… the church folk, or the bankers at Sun Trust Bank?

 

Oh, wait a minute… hang on… maybe I do.  Here’s what Forbes Magazine had to say about Sun Trust Bank on April 18, 2012:

 

Leading up to SunTrust Banks‘ (STI) announcement of its first quarter earnings on Monday, April 23, 2012, analysts have become more bullish as expectations have improved over the past month from 29 cents per share to the current projection of earnings of 32 cents per share.

 

The current estimate reflects a 45.5% increase from a year ago, when the company reported earnings of 22 cents per share.  For the year, revenue is projected to roll in at $8.57 billion.

 

Yeah, that did it for me… I feel worse for Pastor Binita Miles and the church folk that since 1860 have worshipped at Flat Rock Church in Lithonia, Georgia.

 

Even if they are an irresponsible bunch.

 

As far as I’m concerned, the Sun Trust bankers can go… forgive me Pastor… straight to hell.

 

Mandelman out.

May
16

The Better Business Bureau, the State Bar, Loan Mods & Lawyers in California

 

For going on three years now I’ve watched the State of California more so than any other engage in a debate over loan modifications and lawyers, the key questions being: do you need one, should you have one, are lawyers scamming homeowners, and most notably, since California’s Senate Bill  94 (“SB 94”) became law in October of 2009, when can a lawyer be paid when providing loan modification services.

 

Throughout this “debate,” the Better Business Bureau has played a role by rating law firms offering loan modification services.  If the BBB says that someone is ‘A’ rated then presumably consumers are more likely to turn to that firm for assistance, and obviously, being rated ‘F’ tends to have the opposite effect.

 

Well, recently a law firm with which I’ve become very familiar over the last three years, CDA Law in Orange County, California, was rated ‘F’ by the BBB, and predictably, within a couple of weeks the firm started losing clients because of the rating.

 

Before I explain the background for what’s going on here, I want to be clear about a few things:

 

  1. I have no financial interest in CDA Law, nor am I being paid to write this.
  2. I’m sure that I’ve referred at least 200 hundred homeowners to CDA Law over the last few years, I don’t keep track of the number, but it’s in that range without question, and all I have to show for it are thank you notes.
  3. CDA Law does not deserve to be rated ‘F’ by the BBB.  The BBB’s ‘F’ rating is based on a politically motivated intentional misstatement of the law by certain individuals.
  4. This past year I personally audited 400 randomly selected 2011 client files at CDA Law, so I know how they perform first hand.  Over almost four years, firm records show it obtained permanent loan modifications for more than 3,000 California homeowners.

 

I also want to be clear that I am not writing this to tell homeowners that in all cases they should retain CDA Law.  Every homeowner’s situation, facts and goals are different, and the decision as to which law firm one should or shouldn’t engage depends on the specifics involved.

 

What I am here to do is state unequivocally to homeowners that it is my considered opinion that the decision not to retain CDA Law should not be based on the firm’s BBB’s rating, because that rating is baseless and entirely inappropriate.

 

 

The fact is that upon learning of the BBB’s ‘F’ rating of CDA Law, I offered to write this because I’m all but certain that some number of homeowners who decide to avoid CDA Law because of its BBB rating will end up getting scammed and homes will be lost to foreclosure as a result.

 

And, at this point in the foreclosure crisis, the fact that I can say that about the chances of a homeowner getting ripped off by a scammer, or wrongfully made homeless by a servicer, is both an unthinkable tragedy and a shameful testament to the failure of our state and federal regulators to protect homeowners from predatory servicers and unscrupulous operators of various foreclosure avoidance schemes.

 

Okay, so why is CDA Law rated ‘F’ by the BBB?

 

To understand where we stand today in California as related to lawyers and loan modifications, you have to understand a few things about how it all started back in 2009, when we went through a phase where we were told by banks, government agencies and the mainstream media that everyone involved in loan modifications was a “scammer.”

 

According to a knowledgeable insider who worked at the California State Bar Association at the time, the State Bar had no history of lawyers committing acts of misconduct related to loan modifications until the very end of 2008 when complaints started to trickle in, and then in 2009, inundate the Bar with 800-900 a month.  No one knew what was going on back then.  I’m sure just seeing the raw numbers of complaints was shocking, never mind what was being said.

 

California is the only state with a State Bar that is both a trade association and regulatory agency.  Technically, the Bar reports to the state’s Supreme Court, but at the same time the Governor can prevent the Bar from collecting its dues, and as a result the state legislature is known to put pressure on the Bar as well.

 

Most often, over the last 25 years, that pressure has come in the form of criticism that the Bar is not vigilant enough when it comes to prosecuting lawyers for misconduct.

 

By Spring of 2009, a joint task force was being set up to go after these “scammers” who were taking advantage of distressed homeowners.  Included would be the Office of the Attorney General, the state’s Department of Real Estate, the FTC… and of course, the State Bar.

 

Then State Bar president Howard Miller saw the task force as an opportunity to show politicians in Sacramento that the Bar was ready to get tough on crime, on behalf of the defenseless victims of the foreclosure crisis.

 

So, during summer of that year, Howard Miller, made the following statement to the press…

 

“At least hundreds and perhaps thousands of California lawyers who have been victimizing those who are already victims at the most vulnerable point in their lives… every one of those lawyers will be subject to discipline and some will go to jail.”

 

How many of the scammers were lawyers?  No one had any idea, in fact the State Bar hadn’t even had time to read the vast majority of the complaints, but there was no question that there were many charging up-front fees and claiming to be able to get loans modified, and with increasing and alarming frequency, they were definitely ripping off homeowners.

 

Back then, I think every major bank played messages to those waiting on hold that said: “You don’t need a lawyer, call (insert bank name) for assistance with a loan modification.”  And both the state and federal government’s positions were almost identical: “You don’t need a lawyer, call your bank or a HUD counselor for assistance with a loan modification.”

 

To anyone watching, one thing was very clear: Neither the banks nor our government wanted homeowners to retain lawyers to help them save their homes from foreclosure.

 

That the banks took this position wasn’t surprising.  Obviously, it would be easier to deal with a homeowner than a homeowner’s attorney.  And attorneys in the mix would mean the threat of litigation, which would be both costly and time consuming for banks to defend.  And as to why, in 2009, those in our government also assumed an anti-lawyer stance related to lawyers and loan modifications, to me the answer was the obvious one… they went along with the banks.

 

Miller’s statement always seemed to be a preposterous one to me, and I wrote about it at the time, saying that I found it impossible to accept that there were “hundreds if not thousands” of lawyers scamming homeowners in California or anywhere else for that matter.

 

Were there some?  Of course there were some.

 

California is a state of enormous size; over 37 million residents, roughly 7 million homeowners and more than 235,000 licensed attorneys, according to the California State Bar Association.  There are “some” of just about anything you can think of here.  I’d bet money that in California today there are “some” wearing tin foil so that the space ships can’t see them.  But were there ever “hundreds if not thousands” of lawyers scamming homeowners having to do with loan modifications?  Not a chance.

 

By 2010 it was becoming increasingly obvious that that what the Bar’s president had told the press about “hundreds if not thousands of lawyers” scamming homeowners was in fact false.

 

Just consider that as of May 12, 2012, and this is according to the State Bar Press Office, since February of 2009, more than three years after Mr. Miller voiced those inflammatory allegations:

 

  • Since 2009, only 18 attorneys in California have been disbarred related to providing loan modification services. 

 

  • The State Bar has “pursued disciplinary charges related to loan modification services involving about 153 attorneys.”

 

  • Of those, only 69 have been disciplined in some way, which includes anything from being required to attend an ethics class to a temporary suspension.

 

  • None have gone to jail. 

 

In California, a state with over 235,000 licensed attorneys, the disbarment of 18 lawyers is hardly to be considered pandemic.  And it’s a far cry from Miller’s “hundreds if not thousands,” to be sure.

 

There simply never were hundreds much less thousands of lawyers scamming homeowners in California.

 

The Banking Committees Get in On the Act…

 

Other politicians were fast to get in on the consumer protection act as well.

 

Senator Ron Calderon and Assembly Representative Pedro Nava, each the chairs of their respective banking committees, were both quick to sponsor bills claiming to protect homeowners from the proliferation of loan modification scammers.

 

Ex-Mortgage Banker, Sen. Ron S. Calderon

Chaired Senate Banking Committee, Sponsor of SB 94 

Senator Calderon’s bill, known as SB 94, was the one signed into law on October 12, 2009, with the Mortgage Bankers Association, the California State Bar Association and the California Department of Real Estate all listed among the supporters of the bill.

SB 94 was written to apply to both lawyers and Department of Real Estate (“DRE”) licensees.  The language pertaining to lawyers is found in the California Civil Code, and the language pertaining to DRE licensees is in the California Business & Professions Code.

 

The scams, in all cases, involved homeowners being required to pay an up-front or advance fee, so SB 94 focused on making it illegal to charge an advance fee related to providing loan modification services.  So, whether we’re talking about a licensed attorney or DRE licensee, the operative language is identical.  Neither is permitted to…

 

“…claim, demand, charge, collect, or receive any compensation until after the person has fully performed each and every service the person contracted to perform or represented that he or she would perform.” 

 

But, as it pertained to DRE licensees, however, SB 94 went a step further by modifying language contained in Business & Professions (“B&P”) Code Section 10026 to prevent DRE licensees from breaking up loan modification services or fees into component parts as shown below in bold:

 

DIVISION 4.  REAL ESTATE

    PART 1.  LICENSING OF PERSONS

     CHAPTER 1.  GENERAL PROVISIONS …………………………. 10000-10035

10026.  (a) The term “advance fee,” as used in this part, is a fee, regardless of the form, that is claimed, demanded, charged, received, or collected by a licensee for services requiring a license, or for a listing, as that term is defined in Section 10027, before fully completing the service the licensee contracted to perform or represented would be performed. Neither an advance fee nor the services to be performed shall be separated or divided into components for the purpose of avoiding the application of this division.

 

As a result, a DRE licensee can only view a loan modification as a single service, and therefore only be paid after that one service has been provided, which would be when the homeowner is either approved or denied for a loan modification… the very end of the process.

 

However, there is no language in SB 94 that prohibits lawyers from breaking up loan modification services and/or fees into parts, as there is for DRE licensees.

 

Therefore, while SB 94 precludes lawyers from charging advance fees, the law does allow lawyers providing loan modification services to be paid for a specific set of contracted services upon their completion, regardless of whether at the beginning, middle or end of the loan modification process.

 

The legal profession refers to this as the “unbundling” of services.

 

Even though literally hundreds of lawyers from all over California contacted the State Bar to ask about the unbundling of services into separate contractual agreements under SB 94, with compensation being received at the end of each contract, for more than two years, the State Bar remained quiet on the subject.

 

Of course, it didn’t much matter what the banks or government entities had said in early 2009, many homeowners discovered very quickly that calling their bank directly, or a HUD counselor, did not result in their loans being modified… and on top of that, it was a maddening and even torturous experience.  It was becoming clearer every day that having a lawyer to help get your loan modified wasn’t such a bad idea.

 

It seemed that the storm had passed.

 

Enter: The Better Business Bureau

 

In 2010, the BBB reacted to the rhetoric by giving an ‘F’ rating to just about everyone providing loan modification services in California.

 

Frankly, I always found that policy to be disadvantageous to homeowners because it forced consumers to choose a firm from a basket of ‘Fs,’ and since clearly some deserved the low rating and others didn’t, I reasoned that such a policy actually increased the potential for consumers to make a bad choice.

 

Having successfully completed more than 3,000 loan modifications for California homeowners over the last four years, not only is CDA Law not a scammer, but they’d certainly appear at or near the top of anyone’s list of most effective firms modifying loans.

 

Eventually, the BBB apparently agreed, awarding CDA Law an ‘A-‘ rating for a period of time.

 

And, yes… I am the authority on this issue. 

 

I want the reader to know that what I’m saying is not based on a cursory review of the subject matter.  My qualifications to make the statements I’m making about loan modifications and the foreclosure crisis in California at the very least equal anyone else’s.  Although it was never my intention that this be the case, on the subject of the foreclosure crisis, I’ve become a leading expert, and I can’t imagine anyone contesting that claim.

 

In point of fact, this past year I was accepted as an “expert witness” by the California State Bar Court and I provided expert testimony on loan modifications and the foreclosure crisis in an administrative hearing on behalf of an attorney in that court.

 

I started writing about the foreclosure crisis in 2008.  Since then I’ve written close to 700 articles on the political, economic, social and legal aspects of the financial and foreclosure crises.  To do that, as you might imagine, I’ve read essentially all of the most widely known articles, reports, or studies that have been published nationwide.

 

Last year, when I stopped counting, I’d received more than 30,000 emails from homeowners all over the country.  I’ve personally interviewed close to 4,000 homeowners at risk of foreclosure along with hundreds of attorneys involved in representing such homeowners.

 

In 2010, I also conducted a qualitative study of homeowner complaints, which included reading 1200 letters written by homeowners who had either hired a lawyer, a mortgage broker, or no one at all to help them with their loan modification.

 

I was an invited speaker on the subject of loan modifications at the American Bar Association’s Conference on Consumer Financial Services, appearing on a panel with Thomas Pahl, an Assistant Director in the FTC’s Division of Financial Practices, and I was invited to speak on the crisis again, from the homeowner’s perspective, at the 9th Circuit Judicial Conference in front of a few hundred federal court judges.

 

Additionally, I’ve been invited to speak at numerous homeowner meetings, and at a luncheon held by the Orange County Bar Association, for whom I also taught a CLE class for attorneys on loan modifications, alongside a compliance and mortgage banking attorney, and an ethics and bar defense attorney.

 

 

And I have not let up for what is now going on four years.  I continue to write my blog, Mandelman Matters, which is among the most widely read on the subject, and I continue to make my email and phone number available online, which means I get hundreds of calls and emails each month from homeowners at risk of foreclosure, and attorneys involved in foreclosure defense in almost all 50 states.

 

Lastly, I have no dog in this race, as they say.  I’ve never been in the mortgage or real estate industries, never been paid a nickel by a homeowner, nor for referring anyone anywhere.  I’m not personally at risk of foreclosure… today, anyway… and I have no direct financial incentive to say anything specific about the crisis or about CDA Law.

 

Now back to the BBB…

 

This past fall, members of the state legislature told the State Bar that they needed to clean up the back log of disciplinary cases, and once again, politics appears to have played a role in the Bar’s use of inflammatory rhetoric and behavior.

 

Suzan Anderson, Supervisor of the State Bar’s Special Team on Loan Modification Fraud, while speaking at the State Bar’s Annual Meeting last September, announced that the Bar would now be taking the position that lawyers helping clients with loan modifications would not be permitted to unbundle services related to loan modifications.

 

Ms. Anderson said that it was now the position of the California State Bar that lawyers working on obtaining loan modifications on behalf of their clients could not be paid until the end of the loan modification process, even though no such language is found in the statute. Not only that, but a disclaimer at the bottom of her presentation’s front page stated that this was not the official position of the State Bar, so once again the Bar wasn’t willing to make it a policy.

 

Following the State Bar’s annual meeting, prosecutors at the Bar began using the threat of SB 94 to get attorneys who were offering loan modification services to accept some sort of disciplinary action for unbundling their services.  These attorneys were only accepting payment for services upon the completion of contracted services, and they therefore were complying with both the language contained in SB 94 and the bill’s legislative intent, according to its drafter.  None that I knew personally ever charged advance fees.

 

The State Bar has provided no basis for their new opinion, nor have they allowed the issue to be argued in front of a judge.  Maybe the basis is their misreading of the statute.  Maybe it’s because the banking lobby has pressured the state legislature to do everything possible to stop homeowners from hiring lawyers to help them get their loans modified.

 

Or, maybe it’s just a feeling they have… I really don’t care.  The Bar’s made up of lawyers and they’ve had almost three years to figure it out, so unless they’re remedial readers, I’m done giving them a free pass.

 

Never mind for a moment what the law says, the fact is that lawyers could not offer to help homeowners with loan modifications if they couldn’t be paid until the end of the process, and the reason should be very easy to understand.

 

Homeowners applying for a loan modification… by definition… are experiencing a significant financial hardship and as a result, many end up filing bankruptcy at some point in the process.

 

That means if a lawyer were not paid along the way as services were completed, then he or she would often work for six months or a year to get a loan modified… and then, upon advising the client to file bankruptcy… have his or her bill for services placed into the bankruptcy as unsecured debt to be discharged.  The lawyer would never be able to receive payment for what could easily be months of time spent working on getting the loan modified.

 

It’s an unresolvable conflict.  Work all year.  Advise your client to file bankruptcy.  And then tear up your bill for your year’s work on the loan modification.  Do you know anyone that could or would work under such a condition?

 

The State Bar, if asked, says that they’re not trying to prevent homeowners at risk of foreclosure from being able to hire lawyers to help them get their loans modified.  But, that statement strains credulity when their so-called interpretation sets up the type of conflict as is found with SB 94.

 

What the State Bar started doing last fall is clearly politically motivated and very wrong.  And at this point, the issue is going to have to be settled by the courts as there is already one lawsuit filed by an attorney against the State Bar over their interpretation of SB 94, and most assuredly others are going to be filed very soon.

 

By the way, it’s interesting because as I mentioned, outside of threatening lawyers with charges of unbundling services under SB 94, the Bar has never actually brought such charges into court.  Instead, the State Bar only threatens attorneys with violations of SB 94, but then offers the lawyers some sort of deal to avoid have charges filed, and in all cases to-date the lawyers have taken the deal rather than take on the risk and expense of fighting the State Bar in court.

 

Once the lawyer accepts the discipline deal offered by the Bar, his name goes onto the Bar’s regulatory scorecard that they can then show to whichever members of the state legislature are interested, as proof that they are cleaning up their backlog of cases and being tough on the lawyers they regulate.

 

But, let’s be honest about this… we know which members of the state legislature we’re talking about here, right?  Why, the members of the senate and/or assembly banking committees, of course.  Do I know that to be a fact?  No.  But, if anyone is feeling lucky, let me know and I’d be happy to see if we can’t arrange a little wager.  Who else do you think it could be… telecommunications?  Agriculture?  Please…

 

It’s really quite scandalous.

 

The California State Bar has been getting away with using attorneys that offer to help homeowners obtain loan modifications as their political piñata for far too long.  It’s an example of a state agency abusing its power for political purposes and it must be stopped before its behavior causes any further harm to California homeowners.

 

Three years after SB 94 was signed into law, and its become abundantly clear that Miller’s statements were made for political purposes, without any regard for the truth or consideration of the harm such statements could cause.

 

Miller was all too aware that the State Bar was under attack by some in the state legislature for not aggressively disciplining lawyers, and he saw what was going on related to loan modifications and the foreclosure crisis as a way to look like a tough regulator of the legal profession.

 

The BBB Strikes Again…

 

One of the ways the Bar has endeavored to made life difficult for lawyers offering to help homeowners obtain loan modifications is by telling the BBB about what I would call their incorrect and baseless interpretation of SB 94.

 

And if you’re a lawyer helping homeowners with loan modifications, it’s not at all unusual to wake up one morning to find your firm has been rated ‘F’ by the BBB.

 

Why?  Because you’re unbundling loan modification services, of course.  Contracting to perform services A, B, C & D… and not being paid until those services have been completed to your client’s satisfaction.  Just like the language in SB 94 says you can do.

 

And just so everyone knows… I’m far from alone in this view.  Most or all State Bar Defense and Ethics attorneys in California share my view, as do numerous legal scholars and literally hundreds of other licensed practicing California attorneys.

 

We’ve learned a lot since 2009, or at least we should have…

 

In 2009, when President Obama announced his Making Home Affordable plan, most people in this country believed it would work.  Obama was the smart president… the man of the people.

 

It hasn’t worked though, at least nowhere near as he said it would, and we’ve also learned that he is as Wall Street friendly as they come… at least that’s how he behaved during his first term.

 

 

During the summer of 2009, when someone’s loan didn’t get modified, a lot of lawyers and others got the blame… many were even wrongly branded “scammers” as a result.  But, today we should all know what was actually going on, right?  It was the servicers that were at best giving homeowners the run-around and failing to modify loans as required under the president’s program.

 

And as State Bar Deputy Trial Counsel Victoria Molloy said back in 2010…

 

“If an attorney is hired to assist in a loan modification, and they make good faith efforts, whether they’re successful or not, presumably they’ve earned their fees.”

 

We know that today, but we didn’t know it then.  There were never “hundreds if not thousands” of lawyers scamming homeowners, that number was closer to 18.  The damage, however, was done, and many California homeowners who chose to go it alone lost their homes as a result.

 

Without question, that erroneous statement made by the Bar’s president continues to cause significant harm to the legal profession and to the numerous licensed and ethical attorneys in California who want to help, or do offer to help homeowners get their loans restructured.

 

Beyond those egregious outcomes, the State Bar’s lie has also caused irrevocable harm to California homeowners who have either not been able to find lawyers to represent them when seeking loan modifications, or have been too scared of being scammed by the fictitious thousands of illicit lawyers to try.

 

California has roughly two million homeowners either already in foreclosure or seriously delinquent, far more than any other state.  Whether the media wants to admit it or not, our state is literally drowning as a result of foreclosures, with our state’s budget deficit now at $16 billion and potentially rising.

 

And there should be no question, in light of the recent National Mortgage Settlement, among many other factors, that mortgage servicers are quite capable of abusing the rights of homeowners seeking to modify loans.

 

With all of that being the case, it would seem obvious that what the State Bar continues to do to prevent the legal profession in California from helping homeowners modify their loans is unconscionable and must be stopped.

 

The BBB is just acting as a witless and willing accomplice in this plot to deprive homeowners of lawyers should they find themselves at risk of foreclosure.  They’re certainly not protecting anyone by rating CDA Law ‘F.’  In fact, they’re only harming homeowners by doing that.

 

Over a four-year timeframe, and having helped over 3,000 homeowner get their loans modified, CDA Law has had only 15 total complaints with the BBB, as follows: 2009… 2, 2010… 7, 2011… 5 2012… just 1.  It’s not an easy business, dealing with servicers and homeowners at risk of foreclosure.  Not everyone will be happy.

 

But, in CDA’s case, complaints are under one-half of one percent, and every one has been answered… some of the complaints were made by homeowners who got their loans modified with CDA Law’s help, but they didn’t like the terms offered by their servicer.

 

At the same time, if you do visit the BBB’s website, be sure to check out the TrustLink positive comments made by 243 of CDA’s very satisfied clients who are still in their homes because of the work done by the attorneys and support staff at CDA Law.

 

And, by the way… SB 94 has not stopped scammers in California… they are as plentiful as they ever were.  Throw a dart at Google’s front page after searching for loan modification or anything close and I can all but assure you of getting robbed.

 

And the State Bar knows what I’m saying is true, because at the end of 2010, Suzan Anderson, Supervisor of the State Bar’s Special Team on Loan Modification Fraud, speaking last December to David Streitfeld of The New York Times about SB 94 said the following: “I wish the law had worked.”

 

Yeah, well don’t we all.

 

I look forward to the day when this area of the law can no longer be muddied by mortgage banking industry lobbyists and the politically motivated opinions of members of banking committees.

 

California is the only state having this debate, by the way.  The other 49 states figured things out ages ago, if they ever had the debate in the first place, and the FTC’s MARS rule, which allows lawyers to accept retainers into their trust account, receiving amounts as earned.

 

Soon enough, the courts will rule.  I have no doubt that California’s courts will uphold the rule of law, and not succumb to the wishes of the banking elite.

 

Banks have lawyers that help them, and should I ever find myself at risk of losing my own home to foreclosure, I want to be able to hire a lawyer to sit on my side of the table as well.  I don’t need the State Bar or the state legislature “protecting” me from scammers, imaginary or otherwise, if by doing so they are going to take away my absolute right to legal council.

 

Feel free to email me with questions or comments at mandelman@mac.com.

 

Martin Andelman

Mandelman Matters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May
16

Wells Fargo gives $22,000 to Suicide Hotline… A gift the bank can use too.

 

It all started when I saw that this past February, Wells Fargo had donated $22,000 to establish a suicide prevention hotline in Idaho, apparently the state with the fourth highest suicide rate in the nation.  I find that statistic a little odd, but what do I know.  I’ve never even been to Idaho.

 

The United Way for Treasure Valley phrased it as follows on their website:

 

Wells Fargo stepped up Tuesday with a $22,000 gift to help establish an Idaho Suicide Prevention hotline.

“Wells Fargo is pleased to invest in this important community initiative to address a critical need in our state,” said Dana Reddington, Idaho Region president for the banking firm.

 

Wells Fargo “stepped up” with a $22,000 “gift.”  Is that how that should ideally be phrased?  I suppose it’s fine.  But, having spent the last few days writing and talking about Norm Rousseau, who took his own life this past Sunday after a protracted battle with… no, not cancer… much worse.  You know, we can in many cases cure certain kinds of cancer.

 

Norm’s protracted battle was with Wells Fargo, and no one has even come close to finding a cure for them.  So, on Sunday morning, just a few days ago, he lost the will to continue the fight after staying up all night trying in vain to fix the engine in a motorhome he was hoping to house his family in after being evicted on yesterday morning.

 

Look, I only spoke with Norm once for about an hour, so I shouldn’t really speak for him, but I just wanted to say that I’m pretty sure that he would have gladly traded his battle with Wells for… maybe not pancreatic, but let’s say prostate cancer… for sure.  I think so, anyway.

 

In fact, I’d probably make the same trade at this point were I given the choice.  I’m thinking that the cure rate for prostate cancer for a male in his 50s is much higher than the cure rate for a battle with Wells Fargo these days.  I don’t know… maybe I’m nuts… it’s not my core point here, so just forget it.

 

Anyway, I understand Wells Fargo wanting to give a gift that establishes a suicide hotline… it’s a gift the bank can use too.  And I do understand giving that sort of gift.

 

I’ve been married for 22 years, and although I hate to admit what I’m about to say, I’m hoping some of you guys have done it as well.  Maybe not the women, I really don’t know.

 

So, I was thinking about my birthday, it being only a few weeks away, and what I wanted to ask for in the way of a gift.

 

 

When my wife and I first got married, I always bought her birthday presents that were clearly hers alone… jewelry, clothes, I don’t know… a new tennis racquet, a mountain bike, golf clubs… those sorts of things.  Nothing that I had anything to do with as far as usage went.

 

But the longer we’ve been married, I’ve noticed that I’ve started drifting towards gifts that aren’t really just hers, but sort of ours… kind of.  I’m not entirely certain, but it’s possible that one year for her birthday I may have bought her our new breakfast nook table and chairs set.  That wasn’t cool, I thought to myself.

 

I shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing, right?  That’s not the way you stay happily married, or even breathing and walking upright, depending on your spouse’s comfort level with firearms.

 

It occurred to me that I might just be turning into my father, perish the thought… and that could not be considered anything short of terrifying.    Turn on the sirens people… crash positions… we’re going in hot and hard.

 

Truth be told, I couldn’t even remember what I had bought her last year for her birthday, and that was not giving me a very reassuring feeling.  Maybe since we need a new air conditioning unit for the house, maybe that’s what I should want for my birthday this year.

 

When I was really a young boy, maybe six or seven years old, I remember my father asking me if I wanted to go with him to Sears one evening after dinner.

 

 

I jumped at the opportunity of course, after all, a trip to Sears meant two things: A chance to sit on and pretend to drive several different riding lawnmowers… and a bag of hot cashews from the stand that sat in the middle of the store on the bottom level.  Good times.

 

So, we get to Sears, my father and me, and I head straight for the riding lawnmowers.  Remember that part of Forrest Gump when even though he’s already a zillionaire, he goes back home and the City Fathers give him “a fine job,” and he’s riding a lawnmower around this field cutting the grass?  Yeah, well I understood that part of the movie.  I completely agreed… Forrest looked like he did have a fine job there.

 

So, anyway… after a few minutes when my father had run out of patience with the lawnmower engine sounds I was making with my mouth, he said let’s go and we headed on into the store.  The smell of hot cashews used to hit you right as you walked in the door of the Sears where I grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and both my father and I were huge fans of the toasty warm aromatic nuts.

 

So, we got us a small bag before heading off for the guaranteed-to-be-boring part of the excursion, at least as far as I was concerned.  The part when we’d have to actually shop for whatever it was he wanted to find… the reason we were there, you might say.

 

He explained that we had come to buy my Mom a birthday present, which was the next day.

 

“Let’s get her a board game, Dad,” was the first thing that came to my young mind.  Well, why not… it was something I understood and knew I could get some utility from… and heck, she’d probably have liked it quite a bit too, especially if there was spelling involved.  Mom loved to spell anything anytime, and she was darn good at it too.

 

But, Dad said no. He had something else in mind, as we headed on over to the dreaded, “Housewares” department.

 

 

Housewares was the section that had the most things I didn’t understand, and I braced myself and took a deep breath, just as I might have done were I about to be placed into solitary confinement while doing time on Alcatraz.

 

We got there and I did a 360 to take in my surroundings.  Sure enough, I was absolutely surrounded by “Housewares,” and an old man who could have played Santa Claus at Christmas if you spotted him a fake beard and some hair, waddled over to offer his assistance to my father while doing a quick comb through of his thinning hair, completely ignoring me, of course.

 

This was the 1960s, and I was still to be seen, but not heard in many circles.  Unlike today, when we let our 8 year olds pick out the family car.

 

I heard my father say something about a chair of some kind… but after that it was pretty much just a blur.  For a boy my age during The Wonder Years of the 1960s it was genetically impossible to stay attentive during conversations of such banality.

 

Soon they had focused in on a particular chair.  It was metal with yellow vinyl, sort of a highchair with steps that slid out from underneath, a feature my father was saying would be highly valued by Mom, who was only 5’3” and apparently couldn’t reach certain things without a step ladder.  I hadn’t known about her shortcomings before that day, as she was plenty tall to reach everything I needed her to reach.

 

So, it was probably only a few minutes later, although it seemed a good hour or two, and we were paying with Dad’s Sears charge card, and then heading back to our station wagon, a 1963 Plymouth, dressed in a sickly hospital green color that my father said he liked, although I didn’t see how that could be possible.

 

We pulled around and there was that aging rotund and balding salesman, waddling towards us and carrying a decent size box, inside which, I assumed, would be the chair even though the box didn’t seem large enough to hold the chair.  As he was loading the box into the wagon, the man told my father that there would be, “some assembly required,” to which my father replied, “Sure.”  Dad actually seemed happy to hear of it.

 

My Dad owned a small grey metal Craftsman toolbox that he kept in the front hall closet that was strictly off limits as far as I was concerned.  He’d pull it out any time those words were spoken, “some assembly required,” or whenever there was some sort of disaster in our hundred year-old home.

 

Dad faced each job with an air of confidence that said clearly that he was unquestionably capable of handling any job that was thrown his way and he would do so with whatever was in his small grey metal toolbox.  It was a toolbox akin to Mary Poppins’ carpetbag, if you remember the movie with Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke.  It was as if he was expecting to be able to reach in and pull out a belt sander and a table saw.

 

The problem invariably was that whatever he needed he didn’t have and whatever he thought he could do, he really couldn’t, at least not in the time he had thought that he could.  And if hung around too long or stood too close, he’d end up blaming me for whatever wasn’t in his toolbox, growing more frustrated by the minute until he got the job done, which sometimes required a two or three day affair.

 

After the first couple of hours, there was no talking to him, and when the project had finally been completed he’d sit in front of the fireplace or television and sip what I later learned was Jack Daniels, but what he used to call Dry Sherry.

 

 

My father was, after all, a Harvard man.  And you can tell a Harvard man… but you can’t tell him much.

 

So, being a child of above average intelligence, as soon as we walked in our front door, I shot upstairs to my room, claiming homework or a bath was calling, the sort of tasks that I knew would trump helping Dad assemble the chair, or anything else he had in mind… so he went to work in the basement assembling Mom’s birthday surprise.

 

Yes, my brilliant, PhD, Harvard, college professor father had just thrown down maybe $19 on a metal stepstool/chair in yellow vinyl from Sears.  And he was so proud the next evening when, finally assembled after maybe six or seven hours of hard work, he presented it to her after we had finished dinner.

 

Mom had made cupcakes, as she was prone to do, and she started to light a match in order to light the little candles, one in each cupcake, except for the one that was for my little sister, Karen, who wasn’t even 2 years old at the time, and to my way of thinking, clearly didn’t qualify as any sort of human member of our family.  Certainly not one who needed a cupcake.

 

Mom struck the match but it failed to light and that was all the chances Mom got on things like lighting matches.  Dad reached out and took them into his much more capable hands.  He struck the match… nothing.  Mom smiled and looked away, you could tell she couldn’t have been more pleased at that moment.

 

Next match was the pressure match and lucky for Dad it was a winner and the candles were soon aglow as we sang…

 

 

Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday dear Barbara/Mommy… Happy birthday to you!

 

I grunted as Mom gave Karen her own cupcake, sans candle.  “She can’t eat that, she doesn’t even know what it is,” I said with the sort of superiority only a six year-old older brother can muster.

 

“She can lick it,” Mom said smiling at the useless drooling infant that had Zwieback toast crumbs all over her face and in her hair.

 

I looked at the thing they called my sister thinking, “Later, when no one is looking, I’ll drag you down the stairs head first, you little parasite,” or at least the six year-old version of that sentence.

 

Karen grabbed the cupcake, squished it a little, mashed it icing side down onto her highchair… and promptly threw it straight onto the floor.  Yeah, she was small and didn’t say much, but I knew she had done that just to torture me.

 

“Maaaaaam,” I yelled out as I jumped for the cupcake, hoping against hope that my mother would at that moment take leave of her senses and allow me to eat it off the floor.  No such luck.

 

“Hand it to me,” she said in that voice.  And I did… resistance I knew, was futile.

 

 

So, with the festivities now over, we went into the kitchen to examine the gift and there it was… that glorious yellow vinyl and metal, half highchair, half stepstool… sitting poised for action… right in front of the sink.

 

You see, as I was about to learn, Mom was always standing over that sink washing dishes, and so my father thought the ideal birthday gift would be a chair high enough so that she could sit while washing the dishes, the stepstool functionality being an unanticipated bonus.

 

Of course, my Mom, being a mom of the mid 1960s, was beyond gracious at all times.  It was as if she liked everything.  Like, someone could have served her a bowl of dirt, and she’d have said thank you.

 

“Oh, look at that,” she said.

 

Now, even at six years old I was sensing something in her voice that felt like danger had just entered the room.  I swear, the temperature fell by 12 degrees… all of a sudden you could see your breath in our kitchen.

 

Dad was oblivious, explaining every single one of the chair’s highly valued features and functions.  “And, I bought it at Sears,” he explained as part of his wrap-up.  “So, if anything goes wrong, we can return it and they’ll give us a new one.”

 

Dad absolutely adored that about Sears.  He even bought his sport jackets at Sears when they would go on sale, of course, and I grew up assuming it was for the same reason… Sears’ famous return anything anytime policy.

 

“Isn’t that something,” Mom was saying.  She had decided that moment was a good one to start sharpening a giant kitchen knife, but then apparently thought better of it and set it down gingerly.

 

“Well, thank you Julian,” she said in a voice that I would one day learn to call condescending.  “That was very considerate of you.”

 

And that was it… Mom’s birthday was over for another year.  I knew not to ask her how old she was.  I ‘d learned the hard way the year before that a young man doesn’t ask a lady that question.  So, I just gave her a kiss on her cheek, said Happy Birthday Mom, and ran up to my room to see if I could sneak in a few minutes of black & white T.V. before they yelled up… “Turn off the T.V. please,” after which I’d drift off to sleep dreaming of riding lawnmowers and the like.

 

Less than a week passed until one day after school, I heard the doorbell, and ran to see who rang it.  A large truck was parked right in front of our house, on the side it read, “Sears Appliances,” or something very close.

 

“Maaaaam,” I called out.  It’s a man in a truck from Sears.”

 

My Mother came out in her apron, admonishing me for yelling for her to come in front of an adult, and then in her adult voice sweet as pie said, “Oh, hello, yes please, come in,” to the man in the Sears uniform.

 

And two hours later our kitchen had a brand new dishwasher installed… a Kenmore.

 

 

I didn’t connect the dots at the time, but inexplicably Mom made cupcakes again that night, highly unusual as it wasn’t anyone’s birthday, and this time she let me have the bowl of icing to lick and scrape on top of it all.  She was unusually happy and I was in sugar-induced nirvana.

 

After desert, we all walked into the kitchen and Mom started explaining all of the features and functionality of the new Kenmore dishwasher.

 

Dad listened, barely smiling occasionally, and then as I was sensing his patience was running thin he said right in the middle of Mom’s Kenmore demonstration that I was more than happy to watch, “Okay, are you finished?  I’ve got some work to do,” and with that he turned and walked towards the stairs.

 

Mom just kept going on about the Kenmore in a sort of sing-song voice, and as Dad started up the stairs, she was full on singing her words now and kind of dancing after him…

 

“And it’s from Sears… so if anything goes wrong… we can always return it,” Mom sang as if she were Judy Garland playing the role of a housewife in a movie.

 

I thought that I recognized the melody… “Home on the Range,” sort of.

 

Seconds later we could hear the door to Dad’s study close, I thought, perhaps a little harder than usual.  Mom walked back towards the kitchen humming, and without any advance notice, as she passed by me on her way to get started loading the new dishwasher, she set a second cupcake topped with icing right in front of me without saying a word.

 

And somehow I knew as I stared at the icing on my cupcake, there would be no percentage in asking questions.

 

It would be many years before I had any real appreciation for what had gone on that year… the year my Mom had two birthdays.  And the year my father had stared death in the face… and lived.

 

Yes, he was the Harvard man, the brilliant college professor… the breadwinner of our family… the owner of the tools… who never shirked his duty when “some assembly was required”… the one who always drove… and lit our matches when required… the patriarch.

 

But, make no mistake… that night Mom had let him live… let him off with a song about a Kenmore dishwasher from Sears… a song that sounded a lot like “Home on the Range.”  Now that I’m all grown up and married myself, I fully realize that a blow to the back of the head with a shovel would have been much less painful.

 

And I can’t quite remember when I noticed it again, but that yellow vinyl and metal chair/stepstool from Sears remained in our basement for the next twenty years… for all I know is still down there today.

 

Mom was never one to throw important things like that away.

 

I’m like that too.  So, I’m going to remember Wells Fargo’s $22,000 gift to establish a suicide hotline forever, and I hope that not only will you remember it too, but that you’ll also keep forwarding the story of Norm Rousseau to others for years to come, so they can remember what happened too.

 

Because although I only spoke to Norm for an hour or so… I know for sure that wherever you believe he is right now, he’ll smile through eternity if his battle and his death produced that kind of result.

 

Over the last two days, more people read Norm Rousseau’s story than anything I’ve ever written on Mandelman Matters.  And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that until I realized that maybe if his story spread and wasn’t forgotten, then maybe one day there wouldn’t be other stories like his for me to write.

 

And I can tell you that it sure would make his wife happy, give her some peace, even.  Nothing can change what happened.  But, yesterday she said that all she wants is for what happened to Norm never to happen to anyone else.

 

Here’s the link to NORM’S STORY.  Do more.  Do everything possible to stop this from ever happening again.  Stopping even one… matters a lot.

 

Do more.  Give a gift that keeps on giving.

 

Mandelman out.

 

 

May
15

A Letter to Brian Stevens at TBWS: We Need More Houses?

 

BRIAN!  Dude… My good friend… Mi amigo de la Hipoteca clase… My favorite lender defender from whom laughs do engender… please don’t take me an offender… but as the message’s sender… a response to you I’ll tender… and my views I’ll therefore render…

 

Okay, I give in… that TBWS Daily was hysterical.  I mean, people say I’m funny, but I can’t hold a candle.

 

Overall, I loved the show, but, if I may… there were just a couple things…  

 

Just to make sure I understand what you said there… the problem is that there aren’t enough homes for people to buy?  We’re having a shortage of houses for sale, are we?  Wow… you know, I was sleeping and woke up to today’s video and for a minute there, I thought I must have dozed off for a decade or more.

 

But seriously… I had no idea that was the problem.  Well, alrighty then… I guess I’m going back to work… Mandelman doesn’t matter anymore… our economic problems have been solved.  And, thank heavens for that, because I was getting darn tired of writing about… um… well… I guess you could refer to it as… oh, I don’t know… how about… “the truth?”

 

Get more houses on the market?  Seriously?  More houses is what we need?  Am I on Candid Camera, or is there a rabbit hole around here somewhere that I can’t see?

 

So, I guess what you’re telling me is that at this point, the banks are actually hoarding them… holding them back for their own heads?  Foreclosing on more and more of them every day because they have a plan to corner the deteriorating home market?  Or are they just trying to pay us back for bailing them out by offering to pay most of the property taxes in this country going forward?  Or, maybe they just have a handyman fetish, so the more vacant homes the better?  Nothing turns them on like monitoring property preservation companies?

 

Why would they be hoarding empty houses?  Correct me if I’m wrong, but I was always under the impression that empty homes COST money as a result of their tendency to… what do they call it?  Oh yeah… decompose.

Aren’t banks the ones that are always trying to MAKE money?  Or have that backwards and banks are the ones that want to have the highest possible costs?  I can never keep that one straight… like eating eggs for breakfast… are they good for me or bad for me?  I can never remember… so I eat granola.

 

But, I digress…

 

Why do you suppose it might be that banks aren’t putting more homes on the market… or in the parlance of the economist… why are they limiting supply… making sure that it remains lower than demand?

 

Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Bueller?

 

 

Well, it can’t be because they don’t like money, right?  Right.  Okay, good.  I was pretty sure we’d have no argument there.

 

Could it be that they’re just so busy foreclosing and proprietarily trading credit derivatives for fun and losses, that they just haven’t realized that there are throngs of Californians and Arizonans clamoring to buy the homes they’re holding onto?  Again, I’d have to guess that… no, that can’t be it either.

 

Okay, let’s try this… What happens when the demand for a good exceeds its supply?  Oh, now lets not always see the same hands…

 

Brian?  Is that you I see in the back of the room doodling?  What’s that a picture of?  That’s you sitting at a table refinancing a four-plex for a dentist?  Yes, that’s very nice, but we’re trying to hold a class here, so if you wouldn’t mind…

 

So, what happens when the demand for a good exceeds its supply? Right, Brian!  Prices go up… or actually, in this particular case, they don’t go down as quickly.

 

And just what do you suppose would happen if the banks decided to make a bunch of homes available for sale, as you suggested is the thing to do in today’s TBWS Daily?  Do you think prices would tend to go up or down?  I’ll give you a hint… the answer is the opposite of “up.”

 

 

And, if home prices were to go down even faster than they are as a result of all of the other factors that haven’t changed a lick, except to worsen… you know… like, unemployment, long-term unemployment, foreclosures, average incomes… GDP… the state’s $16 billion budget deficit that’s about to constrict the state’s economy even further as we cut services and raise taxes on the wealthy… those kind of things?

 

Well, if home prices fell further and faster I’d have to venture a guess that more people would find themselves underwater and/or further underwater… and that would mean what do you suppose?  If you guessed further reductions in consumer spending, higher unemployment and more foreclosures… well, you’d be right once again!

 

And then what about all the people who, having been duped into believing that housing had bottomed, bought homes recently?  Would they be gaining equity or losing it?  Losing it, right!  And assuming an FHA/new-sub-prime loan was involved many would be underwater by Christmas… and you know what that would mean, right?

 

Even more foreclosures!  Maybe that’s why FHA is reporting almost 20 percent defaults on loans made SINCE 2009.  It’s kind of funny if you think about it… we’re actually creating foreclosures over at FHA even faster than we can foreclose down the street at Fannie and Freddie.  It’s very “Dr. Strangelove – Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb,” don’t you think?

 

 

And I did hear you say that the shortage was “at the low end of the market,” right?  I’m sure that’s correct, because that’s the end of the market that’s not only less expensive, but also less experienced.  Those are the folks easiest to convince to buy a home because it’s never going to be this cheap or the rates this low again… so, better hurry and get your offer in today… isn’t that about right, Brian?

 

Of course, I wouldn’t want to leave out my favorite flavor of scumbag, the vulture investors who envision this as a once in a lifetime opportunity to become full fledged slum lords, gouging the unfortunate and credit impaired with top tier rents for at least a decade while they put the absolute minimums into maintenance and scheme to hold onto security deposits in all cases.

 

No, I wouldn’t want to forget them.

 

See, it’s not that there aren’t enough homes on the market really, right Brian?  It’s that there aren’t enough homes that can be purchased below market value that’s the problem.  Realtors don’t really want more inventory… they want more inventory that can be purchased at distressed prices.  I’ll be happy to put my home on the market tomorrow, just not at a price at which it would sell any time soon.

 

Don’t get me wrong… I do understand that the banks dumping homes on the market at distressed prices would make summer fun for Realtors and mortgage brokers… and Lord knows I do like seeing you guys having a good time… after all, you’re always a fun lot to have at a party.

 

But, since the banks doing what you suggest under today’s circumstances would only push us further into a recession, with housing prices falling even faster than they will otherwise, thus creating even more foreclosures… thus further destroying the housing and credit markets once the fun ends… well, I’d like to humbly suggest that IT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

 

 

So, if you put it all together… the worsening employment and overall economic conditions (except in the media where it’s an election year), combined with the tightening of the already tight credit markets… and with the unabated flood of foreclosures on the horizon (forecasted to exceed the number of homes lost to-date, by the way)… and the permanently broken private securitization market… CA’s $16 billion and growing state budget deficit… and the need for Washington D.C. to reduce spending going forward…

 

… to say nothing of the EU’s high wire act, sans net, that’s destined to see one or two countries fall to their deaths sooner than we think, thus causing us to nationalize or bailout several or more of our TBTF banks once again… and then factor in the possibility of Mitt Romney and the GOP actually winning in November… OMG, OMG, OMG… consider all that…

 

… And you’ll want to eat a gun.

 

But… STOP!  Don’t do that.  That is NOT the answer, Brian.

Just like it’s NOT the answer to… “put more homes on the market.”

 

From your good friend who loves you… and as always I remain…

 

Most sincerely yours…

 

Martin

xoxoxoxoxo…

 

Martin Andelman

Mandelman Matters

 

P.S. If I’m in town, I think I’m going to come to Anaheim to see you guys… I figure you’re just dying to buy me a beer.  And tell Frank to be careful on that bike.

 

Mandelman out.

 

Hey, to subscribe to TBWS… CLICK HERE!

May
14

Husband’s Suicide Yesterday, Wells Fargo to Evict Wife Tomorrow Anyway

 

 

Just like the last VICTIM OF WELLS FARGO I wrote about, Wells Fargo claimed that Norman and Oriane Rousseau had missed a mortgage payment.  But the payment HAD been made in person at a Wells Fargo branch by Cashier’s Check, and Mrs. Rousseau has the receipt for the transaction.

 

The Rousseaus file a dispute with Wells Fargo over the supposed missing payment.  Wells Fargo “investigates” and comes back saying that the Rousseaus had stopped payment on the check.  They stopped payment on a Cashier’s Check?  Seriously?

 

I don’t want to spend too much time on this ridiculous point, so here’s how Rousseau’s lawyer explains this technical yet wholly insipid issue, and then we’ll move on…

 

The teller’s receipt establishes that the cashier’s check was in the custody and control of Wachovia on April 1, 2009, and the research by the Cashiering Department should have concluded that Wachovia screwed up by not applying the cash-equivalent funds to the Rousseau’s account. After delivery and acceptance to the branch office, it was Wachovia’s responsibility to safeguard the instrument; Wachovia itself effectively stopped payment on the cashier’s check.

 

Okay, so let’s get back to the meat of the story…

 

Concerned that they could not resolve the payment dispute but told they should apply for a loan modification, the Rousseaus hired a law firm and submitted a loan modification application.  After that it was standard operating procedure at Wells Fargo… we lost this, and we lost that, resend this, and resend that… for almost a year.

 

Good Lord, Wells Fargo, could you please do something differently just once?  This article is almost becoming a form letter.

 

Wells Fargo then of course told the Rousseau family not to make their payments, that they were being considered for a loan modification and that making their payments would immediately disqualify them.

 

So, they saved their payments just in case Wells decided to deny them a modification.  Saved every single one just in case the bank decided to act like… well, Wells Fargo Bank.

 

Then Wells sent them a Notice of Default, but when they called to say they wanted to reinstate their loan, Wells said what they always say… IGNORE IT… don’t worry about it, everything’s fine, it’s just an automated sort of thing… why, you’re being considered for a loan modification.

 

Then Wells filed a Notice of Sale on October 28, 2010.  Their home would be sold on November 22, 2010.  And still Wells said… IGNORE IT… it’s just another automated sort of thing… your loan modification is still pending… and please re-submit some documents.

 

It was November 10, 2010… just 12 days before their home was to be sold… when the Wells Fargo representative told the Rousseau’s that their loan modification had been denied.  The reason: Insufficient income.

 

Yeah, but you know the funny thing about that is that their income hadn’t changed a nickel since they applied for the loan modification.  So, what’s the deal?  Did it take Wells Fargo a year to figure out the Rousseau’s income was insufficient?  Is that the story I’m supposed to be buying into?

 

You’re a liar, Wells Fargo.  Either you knew you weren’t going to approve their loan modification, or you’re the most incompetent financial institution in the history of the world.  And you don’t just do this sometimes, you do this all the time… and especially to people in their 60s or older.  Why is that do you suppose? 

 

In case you’re wondering what I’ve been up to, I’m actually collecting Wells Fargo stories at this point.  I figure it’ll be a hoot to put them all together into a book.  What do you think?  Should I autograph a copy for you when it’s done?

 

That same day the Rousseaus found a lawyer and discovered they had a RIGHT TO REINSTATE their loan.  (Nice of Wells not to tell them that, by the way.)  They contacted Wells and requested a reinstatement quote… TWO DAYS LATER Wells finally gave them the phone number for RCS, the trustee.

 

 

But, RSC said that reinstatement would take two weeks and trustee sale was going off as planned in 8 days.  Wells got them their reinstatement quote too… it was dated November 15, but received via email on November 17, 2010.

 

And it expired in two days and had to be received in Texas by November 19, 2010.

 

The Rousseaus had more than enough in savings to reinstate their loan, they told Wells Fargo that… but now they couldn’t get the money from their IRA in time for the 2-day deadline and Wells refused to postpone the sale.

 

So, the Rousseau’s home sold at the trustee sale on November 22, 2010.

 

Next the Rousseaus go through a series of lawyers.  Finally, they get a good one and in July of 2011, the court grants an injunction contingent on them making a monthly payment of $1800.

 

But, by December of 2011, Wells finally wore the Rousseaus down and they just couldn’t make December’s payment.  They used up all their money fighting Wells Fargo, and Norm had been unemployed since the foreclosure.  He was taking odd jobs as a handy man to make ends meet.

 

Wells Fargo immediately goes to court… gets the injunction dissolved… then proceeds with the Unlawful Detainer… the lockout is set for May 15th, 2012… at 6:00 AM.

 

THAT’S TOMORROW MORNING… AT 6:00 AM.

 

Over this past weekend, Norm Rousseau talked with their attorney who is working pro bono by the way.  Basically, his lawyer tells him…

 

“Look… let’s face the facts here.  We’ll proceed with the lawsuit.  We’ll fight like hell to get you back in the home, but you have to be ready with some sort of plan so you’re not left homeless and on the streets.”

 

Norm found someone who has a 27-foot motorhome he can use, but after he gets it home on Saturday… it stops running… it won’t start.  But, Norm Rousseau is a man in his 50s with mad skills.  He goes to work around the clock taking apart the engine, doing everything he can to get it running so that on Tuesday morning he will have somewhere to house his family.  He’s up all night Saturday night, but still can’t get it running.  It’s too big to tow with a car.

 

His mind must have been wandering late on Saturday night.  What must a man, a father, a provider be thinking when he knows that everything in life has somehow gone terribly wrong and there’s nothing left to do?  He must have been imagining the sheriff pulling up to evict his family on Tuesday morning… just two days away, as the motorhome’s engine lay in pieces in his driveway.

 

I can only imagine what must have been going through his mind as he worked tirelessly, without sleep, on that engine and electrical system… as the clock ticked away the hours, I’m sure going faster and faster as time was running out.  Damn, it’s already 11:00 PM… then it’s 3:00 AM… and then 5:00 AM… and then before he knew it… a most unwelcome sun was shining… 9:00 AM…

 

I can almost hear him thinking: “Damn it, what am I going to do?  How could this have happened?”  I can hear him swearing under his breath as he fights with the old parts trying to get them to work together again… I can see him staring at the engine as the will to go on was leaving his soul…

 

Norman and Oriane Rousseau had bought their home in Ventura, California in 2000, putting nearly 30 percent down, which was their life savings.  In 2006, every time they went into the World Savings branch they’d get pitched on refinancing into one of World’s infamous Option ARM loans… that are now illegal, I believe.  After a couple of years of being pitched, they finally bought into World Saving’s lies.

 

They had told World Saving’s loan officer, ERIC COOPER, that they were only interested in obtaining a conventional 30-year, fixed-rate loan.  They wanted consistent payments over the life of the loan.

 

But COOPER assured them that they could significantly reduce their monthly payments… by more than $600 per month, with a lower interest refinanced loan. COOPER said that the new Pick-A-Payment loan product was better suited to their situation.

 

He described the Payment Option ARM as the new industry standard.  He pointed out that the lower interest rate and payment flexibility were valuable advantages that were not available with other loan products.  And he said that even more importantly, unlike the previous WORLD loans, the interest rate was tied to an index with historically low rates that were continuing to decrease.

 

According to COOPER, industry experts projected the interest rates to continue to fall, and so their monthly payments would be EVEN LOWER than their initial payments.

 

 

Even under the worst case scenario, COOPER assured them, the historical data for the index indicated that changes in the interest rate would only be slight, and if an increase should occur it would have a negligible effect on their monthly payments… no more than a few dollars.

 

And besides, COOPER explained, the loan would only be around for a couple years, as they should expect to refinance within the next two years to take advantage of even more favorable interest rates and as the steadily rising housing values would surely increase the amount of their equity in the property.

 

Then COOPER went for the close…

 

On the condition that the Rousseaus apply for the new loan that very day, he would agree to waive their pre-payment penalty, stating that there would be virtually no costs to refinance beyond a $35.00 application fee.

 

Yeah, COOPER, you’re a real peach.

 

COOPER also convinced the Rousseaus that it was in their best financial interests to consolidate approximately $25,000 in unsecured debt in the refinance transaction, citing the benefits of the lower interest rate and the convenience of having only one payment.

 

The Rousseaus provided COOPER with accurate and truthful information regarding their income and assets, and COOPER was such a nice guy that he offered to complete the Quick Qualifying Loan Application on their behalf.

 

Gee, thanks COOPER.

 

It was right around November 1, 2007, that WACHOVIA arranged for a notary to complete the closing at the Rousseau’s home.  The notary discouraged their review of the documents and directed them straight to the signature lines, but the Rousseaus noticed that a pre-payment penalty in excess of $4000.00 was included in the closing costs… the fee that COOPER had promised to waive if they applied that same day.  They called COOPER and he apologized for the oversight, but tried to get them to sign anyway, because it would only add a couple of bucks to their payment.

 

They said… no… they’d reschedule the appointment and wait for the four grand to be taken off their bill, thank you very much.

 

Two weeks later, the notary returned and they signed the paperwork for their new $368,000 state of the art loan.

 

Now, the Rousseaus didn’t know it at the time, but COOPER was a lying sack of garbage that had misrepresented just about everything having to do with their new loan.

 

The 7.2% interest rate of the new loan was actually higher than their old loan and higher than the 6.8% quoted by COOPER.  The “significant reduction in monthly payments” was an illusion accomplished by comparing the fully amortized payment of the 2006 loan with the negative amortizing minimum payment due under the new loan.

 

The new loan, at annual change dates, added deferred interest to principal and the loan amortized, with payment increases capped at 7.5% for ten years.  Then, the new loan recast when negative amortization reached 125%.

 

The Rousseaus were never told about the new loan’s fully amortizing payment of $2,497.94 per month, in fact their payment amount was intentionally misrepresented by COOPER.  And the new monthly payment could never decrease because it represented the minimum payment possible… the negatively amortizing option that meant payments would increase at each change date.

 

But that wasn’t enough for our boy COOPER.  The Rousseaus were charged $2,640.00 in origination fees for the “low cost” refinance, which made a tidy profit for World/Wachovia/Wells/Whatever bank.

 

And best of all, an undisclosed Yield Spread Premium (“YSP”) of $4,195 was charged for placing them in a loan with an interest rate .50% higher than they qualified for, and that YSP increased their monthly payments by $123.32, or $44,395.20 over the life of the loan.

 

The truth is that the Rousseaus were a heck of a long way from being considered well qualified for their new loan. Their fully amortized payment represented a total debt-to-income ratio of 27.91%, but that percentage was based on income figures that were grossly overstated by guess who? That’s right… COOPER.

 

The Rousseaus told COOPER their total gross annual income was, $76,000, but somehow it got listed as $136,800 on the application.  You know… the application that good old COOPER was nice enough to fill out for the Rousseaus.

 

 

So, it was Sunday… yesterday… around 10:00 AM… and Norm couldn’t get the motorhome running.  He must have realized that he couldn’t handle the shame of seeing his wife and stepson evicted with nowhere to go… living on the street.  I don’t know how anyone could face that reality.  I don’t think I could. 

 

How could it be that just 12 years before they had put their life savings down on their first and likely last home?  They had done everything right, but nothing was right anymore, and I’m sure to Norm Rousseau, nothing would ever be right again. 

 

Their church had offered to help them, maybe find them somewhere to stay temporarily, and that would be fine for his wife and her son… but not for him.  I’m sure he wept as he looked at the engine parts laying there, realizing that it was over.

 

Norm Rousseau called me a couple of months ago.  He wasn’t asking me to help him, in fact, he never even told me about what he was going through with Wells Fargo.  No, Norm was concerned about someone else who was losing a home.  A really good person who’s done so much for so many others, was how he described her.  It wasn’t right what the banks were doing he said.  He was hoping that I could do something to help someone he knew, because she was someone who had helped others… but he didn’t say a word about himself.

 

Norman Rousseau gave up over that engine that sits in pieces in his driveway today, the sun shining down making the metal parts hot to the touch.  Maybe it was the frustration of having nowhere to turn for justice, maybe it was the shame he felt that somehow he had let his family down… even though that was not the case at all.

 

Sometime mid-morning on Sunday Norm Rousseau ended his own life.  He went into his garage and shot himself.  At one point he could have reinstated his loan, that’s what he had planned to do, but Wells Fargo had made that impossible… they stripped him of everything he had.

 

And now, his wife and stepson are to be evicted at 6:00 AM tomorrow morning.  They have nowhere to go, they have no money, they are still in shock over the loss of Norm.

 

And I don’t know what to do really.  I’m going to call the sheriff’s office in Ventura… see if I can persuade them to drag their feet for a week before locking them out.  Their lawyer is trying to file something with the courts, but maybe you can think of something too.

 

Maybe you can forward this article to people in the media.  Tell them what’s going on… maybe someone will care enough to do something.  It’s 11:21 AM and I’ve been up all night again, I can’t really keep this up much longer… but somehow I felt like telling Norm’s story was the very least I could do.

 

Since Wells Fargo had already done the very least they could do.

 

Rest in peace, Norm Rousseau.

 

Mandelman out.

 

John Stumpf, CEO

john.g.stumpf@wellsfargo.com

Or, by phone: (415) 396-7018 or (866) 878-5865

Or, if you want to have some fun, since I know this physical address is correct, why not grab an envelope, buy a stamp and reach out to him via regular mail.  For extra smiles, consider throwing old keys in with your letter, or I’ve always enjoyed tossing a small handful of sunflower seeds in before sealing…

John G. Stumpf

Chief Executive Officer

Wells Fargo Bank

420 Montgomery St.

San Francisco, CA 94163

 ###

For a copy of the complaint in the Rousseau’s

lawsuit against Wells Fargo…

CLICK HERE.

May
14

Jamie Dimon tells Meet the Press he thinks we’re resenting “success.” He’s wrong.

This past week, JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon announced that his bank lost $2 billion trading credit default swaps.  It was destined to become a major news story, and sure enough everyone and their cousin wrote about it from every conceivable angle, the consensus being that the loss exemplifies the need for Dodd-Frank, the Volker Rule, and even Glass-Steagall type legislation.

 

So, no surprise there, right?  I mean, JPMorgan Chase losing $2 billion in a little over a month betting on credit default swaps is pretty much why U.S. taxpayers ended up having to pump trillions into TBTF banks just a few years ago.

 

Dimon was quoted as having said that just because his bank had been stupid, it didn’t mean that all the other banks would be equally stupid.  But, see… it sort of does, right?  That’s why the sort of risk we’re talking about is termed, “systemic,” right?  That’s why all the Wall Street banks became insolvent at the same time, right?

 

The simple fact is that if JPMorgan Chase is being an idiot in it’s proprietary trading strategies, history shows us that chances are overwhelmingly that the other bankers are going to be idiots too.  Maybe not on the same day; okay fine.  But, within a matter of weeks or certainly months… for sure.

 

Oh, I know Wells Fargo will deny having done whatever it is that the other idiots have done, whenever bets go bad, but then we’ll soon find out that they were lying and not only did the same thing, but they did it to an even greater degree than the other morons du jour of the financial aristocracy.

 

The story of Dimon’s $2 billion loss got so big that Jamie even showed up to issue a mea culpa, Sunday morning on this week’s “Meet the Press.”  Among other things, he said…

 

“This is a stupid thing that we should never have done, but we’re still going to earn a lot of money this quarter, so it isn’t like the company is jeopardized.  We hurt ourselves and our credibility, yes – and that you’ve got to fully expect and pay the price for that.”

 

A billion here and a billion there…

 

The point that JPMorgan Chase is going to “earn” a lot of money this quarter is not only completely irrelevant, but it highlights another part of the problem we’re having with our mega-banks.

 

For one thing, and I can’t believe I even have to say this, losing $2 billion in a quarter at any corporation is supposed to be a significant problem.  If it’s not, then the corporation is gouging its customers with the expectation that it will need a multi-billion cushion to make up for its tendency to lose billions through stupidity at any given moment.

 

And for another thing, saying that this time around the stupidity isn’t going to jeopardize JPMorgan Chase’s future solvency, is not the point.

 

The point is, what will happen when the bank’s stupidity and obvious addiction to gambling does threaten to jeopardize the bank’s solvency.  What happens then?

 

Does the bank file bankruptcy?  Does the FDIC take it over, fire the executives, clean it up and re-sell it to the private sector?  Or, does it just mean that the U.S. taxpayer is forced to bail out the bank once again because it’s deemed too big to fail?  Because as long as it’s the latter… that’s the point.

 

Dimon also commented on the things he said a few weeks ago during a conference call, when he referred to the danger of what ultimately happened as being “a tempest in a teapot,” which is an idiom that refers to a small thing that’s been blown out of proportion.  On “Meet the Press,” Dimon said…

 

“So first of all, I was dead wrong when I said that.  I obviously didn’t know because I never would have said that. And one of the reasons we came public was because we wanted to say, ‘You know what, we told you something that was completely wrong a mere four weeks ago.’”

 

Yes, and that’s also the point, is it not?  Like all human beings, even the CEO of JPMorgan Chase can simply be wrong.  And the American taxpayer doesn’t want to be on the hook for however many billions wrong he or she is from time to time because what happened here that cost the bank $2 billion didn’t have anything to do with commercial banking.  So, there’s no reason in the world for us to be involved.

 

If we weren’t involved… if we could be sure that we weren’t going to be on the hook for the bank’s insolvency, then we wouldn’t care about any of this.  JPMorgan Chase could place multi-billion bets on which side of a room a fly will land on for all we would care.  We’d gladly sit on the sidelines and cheer as the bank gambled hundreds of billions on the derivatives of derivatives of derivatives.  We’d even go pay-per-view, like the ultimate poker challenge.

 

 

We like gamblers and big bets… we’re just too wimpy to be involved in making them ourselves.  Besides, we never seem to get to participate in the upside of these things, only the downside.

 

Success-haters hurt our recovery…

 

Lastly, Dimon said something during his interview that really got my goat.  Basically, he said that he’s sick of Americans being resentful of “success,” that “attacks on successful people,” were somehow harming our economic recovery.  And I have to say something about that because it’s just out of control ridiculous.

 

Americans are absolutely NOT resentful of success, in fact, we adore success… worship it, even.  In fact, success is like… our favorite thing in the whole world.  We’re success junkies.

 

In truth, we don’t resent failure either.  What we do resent is failure that comes as a result of irresponsible gambling in entirely unregulated environments and for which we have no choice but to pick up the tab.  That, we most definitely resent, at the very least.  We actually hate that with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

 

We also resent that JPMorgan Chase was bailed out by taxpayers in 2008 and 2009, and continues to be allowed to profit based on a slew of special loan programs and accounting accommodations, while simultaneously foreclosing at will on homeowners who are only in their current situation because of Wall Street’s unregulated gambling addiction, appalling lack of judgment, and non-existent risk management systems.

 

Oh, and admittedly we’re not exactly nuts over Jamie’s $20.8 million in compensation for 2010 either, I suppose.  In 2010, his compensation went up by 1500 percent increase over the $1.3 million he was paid in 2009, if I’ve got my numbers right… and I do.  That’s one heck of a raise, I’d say.  What in the world did he do in 2010 that justified a 1500 percent raise?

 

(According to Reuters, he did quite a bit better than that in 2010, cashing in options and grants awarded during previous years for a grand total of $42 million that year.  And that same year his compensation also included $421458 in “moving expenses,” which would make total sense had he relocated from Chicago to the Uhuru Peak of Mount Kilimanjaro maybe.)

 

 

And all of that is to say nothing about the $35.8 million he received in 2008, the year he piloted his ship directly into the rocks and sunk it, were it not for the largesse of the U.S. taxpayer.  That was certainly a “successful year,” right Mr. Dimon?

 

You see, it’s not because we resent success that we give Jamie Dimon such a hard time, it’s because these days, we have a hard time viewing Dimon as “a success.”

 

Now, maybe if he would disclose his bank’s credit default swap counterparty positions, and off-balance sheet transactions, and conformed to GAAP accounting principals for valuing assets and recognizing losses… maybe then…

 

Or, maybe if his bank modified mortgages that were NPV positive even if it required a principal forbearance or, God forbid, a reduction, because keeping people in homes under these circumstances is simply the right thing to do.  Or, maybe if he just supported some sort of reasonable plan to handle things better than they’ve been handled to-date for America’s homeowners…

 

I’m sure then, we’d see Jamie Dimon as a major success, and wouldn’t care so much how much money he made…

 

Ya’ think?

 

Mandelman out.

 

In case you missed JPMorgan Chase’s CEO, Jamie Dimon on Meet the Press, hereeees… JAMIE!

 

 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

May
12

UTAH Foreclosure Help from Mandelman Matters – START HERE

 

You have found the Mandelman Matters state specific series of pages dedicated to homeowners at risk of foreclosure in Utah.

On the pages in this section you’ll find accurate, straightforward information and guidance specific to the State of Utah related to such topics as loan modifications, short sales, foreclosure defense litigation, bankruptcy… and other topics related to getting through the foreclosure crisis.

 

We’ve created these Utah specific pages in response to the proliferation of scammers polluting the Internet with misinformation and outright lies intended to sell something to homeowners at risk of foreclosure that they don’t need.  These sites are literally everywhere, and some are very good at appearing credible, when in fact they are nothing more than elaborate cons.

 

Well, we’ve taken great care to make sure that the information you’ll find here is always correct… always impartial… always based on real facts… and always easy to understand.

 

In case you’re not already familiar with me, my name is Martin Andelman and for going on four years, I’ve been writing the widely read blog Mandelman Matters.  Over the last three and a half years, I’ve written more than 650 in-depth articles covering the political, economic, social and legal aspects of the financial and foreclosure crises.

 

I decided that I had to do more to help stop homeowners from getting ripped off, by providing the state specific information homeowners need to make the right decisions for their individual goals and circumstances.  Moving forward on the best possible path… that’s what my state specific pages are all about.

 

And just so you know, I’ve never been in the mortgage business or the real estate business, but for more than twenty years I’ve been a writer that specializes in making complex subjects easy for people to understand… oh yeah, and people say I’m funny.  I have in-depth experience writing about subjects that fall under the broad headings of accounting, insurance, financial services and law.

 

You can read a lot more about me HERE, HERE, and HERE.

 

You may want to start by getting to know my trusted attorney for the State of Utah, Walter Keane.

 

No one pays to be listed as a trusted attorney on Mandelman Matters… that’s just not how it works.  The lawyers I list as trusted… are simply those I trust.  And when I say that, I mean that I would trust these people to represent me, or to watch my house while I went away on vacation for the summer.

 

In order to write close to 700 articles on the economic situation we’re facing today, I had to learn everything possible about the mortgage and foreclosure crises.  Not only did I read dozens of books, research reports, court decisions, and more… I also had to interview a lot of people and many were attorneys from all over the country.  Over time, some became good friends.  So, when homeowners would call me to ask if I could recommend a lawyer, I would refer them to one that I had gotten to know well, and trusted.

 

So, in Utah, my trusted attorney is Walter Keane, and if you CLICK HERE, you’ll be taken to the Utah state specific page on which you can get to know him by watching a documentary style video on which Walter talks about the foreclosure crisis in Utah.

 

Walter became somewhat famous last year when he successfully quieted the title for four Utah homeowners.  Unfortunately, as he explains, that window is no linger open in Utah, but there are still things that can be done to fight a foreclosure action.  To hear a Mandelman Matters podcast featuring Walter Keane, CLICK HERE.

 

As a Mandelman Matters trusted attorney, Walter has agreed to take calls from Utah homeowners who have questions about foreclosures, and help them by providing answers regardless of whether the caller decides to hire his firm or not.  So, if you want to talk with someone who knows foreclosure in Utah, please don’t hesitate to call him.

 

For Walter’s contact information CLICK HERE.

And, if you’re looking for State Resources, CLICK HERE.

Need to know more about Utah Foreclosure Laws, CLICK HERE.

Want to read my latest post about Utah on Mandelman Matters?

Deceptive Foreclosure Headlines Spread Like Wild Fire in Utah

May
11

Attention Homeowners & Lawyers: AG Mortgage Settlement Launches Online Complaint Sites

Finally, there are places online where homeowners, lawyers and other advocates can go to lodge complaints about a mortgage servicer’s handling of mortgage modifications, et al.  And all I can say is, it’s about time.

 

A story by Ben Hallman in the Huffington Post, quoted Joseph Smith, the ex-banking commissioner charged with enforcing the national mortgage settlement…

 

“This allows me, as monitor, to hear complaints and learn more about advocates’ impressions of how the settlement is working,” he said. “Although I’ll extensively review reports and monitoring from the banks and my own team of auditors, it is still critical for me to receive information from the heart of each community this settlement serves.”

 

Now, it’s probably at least somewhat important to remember that Smith has no power to investigate individual complaints or help individual homeowners in any way. Here’s what it says on the complaint form in bold…

 

“Please note that the Monitor cannot intervene with the servicer on behalf of your individual client.”

 

Of course, I’d also guess that he doesn’t have the manpower to read the hundreds of thousands of complaints the sites would no doubt receive if homeowners and their lawyers were actually to hear about the website.  (I’m also betting that there’s not much of an advertising budget with which they’ll be getting the word out across the nation.)

 

But, so what?  There may be another way to view these new online complaint sites.

 

Sure, there won’t be any action taken based on the complaints filed online, and nothing will likely change as a result.  And I realize that if a homeowner is being dual-tracked, can’t get a response from a mortgage servicer for months, or is losing a home to a wrongful foreclosure, these sites may only represent websites effectively dedicated to ignoring complaints online.

 

But, wait… there may be more.  Here’s what it says on the new sites…

 

“The Monitor and the Office of Mortgage Settlement Oversight can assist you by providing information about the organization in your state that is appropriate for you depending on your situation. By filling out the simple form below, you will open a webpage that has state-specific contact information of various organizations that may be able to help you. The Monitor will use this information to better understand how the servicers are treating their customers and detect any patterns in violation of the agreement.”

 

So, I really do hope that everyone takes advantage of the new websites should they have problems with their servicers related to the National Mortgage Settlement.  Here’s what Mr. Smith says about the two new sites…

 

“Lawyers, caseworkers and other consumer advocates are the eyes and ears on the ground who will know first, and know intimately, what kind of difference these payments, adjustments and programs are making,” Smith said. “That’s why we’ve created this dedicated tool -– to see what they’re seeing.”

 

Look, people… the man used to be the banking commissioner in North Carolina, but now Mr. Smith has gone to Washington and he says he needs us to be his “eyes and ears on the ground,” as far as the AG settlement’s effectiveness goes.  So, let’s not let him down, okay?

 

 

Besides, if you consider the math, the whole thing becomes that much more fun…

 

Assuming one person can read a complaint in 10 minutes, and they were to read them 6 hours each day, working the standard 2080 hours a year, it would take 1.3 years to read 100,000 complaints.

 

So, if the same numbers applied and there were a million complaints, it would take 13.3 years for one person… they’d need to hire a thousand people to get it done in 1.3 years.  And that assumes everyone is writing fairly short complaints.  Stretch those babies out to a 20-minute read and now we’re talking two thousand people to read them in 1.3 years.

 

So, look… do you want to help create jobs in this country or what?  Oh, and don’t forget to attach a large file to your complaint, I’m sure the servers are quite robust, and someone may want to read the details.  Like they said back in the 60s… can you dig what I’m saying here?

 

So, for HOMEOWNERS who want to file a complaint having to do with the National Mortgage Settlement, click here: WHERE CAN I FIND HELP?

 

For LAWYERS or ADVOCATES. click here: REPORT CLIENT ISSUES HERE.

 

Here’s a list of topics under which your complaint may fall, as listed on the new sites…

Documentation: Documentation problems with foreclosure, bankruptcy or your loan file

Fees: Improper assessment of fees, including default, foreclosure, bankruptcy, attorney, late, or third party fees.

Loan Modification: Failure to modify or refinance loan.

Customer Service: Poor customer service, including no single point of contact or no customer portal.

Third Party Firms: Failure to properly oversee firms working for servicer on your mortgage.

Military Personnel: Failure to comply with legal protections afforded military personnel.

Bankruptcy: Improper failure to provide relief to homeowners in bankruptcy.

Force Placed Insurance: Required purchase of property insurance unnecessarily or improperly.

Community Blight: Failure to minimize community blight.

Tenant Rights: Violation of the rights of tenants in foreclosed properties.

Other: __________.  No issues. I just would like further information

 

The Huffington Post story also pointed out that the federal government has also made available two other avenues where borrowers can appeal for direct assistance.

 

1. CFPB

One is the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (“CFPB”), which you can access here: File a Mortgage Complaint.  According to the Huffington Post, the CFPB,

 

“… promises to forward a grievance to the financial institution, assign it a tracking number and keep borrowers updated on the status.”

 

So, that’s very exciting, I would think.  I mean, if nothing else it sounds like you’ll have your very own individual tracking number, so that’s something right there.  I wonder how effective it will be when trying to persuade a judge not to have you evicted?

 

“But, hold on Your Honor… not so fast… have I showed you my tracking number?”

 

 

2. The OCC

And for homeowners who were in foreclosure during 2009 and 2010, don’t forget about the OCC’s infamously dishonest and entirely corrupt, Independent Foreclosure Review, which you can access here: Submit a Request for Review.  I visited the site to check out what would be involved and the best part was that right in the middle of the page there’s a warning for homeowners that reads:

 

“Watch out for scams – There is only one Independent Foreclosure Review.”

 

So, for parents reading this who have been looking for a really good example with which you could teach your children the meaning of the word “IRONY,” I’d have to say that your search has ended. 

 

The deadline to submit your complaint is July 31st, so if you’re planning to be condescendingly placated by the equivocation of your claims, you don’t want to put it off.  Fewer than three percent of eligible homeowners have submitted their cases for review, so the Obama Administration is no doubt planning to announce that 97 percent of those foreclosed on during those two years were okay with it.  I think that’s really taking one for the team, and I, for one, salute you.

 

And although it would seem that no flaws have been uncovered as yet, that’s no reason not to participate in the process.  I mean, look… someone has to win something, right?  Like the lottery.  Or, maybe not in this case… I really don’t know.

 

Here’s what the OCC’s site says about the review:

 

“The Independent Foreclosure Review will determine whether individual borrowers suffered financial injury and should receive compensation or other remedy because of errors or other problems during their home foreclosure process.”

 

The OCC’s site also STRONGLY WARNS HOMEOWNERS who want to file their case for independent review NOT TO PAY A LAWYER to help them do it under any circumstances.

 

Good heavens no… who would ever think of doing such a thing?  I mean, give us some credit, would you?

 

I think everybody knows by now that when it comes to authoring a document that alleges the suffering of financial injury for which damages or other remedy may be assessed in conjunction with errors committed by a party purporting to be the holder in due course or to have been assigned the rights of a beneficiary to a deed of trust, and or the substitute trustee who is seeking to enforce said rights as part of a foreclosure or unlawful detainer action… the last thing you’d ever want to do is hire a lawyer.

 

Sheesh, it’s not like we’re children.

 

After all, we handled getting our mortgages all by ourselves, initialing and signing all those contractual pages containing 3 point type about how our snapping turtle, spring loaded mortgage might result in payments that exceed our monthly income by three-fold at a time when the credit markets would require a 780 FICO and 30 percent equity to refinance.

 

And if we can competently handle that sort of complicated transaction, surely we all know not to pay a lawyer a nickel for something as simple as filing a complaint with the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency.

 

Look, even if the OCC finds nothing was wrong with the foreclosures in 2009 or 2010, I think we’ll all be able to join in a giant collective sigh of relief.  At least we’ll know that no one “suffered financial injury” because of errors in the foreclosure process during those two years, and we can finally move from insult to injury as we close the chapter on the unnecessary destruction of some two million family’s lives.

 

It reminds me of the stress tests they use with the banks… you know, the ones where every bank always passes.  Like something from a Monty Python skit.  Aren’t those the best?

 

Move along people, there’s nothing to see here.

 

Mandelman out.

May
11

Attention Homeowners & Lawyers: AG Mortgage Settlement Launches Online Complaint Sites

Finally, there are places online where homeowners, lawyers and other advocates can go to lodge complaints about a mortgage servicer’s handling of mortgage modifications, et al.  And all I can say is, it’s about time.

 

A story by Ben Hallman in the Huffington Post, quoted Joseph Smith, the ex-banking commissioner charged with enforcing the national mortgage settlement…

 

“This allows me, as monitor, to hear complaints and learn more about advocates’ impressions of how the settlement is working,” he said. “Although I’ll extensively review reports and monitoring from the banks and my own team of auditors, it is still critical for me to receive information from the heart of each community this settlement serves.”

 

Now, it’s probably at least somewhat important to remember that Smith has no power to investigate individual complaints or help individual homeowners in any way. Here’s what it says on the complaint form in bold…

 

“Please note that the Monitor cannot intervene with the servicer on behalf of your individual client.”

 

Of course, I’d also guess that he doesn’t have the manpower to read the hundreds of thousands of complaints the sites would no doubt receive if homeowners and their lawyers were actually to hear about the website.  (I’m also betting that there’s not much of an advertising budget with which they’ll be getting the word out across the nation.)

 

But, so what?  Sure, there won’t be any action taken based on the complaints filed online, and nothing will likely change as a result.  But, at least now, if a homeowner is being dual-tracked, can’t get a response from a mortgage servicer for months, or is losing a home to a wrongful foreclosure, there’s a website effectively dedicated to ignoring complaints online.

 

Very cool, don’t you think?

 

I for one am glad to see that this country is finally taking the foreclosure crisis seriously and that my tax dollars are being put to good use, and I really do hope that everyone take advantage of the new websites.  Here’s what Mr. Smith says about the two new sites…

 

“Lawyers, caseworkers and other consumer advocates are the eyes and ears on the ground who will know first, and know intimately, what kind of difference these payments, adjustments and programs are making,” Smith said. “That’s why we’ve created this dedicated tool -– to see what they’re seeing.”

 

Look, people… the man used to be the banking commissioner in North Carolina, but now Mr. Smith has gone to Washington and he says he needs us to be his “eyes and ears on the ground,” as far as the AG settlement’s effectiveness goes.  So, let’s not let him down, okay?

 

 

Consider the math, and the whole thing becomes much more fun…

 

Assuming one person can read a complaint in 10 minutes, and they were to read them 6 hours each day, working the standard 2080 hours a year, it would take 1.3 years to read 100,000 complaints.

 

So, if the same numbers applied and there were a million complaints, it would take 13.3 years for one person… they’d need to hire a thousand people to get it done in 1.3 years.  And that assumes everyone is writing fairly short complaints.  Stretch those babies out to a 20-minute read and now we’re talking two thousand people to read them in 1.3 years.

 

So, look… do you want to help create jobs in this country or what?  Oh, and don’t forget to attach a large file to your complaint, I’m sure the servers are quite robust, and someone may want to read the details.  Like they said back in the 60s… can you dig what I’m saying here?

 

So, for HOMEOWNERS who want to file a complaint having to do with the National Mortgage Settlement, click here: WHERE CAN I FIND HELP?

 

For LAWYERS or ADVOCATES. click here: REPORT CLIENT ISSUES HERE.

 

The Huffington Post story also pointed out that the federal government has also made available two other avenues where borrowers can appeal for direct assistance.

 

One is the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (“CFPB”), which you can access here: File a Mortgage Complaint.  According to the Huffington Post, the CFPB,

 

“… promises to forward a grievance to the financial institution, assign it a tracking number and keep borrowers updated on the status.”

 

So, that’s very exciting, I would think.  I mean, if nothing else it sounds like you’ll have your very own individual tracking number, so that’s something right there.  I wonder how effective it will be when trying to persuade a judge not to have you evicted?

 

“But, hold on Your Honor… not so fast… have I showed you my tracking number?”

 

 

And for homeowners who were in foreclosure during 2009 and 2010, don’t forget about the OCC’s infamously dishonest and entirely corrupt, Independent Foreclosure Review, which you can access here: Submit a Request for Review.  I visited the site to check out what would be involved and the best part was that right in the middle of the page there’s a warning for homeowners that reads:

 

“Watch out for scams – There is only one Independent Foreclosure Review.”

 

So, for parents reading this who have been looking for a really good example with which you could teach your children the meaning of the word “IRONY,” I’d have to say that your search has ended. 

 

The deadline to submit your complaint is July 31st, so if you’re planning to be condescendingly placated by the equivocation of your claims, you don’t want to put it off.  Fewer than three percent of eligible homeowners have submitted their cases for review, so the Obama Administration is no doubt planning to announce that 97 percent of those foreclosed on during those two years were okay with it.  I think that’s really taking one for the team, and I, for one, salute you.

 

And although it would seem that no flaws have been uncovered as yet, that’s no reason not to participate in the process.  I mean, look… someone has to win something, right?  Like the lottery.  Or, maybe not in this case… I really don’t know.

 

Here’s what the OCC’s site says about the review:

 

“The Independent Foreclosure Review will determine whether individual borrowers suffered financial injury and should receive compensation or other remedy because of errors or other problems during their home foreclosure process.”

 

The OCC’s site also STRONGLY WARNS HOMEOWNERS who want to file their case for independent review NOT TO PAY A LAWYER to help them do it under any circumstances.

 

Good heavens no… who would ever think of doing such a thing?  I mean, give us some credit, would you?

 

I think everybody knows by now that when it comes to authoring a document that alleges the suffering of financial injury for which damages or other remedy may be assessed in conjunction with errors committed by a party purporting to be the holder in due course or to have been assigned the rights of a beneficiary to a deed of trust, and or the substitute trustee who is seeking to enforce said rights as part of a foreclosure or unlawful detainer action… the last thing you’d ever want to do is hire a lawyer.

 

Sheesh, it’s not like we’re children.

 

After all, we handled getting our mortgages all by ourselves, initialing and signing all those contractual pages containing 3 point type about how our snapping turtle, spring loaded mortgage might result in payments that exceed our monthly income by three-fold at a time when the credit markets would require a 780 FICO and 30 percent equity to refinance.

 

And if we can competently handle that sort of complicated transaction, surely we all know not to pay a lawyer a nickel for something as simple as filing a complaint with the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency.

Look, even if the OCC finds nothing was wrong with the foreclosures in 2009 or 2010, I think we’ll all be able to join in a giant collective sigh of relief.  At least we’ll know that no one “suffered financial injury” because of errors in the foreclosure process during those two years, and we can finally move from insult to injury as we close the chapter on the unnecessary destruction of some two million family’s lives.

 

It reminds me of the stress tests they use with the banks… you know, the ones where every bank always passes.  Like something from a Monty Python skit.  Aren’t those the best?

 

Move along people, there’s nothing to see here.

 

Mandelman out.

May
07

California Homeowner in Foreclosure Wins Quiet Title – It’s a Free House!

 

Well, just when I thought I’d seen everything…

 

A Riverside, California homeowner, Denise Saluto, who was in foreclosure filed for quiet title against Deutsche Bank National Trust, as trustee for Long Beach Mortgage, and its successors and/or assigns, and Washington Mutual Bank, successor in interest to Long Beach Mortgage Company… and won by default.  (And Washington Mutual, turned into JPMorgan Chase.)

 

That’s right… neither Deutsche Bank nor JPMorgan Chase responded to the lawsuit.

When this happens, the Plaintiff still has to present his or her case, but it’s unopposed so it’s not exactly the highest of hurdles.  After considering the evidence presented by the Plaintiff, the court entered judgment in favor of Plaintiff and against the Defendants, thereby voiding her Trustee Sale and the Deed of Trust.  So, presto-change-o… no more mortgage… as in… it’s a free and clear house!  Ms. Saluto may still owe the debt, but the mortgage company is now like Visa or Mastercard, insecure because they’re unsecured.  And no one wants to be unsecured, especially in bankruptcy court.

 

Now, some will say that Deutsche Bank/JPMorgan Chase didn’t respond because they just forgot or whatever, but I don’t know whether that’s the case or not.  In fact, when their lawyer tried using this excuse, the judge was quick to point out that the file had been with the lawyer for NINE MONTHS before any efforts were made to get the default judgment set aside.

 

When a party loses by default like that, assuming it was an oversight of some kind, they usually appeal the decision as soon as they’re notified of the judgment by coming back into court to ask the judge to set aside the default judgment, claiming they weren’t properly served or something like that.  And depending on the reason they defaulted, and almost certainly in the case of a bank and a foreclosure, the judge will set aside the default judgment and let the case start over. 

 

As a matter of fact, if it’s within six months of the default, and the lawyer takes the blame, the court MUST vacate the default judgment.  It’s actually the only time you ever get to see a lawyer willingly accept blame for anything.

 

So, in this case, as one would think, Deutsche Bank did appeal the decision, but the thing is, they waited almost a year to do so, in legalese… the bank, “failed to establish diligence in bringing their motion for relief.”

 

“On February 5, 2009, Saluto filed a complaint against JPMorgan Chase Bank and Deutsche Bank to set aside a trustee sale for violations of title 15 of the United States Code section 1601 et seq. and 12 Code of Federal Regulations part 226.1 et seq., to cancel the trustee deed upon sale, and for quiet title.

 

Defendants failed to respond to the complaint, and on March 16, 2009, Saluto served a request for entry of default on defendants.  The next day, Saluto filed the proofs of service and the request for default with the trial court. The trial court entered default on each defendant on March 17, 2009.” An entry of default just means that the defendant cannot file a response.  The Plaintiff still must file a “default judgment package,” which contains evidence supporting their claims.

 

In July 2009, Saluto filed a request for entry of default judgment, and on December 15, 2009, default judgments were entered.

 

 

Then… a year went by before…

 

“On June 15, 2010, defendants filed a motion to set aside the defaults and default judgments under section 473, subdivision (b), which allows relief from an action taken against a party through mistake, inadvertence, surprise, or excusable neglect when the motion for relief is made “within a reasonable time, in no case exceeding six months, after the judgment, dismissal, order, or proceeding was taken.”

 

To support the motion, defendants filed the declarations of their attorney, Jenny L. Merris; a vice-president of Deutsche Bank, Ronaldo Reyes; and a research analyst of JPMorgan Chase Bank, Harold Galo. The declarations stated that defendants had no record of receiving service and were not aware of the lawsuit until March 2010.”

 

So, on October 28, 2010, Judge Mark E. Johnson heard the banks’ motion.

 

At the hearing, Judge Johnson stated:

 

“Im going to deny the motion. I do believe that I am outside of the six-month limit. . . . I also dont see the due diligence. So if you want to re-bring it under [section] 473.5, I will look at that, but at least as to this ground I have before me, [section] 473 subdivision (b), Im denying the motion.

 

On December 3, 2010, defendants filed a motion to set aside the defaults under section 473.5. Defendants submitted new declarations of Reyes, Galo, and Merris in support of the motion.”

 

Deutsche Bank claimed the bank had “no actual knowledge of this action until in or around early April 2010 when JPMorgan Chase Bank’s counsel informed it that Plaintiff had recorded the Default Court Judgment against this property.”  Deutsche Bank’s declaration claimed, “This was the first time that Deutsche Bank became aware of the existence of this action.”

 

JPMorgan Chase claimed that it “had no actual knowledge of this action until on or around March 2010 when JPMorgan was informed that Plaintiff was seeking to refinance the property . . . and that Plaintiff had recorded the Default Court Judgment against this property.”

 

This time, Commissioner Barkley granted the motion brought by the banks thereby vacating the default judgment the Plaintiff had obtained about a year earlier. Saluto then appealed the decision to California’s Court of Appeals, Fourth District, Division Two, contending that the defendants’ motion under section 473.5 was, in essence, a motion for reconsideration, and defendants failed to comply with the procedural requirements of section 1008. (Don’t worry about section 1008 for a moment.)  Saluto also argued that Commissioner Barkley simply got it wrong, and that the default judgment should have been upheld.

 

Now, this gets kind of technical, but Section 473.5 says that when service of a summons fails to result in actual notice to a defendant in time to defend the action… and therefore a default or default judgment is entered… the defendant may serve and file a notice of motion to set aside the default or default judgment and for leave to defend the action.

 

Section 473.5 says that the notice of motion has to be served and filed within a reasonable time, but not exceeding the earlier of two years after entry if a default judgment, or 180 days after service of a written notice that the default or default judgment has been entered.

 

 

Basically, because JPMorgan Chase Bank said it discovered the default in March 2010 and Deutsche Bank said it discovered the default in early April 2010, but they didn’t file their motion under section 473.5 until December 2010, the appeals court found no evidence that the two banks acted “diligently” in bringing their motion for relief under section 473.5, and therefore the trial court should not have granted the motion that set aside the default judgment.

 

As far as complying with the procedural requirements of section 1008, mentioned above, the court said the following…

 

“Because we have found reversible error based on defendants failure to establish diligence in bringing their motion for relief, Salutos additional contentions are moot.”

 

So, that’s that for Denise Saluto… she won, quieted her title and now she has no mortgage on her home.  She may still owe the money to some entity, but the debt is unsecured… like credit card debt… whatever she owes it’s no longer tied to her home.

 

Pretty amazing, right?  If you would have asked me last week, I would have said there’s absolutely no chance that filing for quiet title will result in your loan being unsecured.  And I would have been entirely wrong because Denise Saluto just did it.

 

And again… did it happen because Deutsche Bank and JPMorgan Chase somehow let this slip through the cracks?  Maybe.  Or, was it that the banks weren’t prepared to defend the quiet title action… as in, they couldn’t find the note, or the assignment was a forged and fraudulent mess.

 

Honestly, I have no idea what happened here, and I don’t think anyone else can know for sure either.  All we can know is what happened.

 

So, what could happen next?

 

I started thinking about what could happen from here for Denise Saluto.  Would she simply walk away with her free and clear home and that would be it?  Or, would the banks have another move on the chessboard that would reverse the decision and cost Denise her home?

 

I called around to various lawyers and other experts, asking if the banks could somehow get the decision reversed?  The answer: No.  The decision by the Court of Appeal is essentially final.  Sure, the California Supreme Court could overturn a decision by this court, but I’m told that the chances of that happening are so remote that it’s not worth considering.

 

So, there are no legal maneuvers that will change what’s happened, but I can’t believe that the bankers are just going to give up and go home on this either.  Maybe they will, but maybe they won’t, right?  So, what else could happen next to threaten the title to Denise’s home?

 

Ooops, we forgot… we sold it to someone else?

 

I’m not saying this is going to happen, but it occurred to me that a “new owner” of Denise’s note could show up on the scene with paperwork showing they bought it from the prior owner, either Deutsche Bank or JPMorgan Chase, before all this transpired.

 

You know, like a surprise owner that just happens to have appropriately dated paperwork showing that they are the owners of Denise’s loan and therefore the quiet title doesn’t apply… she’s behind on her payments, and therefore they are moving to foreclose.

 

Would this be fraud?  I would certainly think so.  Would that stop the bankers from doing it?  I would certainly think not.  And would it work and cause Denise to lose her home?

 

The lawyers, however, all tell me the answer is no.  None of that would happen… it simply wouldn’t work.

So, Denise Saluto does now own her home free and clear.  However, it seems very likely that she still owes the amount of her mortgage as an unsecured debt.  Lawyers have told me that she could potentially have the debt discharged in a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, but it would depend on a few things lining up just right, including the value of her home being less than the homestead exemption.

 

In general, a judgment creditor cannot force the sale of your home unless your home can be sold for an amount that would satisfy all superior liens PLUS the amount of your homestead exemption.  It looks to me like equity of up to $75,000 is exempt if you’re under 65 years of age, and $150,000 if over 65, and if you’re married it’s higher still.

 

But, as with everything having to do with the law, there are plenty of caveats, limitations and nuances.  I found many of them in the California Code of Civil Procedure Section 704.730, but as always, check with an attorney before assuming anything because my experience has been that just because it says one thing doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean another.

 

Okay, so what does this mean to me?

 

Well, in my opinion… that’s an interesting question.

 

For one thing, filing quiet title did work out well for Denise Saluto, and since I would never have predicted it happening in her case, I’m certainly not going to tell you it won’t happen again in yours, because as I said earlier… I don’t know why it happened.  It might have slipped through cracks, or might have been caused by other factors.

 

Ever since yesterday when I started reading the decision by the California Court of Appeal, I’ve been trying to come up with a reason not to file one myself.

 

The lawyers I spoke with all told me that you have to have legitimate doubt about who holds title to your home, or else you’d be filing fraudulently, but I don’t see that as being a problem for me or anyone else in this country whose been paying attention to the news these last few years.

 

I mean, since I do know that Mickey Mouse has been signing the Assignment of the Deed of Trust in most cases, and Donald Duck has been notarizing it, and since the President of the United States recently told the country that there have been thousands of fraudulent foreclosures, and with countless lawsuits alleging that Mortgage-backed securities are in fact, less filling, as opposed to tasting great… let’s just say that I would not want to be asked under oath who owns my note.

 

As far as my having legitimate doubts as to the holder of title to my home, I could assure any court under oath that when it comes to my hizzle, my doubt is rizzle… it’s legit.  Word.

 

(That was me trying to be “hip,” but let’s not tell my daughter because she will be so embarrassed.)

 

This decision got me thinking about all sorts of possibilities, truth be told.  Like, what if many thousands of people all filed for quiet title around the same time… like maybe a million homeowners… LOL.  I would definitely have to go pay-per-view to see that shiznit go down.

 

If JPMorgan Chase and Deutsche were caught bo janglin in Denise’s case, I’d have to wager that many thousands of quiet title filings would leave them in a tizzle(Oops, I did it again.)

 

So, realizing that I wouldn’t be the only one thinking this way, I went online to see how many sites there were offering to teach homeowners how to file quiet title, or represent homeowners who want to file for quiet title… and not surprisingly, there were plenty of them… some want thousands of dollars for their services, and some want anywhere from many hundreds to a couple thousand dollars for a kit that claims to help you do it yourself.

 

And because, even though I think it’s a long shot, I don’t think it’s more of a long shot than winning the lottery or having a slot machine pay off, so I got together with some lawyers and other experts and am putting together a comprehensive guide to filing quiet title, which won’t cost more than $100, and will offer everything the more expensive versions have to offer, and probably even more.

 

Will it work?  I have no idea, and I’d have to guess that the answer will be no a lot more often than it’ll be yes.  But, if you’ve decided to try it, at least this way you won’t have to spend a lot of money doing so.  For a hundred bucks, you can spin the wheel and if it doesn’t work… oh well.  And if it does… well, then… Woohoo!

 

(Look for the new site in the next few days at www.filequiettitle.com and www.quiettitlecalifornia.com)

 

If you want more information on the Mandelman Guide to Filing Quiet Title, email me at mandelman@mac.com and I’ll send you an email response with more details.  The guide will be packed with easy to understand insight and instructions, tricks and tips, rules and limitations, and even sample templates to make it easy to file your own complaint with the court.

 

It will help you do it right… do it cheap… and do it safely.  And I’ll be consulting with lawyers in each state, so I’ll have the specifics for your state included, if applicable.

 

I’m not saying you should do it… and after Denise Saluto’s outcome, I’m sure as heck not saying you shouldn’t.  All I am saying is that I’m going to make sure that you don’t need to spend a bunch of money trying it.  And it shouldn’t become the primary strategy to keep your home, because no one knows why it worked in the Saluto case… or whether it will work for you.

 

But, it does prove one thing fo’ shizzle… when it comes to the foreclosure crisis, no one knows what will happen tomorrow, because the only thing that’s consistent about this mess is its glaring and scandalous inconsistencies.

 

Mandelman out.

 


May
07

Debt Forgiveness – The IMF, Iceland, and the U.S. of the 1930s all say it works


The International Monetary Fund (“IMF”), in its latest World Economic Outlook, stated quite clearly that mortgage write-downs, among other forms of debt forgiveness, can deliver significant economic benefits by substantially mitigating the negative impact of deleveraging on a nation’s economic activity.

 

The report points out that our recession is being driven by households forced to reduce their debt leading to reduced consumer spending, which in turn drives us deeper into recession.

 

Daniel Leigh, the report’s author, made the concept simple for anyone, except perhaps Ed DeMarco of the FHFA, to understand…

 

“Because debt is acting as a brake on economic growth, it is important to unstick the brake.” 

 

I love this guy… he’s like the Forrest Gump of the economics set.  Now get this…

 

“The IMF has studied the response of a number of countries to situations where large parts of the population are burdened with high mortgage debt in a recession, and finds that such programs can help prevent self-reinforcing cycles of falling house prices and lower aggregate demand.”

 

That sounds suspiciously familiar… which country would fall into that category?  Oh yeah… ours.  The report’s conclusions go on to give me goose bumps…

 

“Such policies are particularly relevant for economies with limited scope for expansionary macroeconomic policies and in which the financial sector has already received government support.”

 

The report focused in on the household debt reduction program implemented in the U.S. during the 1930′s… and in Iceland in our current crisis, which it said can…

 

“… significantly reduce the number of household defaults and foreclosures and substantially reduce debt repayment burdens.”

 

The report also contrasted those successes with examples of failures to effectively deal with the fallout of an economic crisis… such as the current response to the crisis in the U.S.”

 

 

Oh, dear Lord people… what do we need a ton of bricks to fall on our heads?  Because if we keep doing what we’ve been doing to-date, that’s at least metaphorically exactly what is going to happen.

 

The report also said that programs must be designed with incentives for BOTH banks and borrowers to participate, “notably by offering a viable alternative to default and foreclosure.”

 

The IMF also pointed out that…

 

“The friction caused by such redistribution may be one reason why such policies have rarely been used in the past, except when the magnitude of the problem was substantial and the ensuing social and political pressures considerable.”

 

I’m starting to feel a little nauseous over here… is any of this ringing any bells for anyone?  Who is it that keeps talking about the need for…considerable social and political pressures?  Me, right?

 

The report also cited a study which found that, “political systems tend to become more polarized in the wake of financial crises,” and as a result led to problems generating collective actions… like DOERS, comes to mind.  Specifically, the report said that, “distressed mortgage borrowers may be less politically organized than banks – and this can hamper efforts to implement household debt restructuring.”

 

I think I’m going to need to lie down soon… but first I think I’ll go out to my driveway and slam my hand in my car door… in an effort to make the pain go away.

 

 

Join me in the Way Back Machine…

It’s the U.S. during The Great Depression of the 1930′s and FDR has just introduced the Home Owners Loan Corporation or HOLC.

HOLC will be using government bonds that offer federal guarantees on principal and interest to buy up distressed mortgages from banks.  The purchases will represent 8.4 percent of our country’s GDP in 1933.

HOLC will then be restructuring these mortgages to make them more affordable to homeowners.  The result will be that 80 percent of these restructured loans, roughly 800,000, will be protected from foreclosure.

Primarily, HOLC will extend the term of the mortgages, in some cases doubling the term, and converting the loans from variable to fixed rate loans, but HOLC also wrote off principal in many instances so that no loans exceeded 80 percent of the current appraised value.

Over the next twenty years or so these mortgages will be sold and the government will even make a profit by the time the program ends in 1951.

 

Referring to the HOLC program, the IMF’s report said…

 

“A key feature of the HOLC was the effective transfer of funds to credit constrained households with distressed balance sheets and a high marginal propensity to consume, which mitigated the negative effects on aggregate demand, which was caused by the recession and need for household deleveraging.”

 

In other words, it worked.  Well, I’ll be Bernanke’s Uncle.  Isn’t Ben supposed to be an expert on The Great Depression?  I could have sworn…

 

But wait… there’s more…

 

Apparently, this year Iceland has been forgiving mortgage debt for its citizens in an effort to stimulate economic growth and guess what?

 

It’s working there too!

 

 

The Icelandic government and the reconstructed Icelandic banks worked together to develop, “a template to be used in case by case restructuring discussions between borrowers and lenders.”

 

“The templates facilitated substantial debt write-downs designed to align secured debt with the supporting collateral,” or in other words, reduce the loan in line with the current value of the home, and make sure that the terms are such that the homeowner has the ability to repay the loan.

 

Brilliant!  What are they putting in their Cheerios over there?  We need some, whatever it is.

 

“The IMF found that such case by case negotiations safeguard property rights and reduced moral hazard.”

 

No kidding.  Do tell.

 

Then only problem was that the process was time consuming because as of January of this year, only 35 percent of the restructuring applications were processed.  Here in the U.S. we’ve been knocking our politically divided heads against the wall for four years now, and we’re nowhere close to having processed 35 percent of anything.

 

But, Iceland is obviously a country with advanced critical thinking skills, likely the result of not having CNBC or Fox News channels, so it has introduced a debt forgiveness plan which writes down seriously underwater mortgages to 110 percent of the current value of the given property.

 

Iceland’s officials did say that before debt write-downs really took off, it took the announcement of “… a comprehensive framework and clear expiration date for relief measure.”

 

See, that leaves the U.S. out, right there.  Name one thing we’ve done since 2006 that you’d describe as being either comprehensive or clear?  Go ahead… I’m waiting.  Okay, I’ll make it even easier… what have we done that’s been somewhat comprehensive and reasonably clear?

 

Right… that’s what I thought you’d say.  The only way we’ll be able to make this Iceland strategy work over here is if we can succeed by developing something that’s “narrow and muddy.”  Comprehensive and clear seem entirely out of reach for us.

 

So… how’s it going, Ice, Ice Baby?

 

“As of January 2012, 15 to 20 percent of all Icelandic mortgages have been or are in the process of being written down.”

 

Of course, as an intuitive economist once said, and I’m paraphrasing here…

 

“If you want to create the much-admired Danish model, you’re going to need some Danes.”

 

Iceland’s mortgage write-down program happened as a result of thousands of its citizens taking to the streets demanding that something be done about the debts the people had incurred buying homes during the bubble at what turned out to be wildly inflated prices.  At one point, they surrounded the country’s parliament building and started throwing rocks.

 

(And people laughed at me last year when I suggested that we form a group called, “People in Favor of Hitting Politicians with Sticks,” or PIFOHPWS… for short.)

 

Of course, in our country, there’s no way that would ever happen because we’re all way too ashamed to be seen on CNN in what would be called, “The March of the Deadbeats.”  Which is why I suggested the DOERS idea… stay home, send emails and other clever things through the mail.  Occupy without leaving your house, if you will.

 

Even though, you would think that by now more people would be figuring out that if home values fall by 60 percent or more… and unemployment soars past the 20 percent mark… there are going to be an awful lot of people that may look, “irresponsible,” but are purely innocent victims of a global credit crisis.

 

Are you listening, Rick Santelli, you odious, insufferable, unenlightened and ill-bred jackass?  I doubt it.  I think it’s abundantly clear that you haven’t been able to listen to anything but the droning that goes on incessantly between your pinned back ears.

 

So, how come the whole debt forgiveness thing is working so well over in Iceland, but if the issue even comes up for discussion over here, we can’t stop a parade of badly behaved adult children from whining about how they’re paying their mortgage payments and therefore would rather see the country mired in a 40-year economic funk than lift a finger that could potentially benefit someone who took out a second to remodel a bathroom?

 

Who are these people, and more to the point, who are their parents?  Because when the revolution comes, I’m taking them out first.  Our new society simply cannot be allowed to start with their sort of genetic defect.  Or, like the man said… you can’t fix stupid or petty.

 

Brendan Keenan, writing in the Independent.ie, had the following to say on the topic of the Iceland debt forgiveness strategy…

 

“It will probably be necessary in the end to do something of the kind in this country, but any government trying should tread very, very warily. We may not be Greeks, but nor are we Icelanders.”

 

That’s true… but what are we in the eyes of the rest of the world these days?

 

A spoiled, drunk 15 year-old waving a gun in their face?

 

Mandelman out.

 

 

 

 

May
02

Bar Defense Atty David Carr Exposes the CA Bar on Scammers and SB 94 – A MM Podcast

 

FASCINATING!  SHOCKING!  SCANDALOUS! 

INVALUABLE INFORMATION AND INSIGHT FOR LAWYERS… REAL ESTATE LICENSEES… AND ANYONE INVOLVED IN THE FORECLOSURE CRISIS IN CALIFORNIA AND ELSEWHERE.

David Cameron Carr has been in private practice representing California attorneys and applicants since 2001, but before that, between 1989 and 2001,  he was a staff attorney at the California State Bar Association, and from 1999 and 2001 he was Manager, Los Angeles General Trials Unit.  From 1992-1999, he was a State Bar Discipline Prosecutor, and from 1989-1992, he worked as a Staff attorney, handling Complaint Audit & Review.

David graduated in 1986 from Loyola Law School, Los Angeles, and was admitted to the State Bar of California in December of that same year.  He’s admitted to Southern, Central and Northern US District Courts for California.  He;s a Member of the San Diego County Bar Association’s Legal Ethics Committee, a Member of the Association of Professional Responsibility Lawyers (APRL), a Member of the American Bar Association and ABA Center for Professional Responsibility.

He also serves as President of the Association of Discipline Defense Counsel.

Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way…

I can tell you that I’ve gotten to know David Carr pretty well over the last few years, we’ve worked together in a way, as I’ve been intimately involved in the travesty related to lawyers and loan modifications that was created in 2009, when California Senate Bill 94, which was sponsored by Senate Banking Committee Chair, Rom Calderon was signed into law by the Governor on October 12, that year.

The law created by SB 94 is the Crown Prince of unintended consequences.  Created in the hopes of to protecting California’s distressed homeowners at risk of foreclosure from unscrupulous scammers by prohibiting advance fees in conjunction with providing loan modification services.  The law hasn’t come anywhere near achieving its objective.  Even Suzan Anderson, who is the Supervisor of the State Bar’s Special Team on Loan Modification Fraud, speaking last December to David Streitfeld of The New York Times said: “I wish the law had worked.”

What SB 94 has done in the hands of the California State Bar is create so much confusion in the legal community that hundreds or perhaps thousands of legitimate attorneys have stopped offering to help homeowners get their loans modified, while the scammers have continued to proliferate as if nothing changed.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

David Cameron Carr knows what’s really happened and continues to happen in California since SB 94 became law in 2009.  And he knows the situation from the perspective of the State Bar, and from the perspective of the ethical lawyers caught up in the confusion.

If you’re a lawyer or real estate licensee that has been involved in helping homeowners save their homes from foreclosure over the last few years, or a homeowner struggling to understand the crisisat hand…

I PROMISE… YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS…

Mandelman Matters Podcast with David Cameron Carr

Mandelman out.

May
01

White Powder in Envelopes Mailed to Wells Fargo in NYC – Idiots happy it’s not toxic

Well, here we go.  In our race to the bottom… our attempt to see how far we can push it before we break something… our desire to see chaos American style… ABC News reported yesterday that at least seven locations in Manhattan, “primarily Wells Fargo Banks,” according to the story, received envelopes in the mail containing  “suspicious white powder,” police officials said.

 

Well, thank heaven it wasn’t the non-suspicious form of white powder… you know, the kind we’re all used to getting in our mail every day.

 

The message that arrived in the envelopes read as follows:

 

“This is a reminder that you are not in control.  Just in case you needed a little incentive to stop working we have a little surprise for you.  Think fast you have seconds.”

 

AP reported that the powder in the envelopes caused evacuations at bank branches, but no injuries, as if that last part mattered in the least.  Idiots appear to be happy that the powder was found to be cornstarch… as opposed to Anthrax, I suppose.

 

Gee, now that’s certainly a relief.  Whew, I guess we dodged a bullet there, didn’t we?

 

 

Manhattan police, about ready to round up the usual suspects and get a rope, initially suggested based on absolutely nothing that the envelopes could have been mailed by “militants from within the Occupy Wall Street movement.”

 

Luckily, a spokesperson for Occupy Wall Street denied any connection to the mailings… and that seemed to accomplish what exactly?  I guess the NYPD said, “Oh, okay… sorry about accusing you guys of potentially mailing Anthrax to banks in Manhattan?  Our bad.”

 

The police say they thought that Wells Fargo was the target of the mailings because it’s based in San Francisco, and what they described as “about half of a key dozen Occupy Wall Street members have backgrounds in Oakland, San Francisco and Berkeley… and SIMILAR INCIDENTS OCCURRED IN CALIFORNIA EARLIER THIS WEEK, police sources said.”

 

“A key dozen Occupy Wall Street members?”  So, now there are probably a few hundred who are convinced that phrase was referring to them… perfect.  And what exactly was similar about the incidents that occurred in California that no one seems to have heard anything about until now?  Was it the cornstarch… the mailings… the scary message inside?  How similar were these events exactly and why were they mentioned before now?

 

Another theory I just made up is that Wells Fargo was targeted because it’s stage coach logo is reminiscent of the old West, when Native Americans were the victims of genocide, so the FBI is said to be investigating Indian casinos in several states.

 

What?  My theory makes every bit as much sense as theirs does.

 

Others on the list of potential suspects include any number of the 8 million Americans whose lives have been destroyed by the foreclosure crisis, or any of the hundred million or so that are beyond pissed over bailing out banks with trillions while leaving the country’s working class to die on the proverbial vine.

 

Or the commies, it could always be the commies.  And let’s not forget the Jews, al-Qaeda, ex-military wackos, or a prankish band of Ivy League college students, saddled by student loans and out to have some fun.  Or foreigners, don’t forget foreigners.

 

In other words, police had no idea whatsoever who sent the mailings.

 

Embarrassingly, ABC reported that the Manhattan mailings, “mainly appear to have reached low-level workers.”  And New York police spokesman Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne incoherently blathered to ABC News:

 

“Apparently, the message was aimed at the mail room workers among the 99 percent.”

 

The police are saying that the mailings were intended for May Day delivery, but arrived a day early.  One official, according to ABC News, inexplicably said…

 

”They underestimated the efficiency of the U.S. Postal Service.”

 

Ha!  So, the joke’s really on them after all, right?  Didn’t think the USPS could foil your plans with their efficient inner city delivery, now did you?  Ha!  So there.

 

 

I’m reporting, however, that regardless of who the mailings appear to have reached, senior executive seat cushions at Wells Fargo and other banks are all being replaced today after being soiled as the news of the mailings and their enclosed powdery substance spread through the executive ranks.

 

I’m also reporting that I have instructed my wife and daughter not to go inside the bank for any reason, and instead only use the ATM after hours.  And I’m not kidding about that in the least.

 

No one should be the least bit surprised that this is happening, and it’s nothing to take lightly or brush off as nothing to be worried about… it’s scary as all hell because it’s a certainty, in my opinion, that it’s only a matter of time before people are killed in one way or the other as a result of what this country has allowed to happen to untold millions.

 

“This is a reminder that you are not in control.  Just in case you needed a little incentive to stop working we have a little surprise for you.  Think fast you have seconds.”

 

There’s a word for that sort of message, it’s “terrorism.”  And it can strike without warning and claim the lives of thousands… and there’s no way to stop it, and no one who cares about being punished for it after the fact.

 

The Oklahoma City bombing, April 19, 1995, claimed 168 lives, including 19 children under the age of 6 years old.  More than 680 were injured.  The bomb destroyed or damaged 324 buildings in a 16-block radius, destroyed or burned 86 cars, and shattered glass in 258 buildings nearby.

 

 

Timothy McVeigh believed that the bombing had a positive impact on government policy.  And what angered him then is nothing compared to the potential for rage that exists today.

 

During the 1930s, after the attack and attempted lynching of a judge (who was signing eviction orders) by 200 Iowa farmers who stormed into Judge Bradley’s courtroom in April 1933, the Governor of Iowa placed the state under martial law.

 

In Minnesota, similar degrees of civil unrest and the threat of violence led Chief Justice Hughes to declare a moratorium on foreclosures.

 

Expressing frank understanding that the nation’s economic catastrophe threatened political stability, Hughes remarked, “the policy of protecting contracts against impairment presupposes the maintenance of a government by virtue of which contractual relations are worthwhile.” 

 

Hughes found that the mortgage crisis in Minnesota justified the stay of “immediate and literal enforcement of contractual obligations” insofar as the emergency was real and no mere legislative subterfuge; the statute was designed for the benefit of society as a whole rather than particular individuals; and the legislation was temporary and no broader than necessary to accomplish its purpose.  Hughes also denied that the statute violated due process or equal protection.

 

A foreclosure moratorium is not what we need… it is a last resort.

 

What we need is a fairer and more compassionate process through which we can get through the foreclosure crisis.  The way in which foreclosures have been handled to-date has been wrong to the point of being barbaric, and we will continue to deny and ignore this truth at our peril.

 

Mandelman out.

May
01

DOER UPDATE: Patricia Martin v. Wells Fargo – Court Grants Injunction, Injustice on Trial Ahead

 

What you’re about to read about should never be allowed to happen in this country, and what is particularly troubling is that Wells Fargo Bank could have very easily prevented it by simply communicating with its customer honestly or competently.

 

And the law firm employed by Wells Fargo to wrongfully foreclose on this 73 year-old widow’s home of 43 years, Anglin, Flewelling, Rasmussen, Campbell & Trytten, LLP of Pasadena, California, could have stopped this travesty of justice as well, but these lawyers can’t even be bothered to actually appear in the courtroom, choosing instead to phone in their odious nuggets of legal claptrap, entirely devoid of common sense, because that’s how they roll.

 

As it stands, and as a result of Wells Fargo’s handling of the matter, a 73 year-old woman is at risk of losing a home that she has owned for 43 years… and all because she fell behind on her mortgage by $104.27. 

 

That’s right… we’re talking about a hundred bucks and change here.  You want some offensive stupidity?  Wells you’ve certainly come to the right fargo.

 

A Personal Note to Laurie Maggiano at Treasury… I just wanted you to know that I was sincere when I told you that I’m trying to suppress my aggressive tendencies and stop being so snarky all the time, but are you following this case at all?  Because as long as the Obama Administration continues to ignore this sort of thing, you could be the Michelangelo of Home Preservation and it won’t matter because your ceiling’s being covered in a Navajo White semi-gloss with a stipple effect.  I’m just saying…

 

Remember Patricia Martin’s foreclosure situation with Wells Fargo? 

 

I wrote about it on February 20th of this year, and if you didn’t see it, I’d suggest that you continue reading what follows and then if you think it necessary, you can click DOER ALERT to read the original article.

 

Patricia Martin’s DOER ALERT, by the way, was the only one that did not succeed. Although Wells Fargo had responded to a DOER ALERT in the past, this time they completely ignored our pleas for the bank to do the right thing and stop her eviction.

 

She was not evicted, however, as her attorney, Mark Zanides (who happens to be a good friend of mine), drove a few hundred miles to appear in court on her behalf and successfully stopped the eviction.

 

And this past week, Mark won in court again, with the court granting the preliminary injunction… so at this point… Patricia Martin will be remaining in her home as the case proceeds to trial… a jury trial, by the way.  (You can read Patricia’s declaration HERE.)

 

You can call me naïve, but I just can’t believe that even Wells Fargo, the bank that appears committed to being the worst the servicing industry has to offer, wants to do this.

 

Zanides estimates that the bank has spent a significant amount already on legal fees and now is certain to spend a whole lot more.  Patricia Martin’s home is worth no more than $275,000.  How can it be worth it to spend $50,000 or more to take her home, when she wasn’t even late… didn’t want a loan modification… and could have simply continued making her payments… as she has for the last 43 years?

 

How can anyone want this to happen?

 

Memo to Wells Fargo: If you’ll just have someone contact me to explain the reasoning behind this situation, I promise to explain it from your perspective and stop calling your bank disparaging names.

 

But, until then, and absent any information to the contrary, what am I or anyone else to think other than that you are the epitome of the worst sort of corporate citizen… the sort of bank that is not to be trusted… a bank that we should all warn our children about… a bank that should reasonably be despised for its behavior.

 

 

Here’s an in-a-nutshell type recap with quotes from the declarations of those involved:

 

Patricia Martin’s daughter, Nicole Ortega (who lives in the home with her husband and her mother) went into a Wells Fargo branch on September 27, 2010 and asked how much was owed to satisfy the August and September payments.   She then paid the amount that Wells Fargo said she owed, $3238.30, which she thought represented a monthly payment of $1619.15.

 

She didn’t know it for several months, but the amount she was paying was $104.27 short of the required amount.  In her own words, from her declaration

 

“I had previously been told by Wells Fargo Bank’s agents that the bank does not take partial payments.  The fact that the bank took these payments confirmed to me that I had made a full payment.  Had I known that the full payment for September 15 was supposed to be $1723.41, I was ready willing and able to pay it.  In no way would I ever jeopardize our family’s home to save $104.27, that is, the difference between the amount paid and what was apparently the amount owed.”

 

Yes, and we certainly believe you.  In fact, I think it’s safe to say that every single human being with a fully developed adult brain on the planet believes you… okay, except maybe Larry Summers and Ed DeMarco… and the fact that you had to write a declaration stating this fact so that it could be used in court is absolutely emblematic of the insanity American homeowners continue to face today.

 

Roughly five years into the financial and resulting foreclosure crises, and this story, instead of shocking every ear who hears it, is starting to sound like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

 

Wells Fargo’s employee, Michael Dolan, states in his declaration that he is an Operations Analyst in Wells Fargo’s Mortgage Lending Operations, located at 4101 Wiseman Blvd. in San Antonio, Texas.

 

Prior to his current position, he states he was a Vice President in the Portfolio Retention Department at Wachovia Mortgage, FSB, and prior to that he says he was Vice President of Loan Services at World Savings Bank, FSB.  He also mentions that he started at World Savings in 1984, so he was at World and Wachovia for a combined 23 years.  So, I’m going to go ahead and assume that he knows how to read a calendar and mail a letter.

 

Here’s what Patricia Martin’s daughter’s declaration says about a statement made in Mr. Dolan’s declaration

 

“The Dolan declaration states that ‘on or about September 29, 2010, the Bank sent the borrower a letter informing her that the loan was due for September 15, 2010 loan payment, and that $1619.15 had not been applied to the loan because it was not enough to cover the balance due.’  (The letter is marked Exhibit Q.)  I am aware that my mother did receive this letter dated September 29, 2010.  However, we did not receive this letter until early June 2011, when it arrived in an envelope postmarked May 30, 2011.  I have attached this letter and the envelope in which it came.  I remember this letter specifically because it arrived so far after the letter itself was dated.  I thought that was significant, so I saved the envelope in which it arrived.”

 

Now, you see Mr. Michael Dolan… that makes you a lying piece of itinerant trash, because not only did you lie in your declaration, but you also figured you could cover the lie and your worthless ass by sticking a backdated letter in the mail more than eight months later.

 

And why not?

 

I mean, what are the chances that anyone would have kept a certain blue dress around all that time without sending it to the cleaners, right Mikey?

 

 

If this were the first time that Wells Fargo was ever accused of such behavior, I’d have the tendency to say… maybe it was an error.  If it were the second time… okay, what the heck.  But since no one can even count how many similar things Wells has not only been accused of doing, but in fact has been proven to have done… well, there’s no benefit of the doubt due here.  The mere suggestion is utterly laughable.

 

Patricia’s daughter continues in her declaration to state what anyone would have to agree is the obvious.  (You can read the Plaintiff’s Evidentiary Objections to Dolan’s Declaration HERE.)

 

“I did not know the September payment whose amount had been given to me by the bank employee and which had been paid on September 27 had not been credited.  Had I received Exhibit Q in early October, it would have explained what happened and I would have asked how I could pay the remaining balance of $104 or so and made arrangements to pay the late fees.”

 

Yes, that’s right because that’s what ANYONE would have done under the same circumstances.  She continues…

 

“Had I received Exhibit Q, I would not have had to make all of the calls to the bank seeking clarification that I made later on in December when I learned the September payment had not been credited.  Nor would I have needed to write the letter in December seeking explanation of why the September payment had not been credited.”  (Her letter is marked “First Ortega Dec. Exhibit A.”)

 

And again… she is making complete sense.  The question is why is any of this being questioned and who is the imbecile questioning it?  She continues…

 

In early October, I received a letter dated October 5, 2010, stating that the September payment had not been made.  (Marked “Dolan Exhibit R.”)  The letter states that ‘if this payment has already been made, then please disregard this notice.’  Since I knew that I had made the September payment, I disregarded the notice, as the bank’s letter invited the borrower to do.”

 

Yep, that’s what I would have done as well.

 

Okay, look… this tale goes on and on and as it does, it gets worse and worse.

 

The homeowner received another letter late in October saying that the last two payments had not been received, and that the loan was now in default.  Another letter arrived a few days later saying basically the same thing.  Again, the homeowner assumed that the letters were wrong, as in their mind the September payment had definitely been made, so they did the next logical thing… they called Wells Fargo at the number provided on the letters.

 

The homeowner’s daughter told the bank that they were aware that they owed the October and November payments, explaining that her mother, Patricia Martin, had been hospitalized and there were other hardships involved… but that the September payment had been made.

 

They asked the bank if it would be okay to make the October and November payments on December 3, 2010… and Wells Fargo representative stated that by doing so, “you will be fine,” with the exception that the December payment would be due later that month.

 

The Wells agent then said that she would notate the account to that effect.

 

 

During that same call, the Wells Fargo representative uttered the words that would make a bad situation far worse, she suggested that the borrower should apply for a Map2 modification, and then transferred the call to a Ms. Leffert.

 

Patricia Martin’s daughter spoke with Ms. Leffert and gave her some of the information she requested.  She didn’t have all of the information, however, and told Ms. Leffert that she would have to speak with her mother before going further.  Subsequently, she called Ms. Leffert to provide the missing information, and in late November Ms. Leffert stated that “you qualify” and that “you’ll be ahead of the game since the late payments will be added to the modified loan.”

 

And then things got even worse.  A letter dated November 18, 2010, but not received until the end of that month, now said that the note was delinquent and would need to be reinstated by paying $4829.96 by November 30th.  Patricia’s daughter immediately contacted Wells Fargo to find out what was wrong with their system and records, as she had already made arrangements to pay October and November payments on December 3rd.

 

She spoke with a representative named Jason who told her that there were some unapplied funds in the amount of $1619.15 that it looked like something was happening with, also saying that it may be applied to October’s payment.

 

Jason was told that September’s payment had been made, and he said he couldn’t tell her why September was not credited, but he suggested that she wait and let the bank finish whatever they were doing and it would clear things up.

 

Patricia’s daughter then states in her declaration…

 

“Had I been told by the bank’s representative that we were required to make a payment of $4829.96 by November 30 or lose our home, we could and would have done so.”

 

And again, all I can say is… OF COURSE YOU WOULD HAVE.  Your mother has lived in the home for 43 years… good Lord, when did our world lose its common sense and critical thinking skills?

 

So, of course, when she goes into branch on December 3rd to make her two delinquent payments as she had arranged that she would do… the bank won’t accept the payments, as they were due by November 30th.

 

Does everyone realize how many billions in delinquent and defaulted loans Wells Fargo has on its books… to say nothing of the untold billions in worthless garbage that exists off the bank’s balance sheet?  You do, right?

 

And does everyone realize that the President of the United States, the U.S. Attorney General and the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development have all made it abundantly clear that unnecessary foreclosures are to be avoided as they are not in our national interests?

 

So, what possible difference does it make whether a homeowner is paying on November 30th or December 3rd?  Wells Fargo… are you stupid, irrational and incompetent… or are you just plain evil and sadistic?

 

And don’t start blaming anything on “the investor,” Fannie Mae, or the mystery trust that thinks it holds this loan because this beauty of a loan is one of those fabulous pick-a-pay jobs made popular by World Savings, so it’s on you, Wells Fargo, all the way.  And should I even ask who might be responsible for such a loan being sold to a 68 year-old widow?

 

I’ve never been a great speller, so maybe someone at the bank could help me out here… how many “Wells” are there in “predatory shithead?”

 

By January Wells Fargo says they won’t fix it, won’t accept payments, and months later when loan modification is denied, house goes to foreclosure sale and is taken back by the bank.

 

The modification, by the way, is denied months later because Wells Fargo says they won’t consider Patricia’s son-in-law’s income.  He lives in the house with his wife… her daughter… ever since Patricia, whose husband passed on a few years ago, started having some serious medical problems.  Oh, and he’s a police officer… a sergeant on the local police force… someone who protects and serves his community.

 

Writing this article, I had to wonder… on how many other occasions has Wells Fargo improperly credited amounts paid by borrowers?  Luckily, I didn’t have to wonder for very long, as I remembered the article I wrote a little over a week ago about a case in Louisiana involving Wells Fargo and in front of Federal Bankruptcy Court Judge Elizabeth Magner.  If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend that you do.

 

In Judge Magner’s own words, after describing Wells Fargo’s behavior as being, “highly reprehensible,” she went on to say…

 

“Wells Fargo has taken advantage of borrowers who rely on it to accurately apply payments and calculate the amounts owed, but perhaps more disturbing is Wells Fargo’s refusal to voluntarily correct its errors.  It prefers to rely on the ignorance of borrowers or their inability to fund a challenge to its demands, rather than voluntarily relinquish gains obtained through improper accounting methods.”

 

So, is what has happened to Patricia Martin yet another example of Wells Fargo’s systemic misapplication of funds in order to repossess homes?

 

I would imagine that Wells Fargo would answer “No,” to that question.

 

So, fine… then you’d have me believe what?  That it’s a fluke?  An aberration?  Some sort of inexplicable, unfortunate deviation from the norm perhaps?

 

HORSE PUCKY.

 

For all of you legal eagle types… You can read Wells Fargo’s Opposition to the Preliminary Injunction HERE, Wells Fargo’s Appendix to Opposition to Preliminary Injunction HERE, and the Plaintiff’s Reply to Wells Fargo’s Objection to Preliminary Injunction HERE.

 

Mandelman out.

 

 

HEY DOERS… Looking for Something to DO?

 

Wells Fargo’s CEO, John Stumpf “earned” $19.8 million last year, according to the Wall Street Journal and documents filed with the SEC in March of this year.

 

If you’d like to congratulate him, you can try reaching him by email:

john.g.stumpf@wellsfargo.com

Or, by phone: (415) 396-7018 or (866) 878-5865

Or, if you want to have some fun, since I know this physical address is correct, why not grab an envelope, buy a stamp and reach out to him via regular mail.  For extra smiles, consider throwing old keys in with your letter, or I’ve always enjoyed tossing a small handful of sunflower seeds in before sealing…

John G. Stumpf

Chief Executive Officer

Wells Fargo Bank

420 Montgomery St.

San Francisco, CA 94163

### 

 

You’ll also be happy to hear that Wells has just launched its new business unit, Abbot Downing, which is dedicated to caring for the wealth of the super rich… its clients have more than $50 million in investable assets.  Only recently launched, Abbot has already recruited about $33 billion in investable assets under management.  So, very well done there.  (And I heard that one of their clients holds the patent on the color “blue.”)

 

 

Apr
30

An Important Message about 2012 for both President Obama & Mitt Romney

 

I realize you’re both very busy and were it not important, I would not presume to take up any of your time, or the time of your advisers, but it has long since become clear that neither of your campaigns understands several of the key dynamics that will have a major impact on which one of you wins in November of 2012.

 

The dynamics I’m referring to have to do with the foreclosure crisis, a topic which, for a variety of reasons, some shared and others divergent, neither of you wants to talk much about, but it is the topic that will continue to destabilize either of your chances to win the upcoming election.

 

That this is the case, should not be hard to accept… in 2012, the road to the White House runs directly through the states hardest hit by the foreclosure crisis, most notably Ohio and Florida, but also Michigan, Nevada, and North Carolina, et al.  For the Obama campaign, I would say that this issue alone would normally be enough to cost you the election, but as luck would have it, you’re the frying pan running against the fire.

 

In 2008, the Obama campaign won the election by roughly eight million votes.  By this coming November, we will have lost roughly that same number of homes to foreclosure.  If you assume two voters per household, then there are 16 million that don’t want to vote for you.  I didn’t say they wouldn’t vote for you, the alternative being voting for fire, but rest assured, they don’t want to vote for you.

 

There are another four million plus in foreclosure or seriously delinquent today, so at two per household, that’s another eight million, bringing the total to 24 million.  And forecasts by Amherst Securities show 9.5 million foreclosures coming soon to a neighborhood near you, so soon enough there will be about the same number of people directly affected by foreclosure than voted in the presidential election in 2008.

 

 

The point is that the number of Americans seriously harmed by the mishandling of the foreclosure crisis are now more than enough to sway a national election.

 

These people are not merely upset about losing a home to foreclosure, they are enraged over having been misled, deceived and entirely abandoned, as the Obama administration ultimately stood by and did essentially nothing while their servicer tortured them as they lost their homes to foreclosure.

 

And, I can assure you that my description is not hyperbole to those in this unfortunate group.  In fact, many would call it understatement.

 

It’s interesting to realize that neither of you wants to bring up the situation related to housing and foreclosures in your campaigning.  I say that because, although it’s easy to see why the Obama campaign would avoid the topic, but one would think that the Romney campaign would be exploiting such an obvious weakness of the opposition to garner support.  And yet, the Romney campaign doesn’t want to talk about housing and foreclosures any more than the Obama campaign does.

 

In fact, Mr. Romney, this past year while campaigning in Nevada of all places, quite shockingly, you decided to answer a question about foreclosures by saying that what’s needed is a faster foreclosure process… in Nevada… a faster foreclosure process.

 

Basically, after being asked the only question certain to have tens of thousands of Nevada voters paying close attention, your response gave the Obama Administration credit for programs that successfully delayed or prevented some significant number of foreclosures in a state that’s been devastated by foreclosures more so than any other.

 

For a moment, all I could think was that you were trying to help Obama win Nevada in 2012, but I’ve since realized that its far more likely that you were caught off guard and didn’t know what else to say at that moment, because since then you’ve adopted the Obama campaign’s approach to the issue: Pretend it doesn’t exist.

 

I’m quite sure both of your campaigns have people monitoring the Internet, so you must know how ridiculous the absence of any meaningful discussion on foreclosures appears to millions of voters.  Therefore, it must be that you’re both so deathly afraid of the Tea Partiers and Rick Santelli that your campaign managers figure mums the word is your only viable option.

 

Well, since I see no other explanation for your mutual silence on the subject, I thought I’d offer both of you some insight and advice about your respective 2012 campaigns.  I may not know enough to be President of the United States, but I know the people of the foreclosure crisis as well as anyone could… to use the hip vernacular of a few years back… they’re my peeps.

 

First, to President Obama:

 

Okay, I understand you’ll probably win staying silent on the issue.

 

For one thing, Mitt Romney isn’t likely to mention the subject of foreclosures either, and if he does, it’s fairly likely that he’ll say something stupid, as he did in Nevada.

 

Secondly, your campaign strategists probably figure that by next fall, if asked, you’ll be able to tout your administration accomplishments related to housing and foreclosures, which, however inadequate they may be, are still heads and shoulders better than anything the GOP has suggested since 2008.  So, as I said, you’ll be running on the premise that people will vote frying pan when the alternative is fire.

 

Thirdly, I’m sure your people have realized that a significant number of the independents you’ve lost AND many of the Republicans who are disgusted with the economic situation have moved into the Ron Paul camp, which may very well give the Paul campaign a double digit election outcome, and lock in a loss for Romney in a replay of Clinton-Bush-Perot, 1992.  (Clinton-43%, Bush-37.5%, Perot-18.9%.)

 

Lastly, it’s no secret that the Republicans in both the House and Senate, since day one of your presidency, have been practicing a bizarre sort of obstructionist politics, voting in unison against anything you’ve proposed, as our nation-on-fire has continued to burn, economically speaking.

 

In fact, the only thing you’ve done that Republicans have not opposed was the pumping of untold trillions into TBTF financial institutions.  To everything else, they’ve very clearly said “NO,” and bringing up this track record will make it near impossible for anyone concerned about foreclosures to vote for anyone on that side of the aisle.

 

It all makes sense, and could be right… but you’ll be biting your nails right into the wee hours of election night, because you’ll remember what happened in the 2010 mid-terms when far too many voting Democrats, furious with you for letting them down, closed the curtains in their voting booths and chose Republican candidates out of spite.

 

If you want to ensure your second term, stop listening to Tim Geithner’s Moral Hazard Band, and anyone who’s ever met Larry Summers, and follow your instincts.

 

 

I know you have them because I heard you talking about how you and Michelle only paid off your student loans less than a decade ago.  I also heard your speech announcing the settlement between state attorneys general and the five largest mortgage servicers, and you said we need to do more to help Americans losing homes due to no fault of their own… and how we “have each others’ backs” in this country.

 

Those were smart things to say, but stopping there won’t carry you to November, you need to seal the deal and start telling the American people the truth… that we need to stop pretending that 20 million Americans all became irresponsible at the same time, buying homes they couldn’t afford, blah, blah, blah.

 

Our financial crisis and economic downturn took out all the investment banks on Wall Street, caused over a thousand smaller banks to become insolvent so far, crippled small and large businesses alike leading to unemployment that will take a decade to improve if we’re lucky, and threw the EU into financial chaos that may still bring an end to the union and its currency.  That’s the truth, so stop pandering to the Tea Party types, they’re short on facts, long on crazy… and won’t be voting for you in 2012 anyway.

 

What the American people want is an economy that doesn’t feel like the United States of Quicksand.  Surely by now you’ve started to suspect that you could double down on pumping money into the banks over the next four years and still no recovery would come.

 

How many quantitative easings do we need to try before we diversify our approach to include America’s middle class… QE-1 didn’t do it… QE-2 didn’t either… and don’t even get me started on the “operation twist” nonsense, which is Bernanke’s only idea to spark consumption by getting credit flowing to consumers.  Should we wait until we’ve tried QE-7… QE-12… QE-18… should we try “twisting” the decade away?

 

Surely you can see that the desired results of these programs haven’t occurred yet, and even if you want to think they will someday, isn’t it time to add a few other strategies to the mix?  Interest rates are simply not the problem, Mr. President, they’re low and they’ve been low… so what and who cares?

 

Remember last June, Mr. President?  It was Bernanke’s second post-FOMC press conference.  The Fed Chief admitted that he had no idea what was causing the economy’s so-called “soft patch,” he only knew that it would persist.  The FOMC statement blamed everything outside the United States… something about Japan along with rising food and oil prices.  He was humble, candid, and relieved that QE 1&2 had reduced the threat of deflation for the moment anyway.  But as to what wasn’t happening in our economy, he didn’t have a clue.

 

 

And yet, you’re doing nothing but bemoaning the fact that Republicans won’t pass your jobs bill even on a stand-alone basis, and following the Fed Chief’s admitted unknowing lead?

 

Our housing market is either double or triple dipping, whichever you’d prefer, but recovering?  Not even close.  Truth be told, it’s been in the same downward slide for almost six years, with slight interruptions caused by a fleeting combination of hype, tax incentives and the transformation of the FHA into the new sub-prime, which is now reporting defaults approaching 20 percent on loans made SINCE 2009.

 

I understand that American consumers are being forced to deleverage, just as the banks will have to do soon.  I understand that the credit markets are broken for the foreseeable future and that there’s nothing you can do about that.  And I understand that Europe’s economy will ultimately come crashing down into ours, causing all sorts of pain and anguish from coast-to-coast.  These things we should hold as being self-evident.

 

But, if you allow the housing markets to continue to fall, and foreclosures to continue to rise, you will be setting our country up to be hit hard while it’s too far down, and there will be no recovering from such a blow at such a time.  Your legacy will be such that you’ll wish Mitt Romney had won in 2012.

 

You’ve got the opening, or will certainly have it very soon… everything is getting worse, and it won’t be long before the Bureau of Economic Analysis will be reluctantly announcing the “R” word once again.  At that point you can reinvent yourself… and do it differently this time… the way you wanted to last time.

 

Be the man of the people… inspire hope and deliver change.  The only real moral hazards you have to worry about are named Geithner and DeMarco.

 

Take them out, save the economic day, and go down in history a hero.  This time do more than anyone says is needed… remind everyone of their obvious propensity for underdoing everything… and if it’s the Republicans that cause you to fail, then let us see you go down fighting.

 

Now, to presumed GOP candidate, Mitt Romney…

 

Okay, so I realize that you’re not the right-wing nutcase you pretended to be during the primaries… fair enough.  And I also realize that you’ll try to move to the center, without alienating the crazy factor that considers itself the GOP’s base.

 

But, if you’re banking, pun intended, on Reagan-esque lofty speeches and loudly criticizing the Obama Administration’s first term over things like spending and health care, your creating a situation in which your shot at winning the election in 2012 will depend purely on the vote-against-Obama-turnout… assuming that no one in Florida or Ohio brings up foreclosures, that is.

 

In other words, you could be anyone running… you’re doing essentially nothing to help yourself win.  Election night will be something like watching the results of a poll come in where the choices were “Anonymous Republican v. Obama.” 

 

If you don’t accept that, just consider the two clowns you just beat in the primaries.  Santorum, who described condoms as a “grievous moral wrong,” and said that “huge moral failings” were causing our economic problems… and good old Newt Gingrich, who attempted to make a serious case for repealing child labor laws in order to put 9 year olds from poor families to work cleaning schools after school… oh, and who promised a “moon base by 2020.”  And those two were the GOP’s saner candidates… the even crazier contenders left the stage earlier.

 

 

Oh yeah… and then there’s Mitt… the former Governor of Massachusetts and a Republican centrist with a JD/MBA from Harvard who was the first in the nation to reform health care into something near-universal in his home state… who turned around Bain & Company as its CEO, who led the committee that made the 2002 Winter Olympics a financial success… and whose father who was CEO of American Motors, Governor of Michigan, and U.S. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

 

Mr. Romney, you managed to beat out a perennial alter boy obsessed with anything of a sexual nature, and an ex-Speaker of the House who was forced by his own party to resign after countless ethics violations, including misleading the House Ethics Committee and ultimately earning the distinction of being the first Speaker to be disciplined, (the vote was 395 to 28), for an ethics violation including being fined $300,000.

 

Okay, so congratulations… I suppose.

 

So, your advisors are obviously telling you that slamming Obama is the ticket to the Oval Office, and largely because the president has failed to mitigate the damage being caused by the foreclosure crisis, they could be right… but probably aren’t.

 

Exclusively slamming Obama in order to win in 2012 would be a strategy much more likely succeed if, in addition to ignoring foreclosures as an issue, you didn’t also have to run on a GOP-friendly platform that favors cutting such things as food stamps, child tax credits and Social Service Block Grants, while carrying states like Florida and Ohio that continue to be destroyed by the economic collapse and specifically the foreclosure crisis.

 

In other words, you’ll be trying to win a national election on a platform that only the one percent… or others in the insensitive class… could love.

 

Social Services Block Grant (SSBG) funds enable States to provide things like daycare for children or adults, protective services for children or adults, special services to persons with disabilities, health-related services, foster care for children, substance abuse, housing, home-delivered meals… you know… luxuries.

 

Oh, and what are you worth, by the way… a quarter of a billion and change?  And you’re going to cut food stamps?  Screw the working poor and long-term unemployed?  You’ll redefine “fat cat” and make Herbert Hoover look like FDR in your first 100 days in office if you do what the Republicans expect you to do.

 

 

We’ve got 46.4 million people on food stamps in this country.  One in four children are eating based on food stamps right now in any given month.  The average monthly benefit comes out to be about $8 per household, per day… roughly $2.67 per day for food assuming a three person household.  That’s the program that House Budget Committee Chairman, Republican Paul Ryan wants to cut, calling it a “comfortable hammock” instead of a “safety net.”

 

(By the way, Ryan and his Republican cohorts have helped me as a writer by providing me with a much better understanding of when it’s most appropriate to use the word “asshole,” and for that I suppose I should thank them.)

 

In Florida alone, there are 3.29 million people on food stamps as of this year, a number that’s doubled since 2008, although the dollar value of the benefits has nearly tripled to $5.15 billion as more families have been forced to seek assistance from the program.  Under the Republican budget proposal, estimates show that 234,000 Florida households will lose their food stamps benefit

 

So, you’re basically planning on winning Florida by ignoring foreclosures, reducing the availability of food, and saying how bad Obama has been?  It’s possible, I guess… but I’d stop way short of considering it a sure thing, that’s for sure.

 

I also have to say that running this way is insane, because even if you somehow pulled it off and won, you’d spend the next four years either doing the GOP’s bidding while watching civil unrest be redefined American style, or you’d resist such asinine policies and soon find yourself abandoned by your own party, shunned by Wall Street, branded a liberal… and all but certain to be back home in four years.

 

You look pretty darn good for your age now, but under those conditions, you’d start your presidency looking like Michael Douglas and head back home four years later looking like Kirk Douglas.

 

Mr. Romney, I don’t believe you’re not a smart guy… you have to be a smart guy.  So, can you honestly tell me that tax cuts for business and the recently branded “job creators,” combined with reduced government spending is anything but sheer idiocy during times like these?

 

You must know that American companies have oodles of cash and Treasury securities in their coffers, but no one is going to invest and expand when there is no demand for what they’d produce.  American consumers both can’t and won’t spend more than they are today… and consumer spending today is anemic compared to what it was in let’s say 2005.

 

American consumers have seen their access to credit slashed and their home equity stripped to essentially nothing.  And, as if that weren’t enough, inflation and higher oil and food prices are sure to wipe out what little discretionary spending has survived the collapse.

 

Our first quarter GDP number should say it all, not only because at 2.2 percent it came in below expectations, but also because had it been calculated using the Consumer Price Index, instead of whatever B.S. number was used, the actual GDP was ZERO.  Yes, indeed… now that’s what I call a recovery, right Mitt?

 

 

Here’s the deal… if you want to win the presidential election this fall, you need to stop pretending foreclosures are helping someone, because clearly they are not, and as long as you have nothing to say on the subject, you might as well stop concerning yourself with figuring out how many ways you can call Obama a socialist, because he may be the frying pan, but you’ll be the fire.

 

What you really need to do is figure out how to become the transformational leader that leads his party to success, instead of one who allows his party’s offensive ideologies to drag our nation further towards utter ruin.

 

President Obama has already taken care of those at the top.  If you want to ensure a victory for the Romney campaign this November, you need to start at the bottom.

 

That’s all I have to say about that…

 

Okay, that’s all I wanted to say.  I’m pretty darn sure that you’ll both ignore what I’ve said and proceed with your what-you-ignore-can’t-hurt-you strategy.  So, good luck this summer on the campaign trail.

 

And, Mr. President… we all know that four years ago you were dealt the lousiest of hands, but once your second term begins… know that it’s all on you, sir.

 

Mandelman out.

Apr
29

30 Minutes of Talking: Has Housing or Our GDP Hit Bottom?

MINUTES OF TALKING

(I understand that last week’s edition of 30 MINUTES OF TALKING had a few audio problems.  I apologize for that, and they should be all fixed for this week’s show.  I hope you’ll give it another try… it’s getting better all the time.)

Has the Housing Market Hit Bottom?  

Or, was that our GDP that just sunk to nothing?

This week on 30 MINUTES OF TALKING I’m looking at the contradictions that are being thrown at us almost every day now… this past week it was the housing market that hit bottom, according to quite a few.  But did it?  The Case Schiller Index certainly doesn’t think so.

I’ll also be looking at the indications that tell us that we’re headed for another official recession, just like Spain, and the rest of Europe.  GDP came in a little light, if you use their nonsense numbers… but in real life… our GDP was ZERO.

And I call homeowners all over the country to ask them to help our Fed Chief Ben Bernanke with his puzzling questions about unemployment and what to do about it.  As it turns out, Ben is just not speaking our language.

And that’s not all… so, click play below and get ready to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth on 30 MINUTES OF TALKING FOR APRIL 28, 2012.

 

Mandelman out.

Apr
23

We know they’re not evil, because they’re simply not smart enough to be evil.

 

In Hollywood movies, we’ve been introduced to villains that have real game.  In the Harry Potter films, for example, there’s “Voldermort… The Dark Lord… He Who Shoud Not Be Named.”  In the movie, “Star Wars,” we were introduced to the infamous and intergalactic, “Darth Vader.”  And few will ever forget “Dr. Hannibal Lecture,” telling Clarice that he was “having an old friend over for dinner,” in “The Silence of the Lambs.”

 

Most everyone, I would think, has at one time or another, seen a “James Bond” movie, maybe it was “Goldfinger,” a story with a villain whose elaborate plan to use nerve gas to rob Fort Knox and ultimately steal the world’s gold, was first released in 1964.  Or perhaps it was, “Live and Let Die,” in which a villain attempts to hatch an ingenious scheme to addict the world’s population to heroin, after seizing control of the drug’s world-wide production and distribution.

 

In real life, we’ve never had to worry about such evil actually destroying our world, because throughout our collective history, we’ve never seen a villain show up with that kind of game.

 

Adolf Hitler was looking somewhat promising for a few years during the 1930s, but after the Battle of Stalingrad ended in a disaster for the German troops in the early part of 1943, he was little more than a screaming lunatic with bad hair and genocidal tendencies.  We’ve had our share of “empires” that for a time, appeared capable of dominating our planet, but regardless of whether we’re talking Roman, Ottoman or British… they all ultimately fell like flan.

 

And, although I realize that at the moment, we’re very concerned about our TBTF financial institutions having the power to destroy our nation forever, it occurs to me that it’s probably not the case, even if it does seem like it at certain moments.  As far as our corporate dynasties go, if history is any sort of guide, they’ve proven to have shorter lifespans that some MLB player careers.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all happy about how our government seems set on providing us with tangible evidence of its ineffectiveness on at least a monthly basis.  But, it does remind me that it’s at least reasonably likely that the TBTF problem will be overwhelmed by the general incompetence of man, long before it destroys our world or way of life.

 

Like, it’s not at all inconceivable that five years from now we could be laughing at how we were so worried about Goldman Sachs… before the investment-bank-turned-bank-holding-company in 2008, quietly filed for bankruptcy in 2015.  Remember Lloyd Blankfein, someone would say? And someone else would reply, “Was he the bald one?”

 

I can remember when the Vietnam War was never going to end… and then it did.  I can recall a time when drugs were sure to be on the verge of destroying our country’s youth, and then they didn’t.  Without an Equal Rights Amendment we would never survive as a great nation, or maybe we would.  Our hostages would all die in Iran, unless they wouldn’t.  And the crash of ’87, which soon morphed into the S&L crisis, was reported so severely at the time, that I never even questioned but that it would be my grandchildren that would be worrying about paying its astronomical bill… until that wasn’t the case anymore.

 

 

After that, the Internet was going to change absolutely everything… even replacing our old economy with a “new one,” or not.   AOL bought Time Warner… for a year.  And Enron was the corporate Titanic, that along with Tyco, HealthSouth, Adelphia, WorldCom, Arthur Andersen and a myriad of others, had led us to Sarbanes Oxley, a bill that was sure to signal the end of American business… until it didn’t.

 

Years ago, the Sears Catalog was a permanent institution in this country, and so was the airline, TWA… and bicycle maker, Schwinn… or camera-maker, Polaroid… and we bought albums, 8-tracks and CDs, but always at Tower Records.  And yet they’re all gone today.

 

Remember when we might not survive Y2K, and when the president said he didn’t have sexual relations with that woman, and when Larry Craig said he had a wide stance, and when we knew there were weapons of mass destruction… even though we didn’t know for sure, but it didn’t matter because that’s not why we went into Iraq anyway, and besides al-Qaeda had cells around the world that would end our lives soon enough anyway?

 

Remember when Wall Street had investment banks on it, and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac stood for fairness?  When membership had its privileges, when the Catholic Church and Penn State were both safe places for boys to be, when you could press five to increase your credit limit and there were things called usury laws that made charging more than a certain amount of interest illegal?

 

I still remember when there was an impenetrable Iron curtain across Europe, and on its other side lived the people who wanted to kill us with their collective thinking.  They’re gone now, replaced by a smaller, nuttier guy in a Members Only jacket that makes him much harder to fear.

 

I can remember when none of those things were thought of as fleeting… like the blips on an ever-changing landscape that time would flip, shake and erase like an Etch-a-Sketch whenever we turned our backs to enjoy a moment.

 

 

The Worst Economic Crisis Since the Great Depression…

 

We are now six years since the end of a real estate boom that was only around for some four years anyway, and we’re going on four years since Hank Paulson said that he needed $700 billion in unmarked small bills by morning or our gig would be up.

 

Since then, we’ve all watched as Secretary Geithner… his trusted ward, Lawrence of Summers, and the Professor sans MaryAnn, all ran about shoveling trillions around Wall Street, while engaging in crazy tea party inspired chatter about how, as far as U.S. homeowners were concerned, there was too much “moral hazard” involved to consider offering them any real help.

 

Obviously, their thinking was that by bailing out the deadbeats who borrowed the money for houses that they had now lost trillions on, collectively speaking, they would rush out and do the same thing again thinking they’d be bailed out again.  And don’t laugh… that’s pretty much what they thought… and still think for that matter.
So, the announcement went out across the land in so many words.  For America’s homeowners… the beatings would continue.   And so they have.

 

The Rich Getting Richer…

 

About a week ago, a study showed that 93 percent of the gains since President Obama took office went to the top one percent.

 

By anyone’s standards, that statistic is alarming… no one can be in favor of that continuing, not even the top one percent.  It’s not like it’s debatable to say that enormous income disparity between rich and poor is a problem in any society.

 

The question, I suppose, is whether all that’s occurred since 2007 has been part of some nefarious plot perpetrated by evil villains that might have starred in a James Bond movie, or whether the guys in charge have simply been wrong… you know, handled things badly.

 

Well, I think the picture is becoming ever clearer that what we have are over-confident leaders who think certain things based on what they’ve been taught and learned in the past… but they’re wrong.  What they view as precedent isn’t applicable to the economic situation we’re facing today.

 

It’s not like the administration wouldn’t have preferred to have created more jobs and stopped more foreclosures, right?

 

 

To those in charge it’s a duck because it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and talks like a duck… but it isn’t a duck…  it’s a goose, and a flightless one at that.  In the parlance of business books, it’s a “black swan.”

 

The Geithner/Summers/Bernanke clan believed (and continue to delude themselves into believing) that by pumping trillions into the financial system and into the TBTF banks, two things would result:

 

  1. The banking system would stabilize.
  2. The economy would start to grow again, as measured by GDP.

 

The funny thing is… and by funny I mean inconceivably sad… that you could argue that neither outcome materialized, or you could say that the first objective was achieved, in an accounting-rules-don’t-matter sort of way.  But, no one could argue that the second goal was reached in the least.

 

Basically, Geithner and Bernanke thought that lowering rates pumping liquidity into the financial system would stimulate growth because it has in the past.  They sacrificed homeowners thinking that once the financial system was stable again, the rest of the economy would be pulled out by the health of the financial system.

 

So, here we are… the growth they counted on failed to materialize, as I’m sure they would phrase it, but of course what truly failed to materialize were their critical thinking skills because there was no chance that their plan was going to work in terms of creating real growth.

 

It’s simple really.

 

There are fewer of us working, so we’re producing less and therefore we’re earning less… and so we’re spending less.  And that means we’re paying less in taxes to both state and federal coffers, which means the states are spending less, and lower state spending means reduced GDP… do you see the dynamic at work here?

 

Take a quick peek at what’s happening in Spain today and you’ll see clearly the fallacious nature of banker-think.

 

Unemployment in Spain is now 25 percent… among the country’s youth, it’s 50 percent, but the European banks to which Spain owes money are demanding that Spain reduce its deficit spending by 5.5 percent over the next two years.  Now guess why.

 

They want Spain to do that so that the country will have enough money to make its payments to the bankers of course.

 

But, you might ask… if Spain reduces its GDP by 5.5 percent over the next two years, which is the same as reducing its spending by 5.5 percent, won’t that cause unemployment to rise even higher?

 

Well, of course it will… and very well done there indeed.

 

And if the country’s unemployment goes even higher, won’t that reduce the country’s GDP, as fewer people will be working, and won’t that also reduce the revenues that go into the country’s coffers?

 

Yes, that’s right again!

 

But, won’t fewer people working result in property values falling even further causing  more people to go underwater and into foreclosure driven by fewer able or ready to buy homes?

 

Very good, right yet again.  This is so exciting…

 

And if property values fall, and more people default, won’t that cause further harm to the Spanish banks that made the loans that are increasingly defaulting?

 

Yes, yes, yes… keep going…

 

Well, the more the Spanish banks lose as a result of property values falling, and while unemployment rises, the less credit the banks will provide, and won’t that also reduce GDP even further?

 

I think you’ve got it… now bring it all home for me…

 

… and won’t all of that combined actually reduce the amounts that Spain will have to make payments to the central and EU bankers who are the ones demanding the 5.5 percent reduction in government spending in the first place?

 

Thank you, Lord!  Why yes, I would have to say that would be the case. 

Do you see ANY OTHER OUTCOME  that was POSSIBLE?

 

Please… take your time… the answer is NO, NO, NO.

 

So, why are the EU bankers doing this?  Isn’t it stupid?

 

Yep.  It’s stupid.

 

So, why are they doing it?  Are they evil?  Do they have a nefarious plan?

 

No, it’s just stupid.  But the EU bankers are just like Geithner, Summers and Bernanke, they are forecasting Spain to have GDP growth this coming year because they are being bailed out.

 

But the bailout funds are only to repay the EU bankers that are lending them in the first place.

 

That’s correct.

 

So, how can Spain grow its GDP as bankers are forecasting they will?

 

We already covered this point… THEY CAN’T… and wont.

 

And we’re doing the same thing here at home, the only difference being we can print money… or rather the Federal Reserve can… and then it can lend it to us and charge us interest, albeit a small amount of interest… it’s still interest.

 

That printing and lending to the U.S. government machine is what gets called “quantitative easing,” or a “twist,” or whatever new not-in-the-Scrabble-dictionary type word they come up with next.  It has a tendency to prop up the stock market, which is why the rich are getting richer as the rest of us die on the proverbial vine.

 

And just like the EU bankers, Geithner and Bernanke are forecasting GDP growth once again for the U.S. but once again none of us will feel it because we’re not rich and making trillions as the stock market remains artificially propped up by the Fed’s money creation and lending scheme.

 

The best part is that, all the while, foreclosures will accelerate and continue unabated… actually much faster than before, now that the banks have their settlement and to large degree can’t be prosecuted for their foreclosure related improprieties… not that such prosecutions were going on anyway.

 

The European bankers are no different than is the FHFA, which is led by Ed DeMarco, the guy stopping Fannie and Freddie from reducing principal balances of mortgages.  He says he won’t do it because his job is to return Fannie and Freddie to profitability, and all that means is that in his forecasts… even if principal is not reduced… we’ll all still pay off the debts, or at least enough of us will that it’s not worth writing down the amounts owed.

 

Translation: He’s forecasting growth in future years, just as the European bankers are for Spain and elsewhere.  He’s wrong, and so are they.  He won’t share his assumptions used in his forecasts, but if he was forecasting that more and more will default if principals aren’t reduced, then he’d be concluding that they should be.

 

So, you might ask… what should we do? 

 

Well, for one thing, I’d suggest yelling out: “Look out below!  We’re coming down… and coming down fast,” in order to avoid hurting those below us on the economic ladder… you know, the poorer people.

 

It’s not that they can actually do anything to get out of the way, so they’ll still get crushed by our fall, but I still think it’s rude not to yell. “Look out below!”

 

But, that wasn’t my point…

 

What I wanted to say is that we shouldn’t despair.  We should keep up and even intensify the fight because if you understood what’s going on, then one thing should be clear…

 

They’re not evil… they’re wrong.  And we can know they’re not evil, because they’re simply not smart enough to be evil.

 

Mandelman out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apr
22

Thinking Out Loud… Über-Trendy Rich New Yorkers & Ethiopian Cuisine

 

Manhattan is where the trendy chic food trends begin, for the most part, right?  It has always seemed that way to me anyway, although I think LA may be able to take most of the credit for strip mall sushi, and Mexican fare.

 

Every time I’m in NYC, it seems that someone always suggests dining at some new kind of restaurant that until that moment, I didn’t really know existed.  It’s always good in some ways, but it’s never the kind of food of which anyone takes large bites, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out for spaghetti and meatballs after dinner and goodnight.

 

I was in the city on business some years ago, dining with the CEO of an international conglomerate type of company who had wanted to dine at what looked to be a Chinese restaurant, but was supposedly representative of some far out province near the Mongolian border where yak was a delicacy, or whatever.

 

I’ll never forget it because he ordered the unbelievably expensive Bird Nest Soup for the table… if memory serves it was about $600 for maybe eight of us… and I am not making this up, you can ask someone else or look it up online.  As I was blowing on a spoonful wondering how I was going to get out of this gracefully… he leaned over to tell me what a delicacy it was because, he said in a hushed tone, it was made with “real bird spit.”

 

“WHAT?”  Unexpectedly taken aback for a moment, I had inadvertently blurted it out much louder than I would have liked.  Not really noticing my reaction in any detail, he only repeated himself.

 

“Oh,” I said.  “Real bird s-p-i-t… got it…wow, that is amazing.  I thought you said… “

 

Spoon in hand, he had returned to focus on the contents of the ornate blue and white lacquered soup bowl in front of him.  “Never mind,” I mumbled almost to myself.

 

Real bird spit, while considerably more palatable than its misheard alternative, was still not doing much for me.  I remembered that I once had pretty much gagged on a spoonful of egg-drop soup that my daughter ordered and insisted that I try.  And I figured that if I didn’t like egg in my soup, it seemed unlikely that I would end having a taste for a soup made from the nest in which the egg could have been laid.

 

 

And besides… REAL bird spit?  As opposed to what, perhaps?  Was there a company manufacturing fake bird spit and passing it off in cans as being the real thing to chefs in Mongolia?  That was only my first thought on the subject.  My second thought was that, although I detested that stuff referred to as imitation crabmeat, it was quite possible that bird spit would prove to be one of the few things in the world that given the choice, I’d probably just as soon opt for the fake one.

 

I peered into my spoon’s contents noticing the soup’s undeniable spit-like texture, and then as I watched him slurp it down like it was Campbell’s Chicken Noodle, I pretended it was still a bit too hot and returned my spoon to the bowl.  Recognizing that a diversion was going to be needed, I simply waited a minute before knocking my water glass over and in the flurry of apologies and confusion, fed my bird’s nest soup to the oriental carpet.  “Mmmm…” I said a few minutes later.  Delicious,” and thankfully no was the wiser.

 

But, it was far too close a call and I made a mental note to do more to avoid getting pinned down in such dicey dining situations.  I had learned this lesson before too… people with the means to eat absolutely anything are often drawn to really primitive peasant food and you have to watch them carefully or you could end up having to make a run for the relative privacy of a restaurant’s back alley in order to heave beyond the purview of the other guests.

 

I was in Helsinki some years ago for a couple of weeks and in case you get the chance to visit Finland… my knee-jerk response would be to yell out… No, don’t do it!

 

For one thing it never gets dark there so you can have the front desk book your tee time at midnight.  But trust me on this, golf is frustrating enough during the hours in which it’s normally played.  No one needs to be teeing off straight into the wind on a narrow 200-yard Par 3 with water on both sides at 3:15 AM, especially right after some 6’6” chick with blond hair and unusually muscular forearms named Maijuska, just opened your seventh beer at the turn.

 

For another, never attempt to spend time in a country where they have street names that make use of the letter ‘N’ five times, three of which being consecutive.  Just try finding “Uudenmaankatu Ullanlinna,” after a couple shots of vodka at the hotel bar.  Actually, it’s not that hard… it’s just past the intersection of Hietassaarenkuja and Porvoonk and if you hit Teollisuuskatu, you’ve gone too far.  If you rent a car, you’re all but certain to be killed in a rear end collision as you attempt to decipher enough of the data involved in the decision of turning one way or the other.

 

I was there at a conference of the World Health Organization, my father’s doing, not mine, and so we were attending these hoity dinners at which I can only assume the academics and government officials had simply eaten everything the world had to offer and so were being fed things that the rest of us would likely view as “experimental” before we’d identify with it as food we might want to eat.

 

I remember breakfast vividly, for the most part, it was always a herring buffet… all different kinds of herring prepared in every conceivable way, although some of which I’m certain I would never have been able to conceive.  And if you’re thinking that the problem was that herring alone isn’t all that filling, don’t worry… that was not the problem, and it was all the herring you could eat.

 

With that as breakfast fare, it was barely a surprise to find out that these world-renowned intellectuals with means eat porridge for dinner, but we’re not talking about Cream of Wheat with brown sugar, in this porridge there was invariably either reindeer or blood sausage involved.

 

 

I’d offer to describe its taste, but for 10 straight days, I consumed only two foods and one drink: 1. Boxes of what appeared to be the Finnish equivalent of Lorna Doones.  2. Very large bowls of Beluga and Osetra caviar on toast points with a squeeze of lemon and chased by innumerable ice-cold shots of Finnish vodka.

 

After that, while traveling in the Baltic, First Class on a cruise ship headed for St. Petersburg, I quickly discovered that I was unable to come within six feet of a huge vat sitting right in the middle of the breakfast buffet table every morning.  I was told that it contained oatmeal, but I knew they were lying because although I will readily concede that “oatmeal” can spoil… it doesn’t die.  And there was no question in my mind that whatever was now inside that giant vat, it had not walked among living creatures for many years.

 

So, you’d think that I’d have learned my lesson after all these years, but the last time I was in Manhattan someone said, “Hey, let’s go have Ethiopian food,” and inexplicably, I replied saying, “Okay, sounds good.”  I heard myself say it… wanted to take it back, but it was too late, my host was already into telling me how much I was sure to love it.

 

Ethiopian food?  Really?  To my ears, it sounded like “jumbo shrimp.”  I thought food in Ethiopia was at least somewhat a rarity… maybe not compared with Chad or Somalia, but up against Tribeca or the East Village, for sure.

 

Twenty years ago the epicurean daredevils would have been touting “Sushi,” which today, I admittedly find delicious, but that doesn’t change the fact that a country’s cuisine made up of small pieces of raw fish could only develop in a country where you can’t afford a whole fish per person and you lack the electricity or gas to allow most people to own stoves.  If you have the yen, you order up a filet at Morton’s way before you develop a diet based on bite size pieces of raw fish… and rice.

 

And it makes sense to me because Japan is a rock about the size of New Jersey in the middle of the ocean; only one-seventh of the rock is arable… and historically speaking, the land nearby is generally jam packed with marauding hordes of one kind or another.  Much safer if you learn to feed the people on your rock without anyone having to leave it, no question about it.  So, rice and small pieces of raw fish rules the day, and I completely understand.

 

Another example is found in the tortillas with which so many Americans have become enamored.  I mean, they’re fine for holding whatever you put inside them, as long as it’s beans, rice, and some kind of meat, and the whole thing will taste great given sufficient amounts of salsa, guacamole and sour cream, which is the same sort of principle under which some consider snails to be a delicacy, just replace the condiments with garlic and butter.  Actually, I’ve often thought that I might be able to eat most of an economy car, given copious amounts of garlic and butter.

 

But tortillas couldn’t have been everything their inventors were striving for, right?  They had to be the result of people not being able to afford whatever they needed to make bread. They weren’t anyone’s first choice.  Like they got sick of eating so much bread that they switched to tortillas?  I seriously doubt that.  Every time I hear someone ask, “Flour or corn?”  I can’t help but think to myself, “Paper or plastic?”  I mean, who cares?

 

How about this for an answer: Whichever promises to most significantly reduce the probability of food inside ending up in my lap.  With that in mind, you make the call.

 

Just like matzo, for the Jews in the audience, which was also no one’s recipe, but rather is the sort of outcome possible when a bunch of slaves, on their way to a 40-year trek in the Sinai Desert, unexpectedly have to leave town in a hurry.  Why we have to relive the outcome of planning so poorly thousands of years after the event is beyond me.  I mean, come on already… let my people go.

 

And don’t start with that “tradition” nonsense.  I don’t need a Tevya in my life unless he’s being played by Zero Mostel, capisce?

 

 

You don’t see any Jews volunteering to wander around for extended periods in the desert for tradition’s sake, do you?  Not a chance.  The closest thing to that you’ll ever see from today’s Jews occurs when Walter Annenberg and his wife spend a week or two at their place in Rancho Mirage.

 

No one WANTS to eat matzo, which is why even Jews only consider doing it over the course of maybe a week a year.  I somehow manage to choke down half a sheet sheet of the stuff annually, but only if I can find the Egg & Onion flavor and slather it in butter and salt, which is basically the same sort of scenario under which I would be willing to eat shirt cardboard.

 

And, by the way, eating matzo without some sort of liquid within reach kills more people each year than any other food except improperly prepared blow fish.

 

Matzo was simply the best the Jews could do in a pinch.  If you don’t have a pharaoh on your tail who’s bent on exterminating your entire clan, and there isn’t a guy named Moses running from hut to hut yelling, “Let’s go, for Christ’s sake,” then you let the bread rise and leave the following day.

 

 

So anyway, that’s what we did… we went out for Ethiopian food, which I soon learned is not all that far from what I expected would be the cuisine of a poor African nation that, for most of my life, was at war with neighboring Eritrea.  And, why a country plagued by drought would attempt to develop an economy based almost exclusively on agriculture is one of those head scratchers for smarter minds than mine.

 

Didn’t they learn anything from Las Vegas?  I know they know about Vegas because half the cab drivers in Vegas are either from Ethiopia or Eritrea, so you’d think that by now someone would have sent a postcard home with a few tips, at the very least.

 

Or maybe it’s that, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” thing at work.  (Okay, I apologize for that.  It was entirely uncalled for and just plain wrong.  You have my word that it won’t happen again.)

 

So, after being seated at a table for four, the six of us perused the menu in complete silence until it was awkward.  And just my luck, our waiter, who was a dead-ringer for Ziggy Marley, approached my side of the table first, saying…

 

“Are you ready to order, Mon?” 

 

“Yes. I think I’ll have three small bowls of paste and a basket of sandy sponges.”

 

“Very good, sir.  What color pastes would you like?”

 

“Hmm… let’s stay with Earth-tones… oh, and nothing purple,” the last thought having been inspired at the last moment as a table nearby received its order as I was finishing mine.

 

“Great, and to drink?”

 

“Let’s see… which do you recommend… the Desert Brush Tea or the Clay-aide? Never mind, I think I’ll have the tea.”  The waiter had already turned his attention to the next order but when I mumbled under my breath, “I drank too much clay last night,” he turned back to me.  “I’m sorry, did you want to change something?”

 

“No, I’m fine,” I replied.  “Absolutely perfect.”  Great, I thought.  Now he’d probably spit in my tea before bringing it to the table.  I started imagining that I was Larry David in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

 

Our host loved his meal.  You could tell that he was literally enthralled by the overly cultural experience… he even knew how to pronounce his selection, although I decided not to ask him to translate it, even though I was 90 percent sure that he didn’t order goat entrails, so it probably would have been fine if he did.  At moments like that, I guess I just figure… why tempt fate, if you know what I mean.

 

So, would you like to know how I liked my Ethiopian meal?  I’ll tell you… it made me want to starve to death.  I hadn’t realized it before, but the occurrence of starvation in Ethiopia is probably a choice in many instances… people just can’t face another bowl of paste and sponges.  The country’s slogan could easily be changed to read…

 

Come to Ethiopia – A Wonderful Place to Miss a Meal

 

As I sat there, at first strategically moving my food around on my plate, and then generously offering everyone at our table and even those seated close by the opportunity to try what I had ordered, describing its taste like someone hosting an infomercial, I could tell that Ethiopian food was so 2010.

 

 

It had shown the world the many ways that sand, clay and brush could be transformed into dishes with varying amounts of moistness… some merely damp, others entirely soupy.  And now there would be something new… something with even less appeal than eating what falls on the floor of the African continent.

 

These multicolored pastes and play-doughs, it occurred to me, had been brought from the Horn of Africa to Manhattan for no discernable reason other than to provide upscale foodies a taste of what it feels like to be malnourished.  I decided that I would endeavor to impress my friends back in L.A. by finding out which country’s cuisine was likely to become the next trendy eatery for the recession-proof, restaurant addicted segment of our population before I left town.

 

I asked around… nothing.  I tried the Zabar’s shoppers, and still… no ideas.  Then, I figured that maybe the best way to find America’s next trendy dining experience might be to check the other countries where starvation has traditionally flourished.  Would there be restaurants serving food from Darfur or Somalia, for example?

 

Doesn’t it just figure that in this country, where we have so much food we that throw away inconceivable amounts on an hourly basis and literally pay farmers millions of dollars not to grow stuff… that we’d have trendy intellectuals gravitating towards the trappings of the impoverished?  It’s a lot like the untold millions of Americans who claim to be, “lactose intolerant.”  Is anyone lactose intolerant in Darfur?  I’m thinking… not, but what do I know?

 

So, unable to find anything worse than Ethiopian dining to hang my hat on as being the next new thing, but with the rich getting ever richer in this country every day, I started thinking that perhaps I should design the next trendy chic haute cuisine for those with discerning taste and sophisticated pallets, and open a restaurant myself.

 

But what could be even more primitive than eating Ethiopian style? It’s hard to beat sand and clay for dinner in terms of making a foodie with bank feel like he or she’s living large.

 

And then it hit me… Cuisine de Composti… A menu of delights made exclusively from refuse.  The toniest locales could have their compost trucked in daily… fresh from Central Jersey, or in LA’s case, flown in fresh from Fresno.

 

 

Perfect!  What’s even worse than eating in Ethiopia… eating right here at home in these United States.  Heck, we’ve got closing in on 50 million on food stamps and at least four million homeless already… by next year those numbers will have both gone up.  I’ll market the chance to experience the dining during America’s Great Depression, Part 2, to those not being given the chance to participate in it.

 

Opening the restaurant won’t cost much because it will be in a foreclosed and already decrepit building that we could be evicted from any day now.  We’ll keep trying to get the sale postponed and letting the patrons know what’s happening so they’ll never know when the sheriff might arrive and have them removed… how exciting for them.

 

This is going to be huge… a way for the uber-rich to live like the neo-poor, but instead of Ethiopian poverty, we’ll let them experience what our own country’s bottom rung people get to taste and smell every day.

 

We could call the place… La Maison des Ordures (French for “House of Garbage”), and I’d write the first review…

 

New LA Dining Experience Says You Won’t Refuse the Refuse at

La Maison des Ordures

 

I recommend the Rancid Chicken in Curdled Cream for sure.  Consider starting with the Romaine a’la Ptomaine, which is the chef’s signature salad. 

 

For meat lovers, don’t miss out on trying the Putrescence of Pork which is prepared with a Diphtheria Glaze, and it is something you’ll likely remember for days or even weeks afterwards.  And what this place does with its Decomposing Flap-Steak Fat is already said to be inspiring chefs around the world.

 

Don’t forget that upon request any of the meat dishes can be prepared to be served “extra rank,” which uses a rub made from a balanced blend of “miscellaneous droppings, lint scrapings and soap powder.”

 

Other popular items include the Stinking Fish with Reeking Cheese Potatoes and Insufferable Sauce, and for the real gourmand who isn’t allergic to petroleum-based products, the Eel du Oil is in a class by itself, but check the signs in front of the Arco across the street before ordering, as the price of this dish does fluctuate. 

 

And for pasta lovers don’t pass up the Petrified Noodles, which are traditionally served with various larvaes in a mucous-based marinara… portions are generous so consider ordering one dish for the table and sharing.

 

On the lunch menu is the Canine Rigatoni… it’s a brand new addition so ask your server for details, and there’s the fabulous Hirsute Herring Chowder, which is served unshaven with a selection of moldy breads and crusty sponges. 

 

And for either the children, or the un-tenured assistant professors from New York City College, along with any other budget conscious guests, there’s the always hearty, “Fetid Franks & Things,” a casserole dish that looks every bit as interesting as it smells.

 

Desert is certainly worth leaving room for… and the most popular are the Spoiled Crèmes in Kleenex, which is served sprinkled with a mix of coffee grounds, dust and acetaminophen… and who could forget, the dish that started it all, the Crème du Stench, which is truly a bouquet of aromas that shan’t be forgotten. 

 

And for those adventurous diners, who don’t shy away from diseases born south of the border, there’s the Lumpy Crème de Cagada, which for a few dollars more can be ordered without lumps but this change does add about 20 minutes to the preparation time, so be sure to order ahead of time.

 

After dinner, patrons are welcome to linger over a cup of what appears to be the restaurant’s own coffee, look for it to be listed on the menu as “Steaming Hot Brown Fluid.”  Its further description only says that it’s, “a proprietary blend,” and it seemed that by stopping short of disclosing what exactly was being blended, our table’s after dinner conversation was much more lively than usual.

 

 

Or, maybe not.  I don’t know… now I seem to have lost my appetite…

 

Besides, I’m just thinking out loud.

 

Mandelman out.

Apr
22

Thinking Out Loud… Über-Trendy Rich New Yorkers & Ethiopian Cuisine

 

Manhattan is where the trendy chic food trends begin, for the most part, right?  It has always seemed that way to me anyway, although I think LA may be able to take most of the credit for strip mall sushi, and Mexican fare.

 

Every time I’m in NYC, it seems that someone always suggests dining at some new kind of restaurant that until that moment, I didn’t really know existed.  It’s always good in some ways, but it’s never the kind of food of which anyone takes large bites, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out for spaghetti and meatballs after dinner and goodnight.

 

I was in the city on business some years ago, dining with the CEO of an international conglomerate type of company who had wanted to dine at what looked to be a Chinese restaurant, but was supposedly representative of some far out province near the Mongolian border where yak was a delicacy, or whatever.

 

I’ll never forget it because he ordered the unbelievably expensive Bird Nest Soup for the table… if memory serves it was about $600 for maybe eight of us… and I am not making this up, you can ask someone else or look it up online.  As I was blowing on a spoonful wondering how I was going to get out of this gracefully… he leaned over to tell me what a delicacy it was because, he said in a hushed tone, it was made with “real bird spit.”

 

“WHAT?”  Unexpectedly taken aback for a moment, I had inadvertently blurted it out much louder than I would have liked.  Not really noticing my reaction in any detail, he only repeated himself.

 

“Oh,” I said.  “Real bird s-p-i-t… got it…wow, that is amazing.  I thought you said… “

 

Spoon in hand, he had returned to focus on the contents of the ornate blue and white lacquered soup bowl in front of him.  “Never mind,” I mumbled almost to myself.

 

Real bird spit, while considerably more palatable than its misheard alternative, was still not doing much for me.  I remembered that I once had pretty much gagged on a spoonful of egg-drop soup that my daughter ordered and insisted that I try.  And I figured that if I didn’t like egg in my soup, it seemed unlikely that I would end having a taste for a soup made from the nest in which the egg could have been laid.

 

 

And besides… REAL bird spit?  As opposed to what, perhaps?  Was there a company manufacturing fake bird spit and passing it off in cans as being the real thing to chefs in Mongolia?  That was only my first thought on the subject.  My second thought was that, although I detested that stuff referred to as imitation crabmeat, it was quite possible that bird spit would prove to be one of the few things in the world that given the choice, I’d probably just as soon opt for the fake one.

 

I peered into my spoon’s contents noticing the soup’s undeniable spit-like texture, and then as I watched him slurp it down like it was Campbell’s Chicken Noodle, I pretended it was still a bit too hot and returned my spoon to the bowl.  Recognizing that a diversion was going to be needed, I simply waited a minute before knocking my water glass over and in the flurry of apologies and confusion, fed my bird’s nest soup to the oriental carpet.  “Mmmm…” I said a few minutes later.  Delicious,” and thankfully no was the wiser.

 

But, it was far too close a call and I made a mental note to do more to avoid getting pinned down in such dicey dining situations.  I had learned this lesson before too… people with the means to eat absolutely anything are often drawn to really primitive peasant food and you have to watch them carefully or you could end up having to make a run for the relative privacy of a restaurant’s back alley in order to heave beyond the purview of the other guests.

 

I was in Helsinki some years ago for a couple of weeks and in case you get the chance to visit Finland… my knee-jerk response would be to yell out… No, don’t do it!

 

For one thing it never gets dark there so you can have the front desk book your tee time at midnight.  But trust me on this, golf is frustrating enough during the hours in which it’s normally played.  No one needs to be teeing off straight into the wind on a narrow 200-yard Par 3 with water on both sides at 3:15 AM, especially right after some 6’6” chick with blond hair and unusually muscular forearms named Maijuska, just opened your seventh beer at the turn.

 

For another, never attempt to spend time in a country where they have street names that make use of the letter ‘N’ five times, three of which being consecutive.  Just try finding “Uudenmaankatu Ullanlinna,” after a couple shots of vodka at the hotel bar.  Actually, it’s not that hard… it’s just past the intersection of Hietassaarenkuja and Porvoonk and if you hit Teollisuuskatu, you’ve gone too far.  If you rent a car, you’re all but certain to be killed in a rear end collision as you attempt to decipher enough of the data involved in the decision of turning one way or the other.

 

I was there at a conference of the World Health Organization, my father’s doing, not mine, and so we were attending these hoity dinners at which I can only assume the academics and government officials had simply eaten everything the world had to offer and so were being fed things that the rest of us would likely view as “experimental” before we’d identify with it as food we might want to eat.

 

I remember breakfast vividly, for the most part, it was always a herring buffet… all different kinds of herring prepared in every conceivable way, although some of which I’m certain I would never have been able to conceive.  And if you’re thinking that the problem was that herring alone isn’t all that filling, don’t worry… that was not the problem, and it was all the herring you could eat.

 

With that as breakfast fare, it was barely a surprise to find out that these world-renowned intellectuals with means eat porridge for dinner, but we’re not talking about Cream of Wheat with brown sugar, in this porridge there was invariably either reindeer or blood sausage involved.

 

 

I’d offer to describe its taste, but for 10 straight days, I consumed only two foods and one drink: 1. Boxes of what appeared to be the Finnish equivalent of Lorna Doones.  2. Very large bowls of Beluga and Osetra caviar on toast points with a squeeze of lemon and chased by innumerable ice-cold shots of Finnish vodka.

 

After that, while traveling in the Baltic, First Class on a cruise ship headed for St. Petersburg, I quickly discovered that I was unable to come within six feet of a huge vat sitting right in the middle of the breakfast buffet table every morning.  I was told that it contained oatmeal, but I knew they were lying because although I will readily concede that “oatmeal” can spoil… it doesn’t die.  And there was no question in my mind that whatever was now inside that giant vat, it had not walked among living creatures for many years.

 

So, you’d think that I’d have learned my lesson after all these years, but the last time I was in Manhattan someone said, “Hey, let’s go have Ethiopian food,” and inexplicably, I replied saying, “Okay, sounds good.”  I heard myself say it… wanted to take it back, but it was too late, my host was already into telling me how much I was sure to love it.

 

Ethiopian food?  Really?  To my ears, it sounded like “jumbo shrimp.”  I thought food in Ethiopia was at least somewhat a rarity… maybe not compared with Chad or Somalia, but up against Tribeca or the East Village, for sure.

 

Twenty years ago the epicurean daredevils would have been touting “Sushi,” which today, I admittedly find delicious, but that doesn’t change the fact that a country’s cuisine made up of small pieces of raw fish could only develop in a country where you can’t afford a whole fish per person and you lack the electricity or gas to allow most people to own stoves.  If you have the yen, you order up a filet at Morton’s way before you develop a diet based on bite size pieces of raw fish… and rice.

 

And it makes sense to me because Japan is a rock about the size of New Jersey in the middle of the ocean; only one-seventh of the rock is arable… and historically speaking, the land nearby is generally jam packed with marauding hordes of one kind or another.  Much safer if you learn to feed the people on your rock without anyone having to leave it, no question about it.  So, rice and small pieces of raw fish rules the day, and I completely understand.

 

Another example is found in the tortillas with which so many Americans have become enamored.  I mean, they’re fine for holding whatever you put inside them, as long as it’s beans, rice, and some kind of meat, and the whole thing will taste great given sufficient amounts of salsa, guacamole and sour cream.

 

But tortillas couldn’t have been everything their inventors were looking for, they had to be the result of people not being able to afford whatever they needed to make bread, right? They weren’t anyone’s first choice.  Like they got sick of eating so much bread that they switched to tortillas?  I seriously doubt that.  Every time I hear someone ask, “Flour or corn?”  I can’t help but think to myself, “Paper or plastic?”  I mean, who cares?

 

How about this for an answer: Whichever promises to most significant reduction in the probability that the food inside will end up in my lap.  With that in mind, you make the call.

 

Just like matzo, for the Jews in the audience, which was also clearly no one’s recipe, but rather is the sort of outcome possible when a bunch of slaves, on their way to a 40-year trek in the Sinai Desert, unexpectedly have to leave town in a hurry.  Why we have to relive the outcome of planning so poorly that we were left with matzo thousands of years after the event is beyond me.  I mean, come on… let my people go already.

 

And don’t start with that “tradition” nonsense.  I don’t need a Tevya in my life unless he’s being played by Zero Mostel, capisce?

 

 

You don’t see any Jews volunteering to wander around for extended periods in the desert for tradition’s sake, do you?  Not a chance.  The closest thing to that you’ll ever see from today’s Jews occurs when Walter Annenberg and his wife spend a week or two at their place in Rancho Mirage.

 

No one WANTS to eat matzo, which is why even Jews only consider doing it over the course of maybe a week a year.  I somehow manage to choke down half a sheet sheet of the stuff annually, but only if I can find the Egg & Onion flavor and slather it in butter and salt, which is basically the same sort of scenario under which I would be willing to eat shirt cardboard.  Eating the stuff without some sort of liquid within reach kills more people each year than any other food except improperly prepared blow fish.

 

Matzo was simply the best they could do in a pinch.  If you don’t have a pharaoh on your tail who’s bent on exterminating your entire clan, and there isn’t a guy named Moses running from hut to hut yelling, “Let’s go, for Christ’s sake,” then you let the bread rise and leave the following day.

 

 

So anyway, that’s what we did… we went out for Ethiopian food, which I soon learned is not all that far from what I expected would be the cuisine of a poor African nation that, for most of my life, was at war with neighboring Eritrea.  And, why a country plagued by drought would attempt to develop an economy based almost exclusively on agriculture is one of those head scratchers for smarter minds than mine.

 

Didn’t they learn anything from Las Vegas?  I know they know about Vegas because half the cab drivers in Vegas are either from Ethiopia or Eritrea, so you’d think that by now someone would have sent a postcard home with a few tips, at the very least.

 

Or maybe it’s that, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” thing at work.  (Okay, I apologize for that.  It was entirely uncalled for and just plain wrong.  You have my word that it won’t happen again.)

 

So, after being seated at a table for four, the six of us perused the menu in complete silence until it was awkward.  And just my luck, our waiter, who was a dead-ringer for Ziggy Marley, approached my side of the table first, saying…

 

“Are you ready to order, Mon?” 

 

“Yes. I think I’ll have three small bowls of paste and a basket of sandy sponges.”

 

“Very good, sir.  What color pastes would you like?”

 

“Hmm… let’s stay with Earth-tones… oh, and nothing purple,” the last thought having been inspired at the last moment as a table nearby received its order as I was finishing mine.

 

“Great, and to drink?”

 

“Let’s see… which do you recommend… the Desert Brush Tea or the Clay-aide? Never mind, I think I’ll have the tea.”  The waiter had already turned his attention to the next order but when I mumbled under my breath, “I drank too much clay last night,” he turned back to me.  “I’m sorry, did you want to change something?”

 

“No, I’m fine,” I replied.  “Absolutely perfect.”  Great, I thought.  Now he’d probably spit in my tea before bringing it to the table.  I started imagining that I was Larry David in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

 

Our host loved his meal.  You could tell that he was literally enthralled by the overly cultural experience… he even knew how to pronounce his selection, although I decided not to ask him to translate it, even though I was 90 percent sure that he didn’t order goat entrails, so it probably would have been fine if he did.  At moments like that, I guess I just figure… why tempt fate, if you know what I mean.

 

So, would you like to know how I liked my Ethiopian meal?  I’ll tell you… it made me want to starve to death.  I hadn’t realized it before, but the occurrence of starvation in Ethiopia is probably a choice in many instances… people just can’t face another bowl of paste and sponges.  The country’s slogan could easily be changed to read…

 

Come to Ethiopia – A Wonderful Place to Miss a Meal

 

As I sat there, at first strategically moving my food around on my plate, and then generously offering everyone at our table and even those seated close by the opportunity to try what I had ordered, describing its taste like someone hosting an infomercial, I could tell that Ethiopian food was so 2010.

 

 

It had shown the world the many ways that sand, clay and brush could be transformed into dishes with varying amounts of moistness… some merely damp, others entirely soupy.  And now there would be something new… something with even less appeal than eating what falls on the floor of the African continent.

 

These multicolored pastes and play-doughs, it occurred to me, had been brought from the Horn of Africa to Manhattan for no discernable reason other than to provide upscale foodies a taste of what it feels like to be malnourished.  I decided that I would endeavor to impress my friends back in L.A. by finding out which country’s cuisine was likely to become the next trendy eatery for the recession-proof, restaurant addicted segment of our population before I left town.

 

I asked around… nothing.  I tried the Zabar’s shoppers, and still… no ideas.  Then, I figured that maybe the best way to find America’s next trendy dining experience might be to check the other countries where starvation has traditionally flourished.  Would there be restaurants serving food from Darfur or Somalia, for example?

 

Doesn’t it just figure that in this country, where we have so much food we that throw away inconceivable amounts on an hourly basis and literally pay farmers millions of dollars not to grow stuff… that we’d have trendy intellectuals gravitating towards the trappings of the impoverished?  It’s a lot like the untold millions of Americans who claim to be, “lactose intolerant.”  Is anyone lactose intolerant in Darfur?  I’m thinking… not, but what do I know?

 

So, unable to find anything worse than Ethiopian dining to hang my hat on as being the next new thing, but with the rich getting ever richer in this country every day, I started thinking that perhaps I should design the next trendy chic haute cuisine for those with discerning taste and sophisticated pallets, and open a restaurant myself.

 

But what could be even more primitive than eating Ethiopian style? It’s hard to beat sand and clay for dinner in terms of making a foodie with bank feel like he or she’s living large.

 

And then it hit me… Cuisine de Composti… A menu of delights made exclusively from refuse.  The toniest locales could have their compost trucked in daily… fresh from Central Jersey, or in LA’s case, flown in fresh from Fresno.

 

 

Perfect!  What’s even worse than eating in Ethiopia… eating right here at home in these United States.  Heck, we’ve got closing in on 50 million on food stamps and at least four million homeless already… by next year those numbers will have both gone up.  I’ll market the chance to experience the dining during America’s Great Depression, Part 2, to those not being given the chance to participate in it.

 

Opening the restaurant won’t cost much because it will be in a foreclosed and already decrepit building that we could be evicted from any day now.  We’ll keep trying to get the same postponed and letting the patrons know what’s happening so they’ll never know when the sheriff might arrive and have them removed… how exciting for them.

 

This is going to be huge… a way for the rich to live like the poor, but instead of Ethiopian poverty, we’ll let them experience what our own country’s poor people get to taste and smell every day.

 

We could call the place… La Maison des Ordures (French for “House of Garbage”), and I’d write the first review…

 

New LA Dining Experience Says You Won’t Refuse the Refuse at

La Maison des Ordures

 

I recommend the Rancid Chicken in Curdled Cream for sure.  Consider starting with the Romaine a’la Ptomaine, which is the chef’s signature salad. 

 

For meat lovers, don’t miss out on trying the Putrescence of Pork which is prepared with a Diphtheria Glaze, as it is something you’ll likely remember for days or even weeks afterwards.  And what this place does with its Decomposing Flap-Steak Fat is already said to be inspiring chefs around the world.

 

Don’t forget that upon request any of the meat dishes can be prepared to be served “extra rank,” which uses a rub made from a balanced blend of “miscellaneous droppings, lint scrapings and soap powder.”

 

Other popular items include the Stinking Fish with Reeking Cheese Potatoes, and for the real gourmand who isn’t allergic to petroleum-based products, the Eel du Oil is in a class by itself, but check the signs in front of the Arco across the street before ordering, as the price of this dish does fluctuate.  And for pasta lovers don’t pass up the Petrified Noodles, which are traditionally served with various larvaes in a mucous-based marinara… portions are generous so consider ordering one dish for the table and sharing.

 

On the lunch menu is the Canine Rigatoni, it’s a brand new addition so ask your server for details, and there’s a fabulous Hirsute Herring Chowder, which is served unshaven with what we assumed was a selection of moldy breads and dried out sponges. 

 

And for either the children, or the un-tenured assistant professors from New York City College, along with any other budget conscious guests, there’s the always hearty, “Fetid Franks & Things,” a casserole dish that looks every bit as interesting as it smells.

 

Desert is certainly worth leaving room for… and the most popular are the Spoiled Crèmes in Kleenex, which is served sprinkled with a mix of coffee grounds, dust and acetaminophen… and who could forget, the dish that started it all, the Crème du Stench, which is truly a bouquet of aromas that shan’t be forgotten. 

 

And for those adventurous diners, who don’t mind diseases from south of the border, there’s the Lumpy Crème de Cagada, which for a few dollars more can be prepared without lumps but this does require about 20 minutes longer to prepare so be sure to order ahead of time.

 

After dinner, patrons are welcome to linger over a cup of what appears to be the restaurant’s own coffee, look for it to be listed on the menu as “Steaming Hot Brown Fluid.”  Its further description only says that it’s, “a proprietary blend,” and it seemed that by stopping short of disclosing what was exactly was being blended, our table’s after dinner conversation was much more lively than usual.

 

 

Or, maybe not.  I don’t know… now I seem to have lost my appetite…

 

Besides, I’m just thinking out loud.

 

Mandelman out.

Apr
22

Thinking Out Loud… Über-Trendy Rich New Yorkers & Ethiopian Cuisine

 

Manhattan is where the trendy chic food trends begin, for the most part, right?  It has always seemed that way to me anyway, although I think LA may be able to take most of the credit for strip mall sushi, and Mexican fare.

 

Every time I’m in NYC, it seems that someone always suggests dining at some new kind of restaurant that until that moment, I didn’t really know existed.  It’s always good in some ways, but it’s never the kind of food of which anyone takes large bites, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out for spaghetti and meatballs after dinner and goodnight.

 

I was in the city on business some years ago, dining with the CEO of an international conglomerate type of company who had wanted to dine at what looked to be a Chinese restaurant, but was supposedly representative of some far out province near the Mongolian border where yak was a delicacy, or whatever.

 

I’ll never forget it because he ordered the unbelievably expensive Bird Nest Soup for the table… if memory serves it was about $600 for maybe eight of us… and I am not making this up, you can ask someone else or look it up online.  As I was blowing on a spoonful wondering how I was going to get out of this gracefully… he leaned over to tell me what a delicacy it was because, he said in a hushed tone, it was made with “real bird spit.”

 

“WHAT?”  Unexpectedly taken aback for a moment, I had inadvertently blurted it out much louder than I would have liked.  Not really noticing my reaction in any detail, he only repeated himself.

 

“Oh,” I said.  “Real bird s-p-i-t… got it…wow, that is amazing.  I thought you said… “

 

Spoon in hand, he had returned to focus on the contents of the ornate blue and white lacquered soup bowl in front of him.  “Never mind,” I mumbled almost to myself.

 

Real bird spit, while considerably more palatable than its misheard alternative, was still not doing much for me.  I remembered that I once had pretty much gagged on a spoonful of egg-drop soup that my daughter ordered and insisted that I try.  And I figured that if I didn’t like egg in my soup, it seemed unlikely that I would end having a taste for a soup made from the nest in which the egg could have been laid.

 

 

And besides… REAL bird spit?  As opposed to what, perhaps?  Was there a company manufacturing fake bird spit and passing it off in cans as being the real thing to chefs in Mongolia?  That was only my first thought on the subject.  My second thought was that, although I detested that stuff referred to as imitation crabmeat, it was quite possible that bird spit would prove to be one of the few things in the world that given the choice, I’d probably just as soon opt for the fake one.

 

I peered into my spoon’s contents noticing the soup’s undeniable spit-like texture, and then as I watched him slurp it down like it was Campbell’s Chicken Noodle, I pretended it was still a bit too hot and returned my spoon to the bowl.  Recognizing that a diversion was going to be needed, I simply waited a minute before knocking my water glass over and in the flurry of apologies and confusion, fed my bird’s nest soup to the oriental carpet.  “Mmmm…” I said a few minutes later.  Delicious,” and thankfully no was the wiser.

 

But, it was far too close a call and I made a mental note to do more to avoid getting pinned down in such dicey dining situations.  I had learned this lesson before too… people with the means to eat absolutely anything are often drawn to really primitive peasant food and you have to watch them carefully or you could end up having to make a run for the relative privacy of a restaurant’s back alley in order to heave beyond the purview of the other guests.

 

I was in Helsinki some years ago for a couple of weeks and in case you get the chance to visit Finland… my knee-jerk response would be to yell out… No, don’t do it!

 

For one thing it never gets dark there so you can have the front desk book your tee time at midnight.  But trust me on this, golf is frustrating enough during the hours in which it’s normally played.  No one needs to be teeing off straight into the wind on a narrow 200-yard Par 3 with water on both sides at 3:15 AM, especially right after some 6’6” chick with blond hair and unusually muscular forearms named Maijuska, just opened your seventh beer at the turn.

 

For another, never attempt to spend time in a country where they have street names that make use of the letter ‘N’ five times, three of which being consecutive.  Just try finding “Uudenmaankatu Ullanlinna,” after a couple shots of vodka at the hotel bar.  Actually, it’s not that hard… it’s just past the intersection of Hietassaarenkuja and Porvoonk and if you hit Teollisuuskatu, you’ve gone too far.  If you rent a car, you’re all but certain to be killed in a rear end collision as you attempt to decipher enough of the data involved in the decision of turning one way or the other.

 

I was there at a conference of the World Health Organization, my father’s doing, not mine, and so we were attending these hoity dinners at which I can only assume the academics and government officials had simply eaten everything the world had to offer and so were being fed things that the rest of us would likely view as “experimental” before we’d identify with it as food we might want to eat.

 

I remember breakfast vividly, for the most part, it was always a herring buffet… all different kinds of herring prepared in every conceivable way, although some of which I’m certain I would never have been able to conceive.  And if you’re thinking that the problem was that herring alone isn’t all that filling, don’t worry… that was not the problem, and it was all the herring you could eat.

 

With that as breakfast fare, it was barely a surprise to find out that these world-renowned intellectuals with means eat porridge for dinner, but we’re not talking about Cream of Wheat with brown sugar, in this porridge there was invariably either reindeer or blood sausage involved.

 

 

I’d offer to describe its taste, but for 10 straight days, I consumed only two foods and one drink: 1. Boxes of what appeared to be the Finnish equivalent of Lorna Doones.  2. Very large bowls of Beluga and Osetra caviar on toast points with a squeeze of lemon and chased by innumerable ice-cold shots of Finnish vodka.

 

After that, while traveling in the Baltic, First Class on a cruise ship headed for St. Petersburg, I quickly discovered that I was unable to come within six feet of a huge vat sitting right in the middle of the breakfast buffet table every morning.  I was told that it contained oatmeal, but I knew they were lying because although I will readily concede that “oatmeal” can spoil… it doesn’t die.  And there was no question in my mind that whatever was now inside that giant vat, it had not walked among living creatures for many years.

 

So, you’d think that I’d have learned my lesson after all these years, but the last time I was in Manhattan someone said, “Hey, let’s go have Ethiopian food,” and inexplicably, I replied saying, “Okay, sounds good.”  I heard myself say it… wanted to take it back, but it was too late, my host was already into telling me how much I was sure to love it.

 

Ethiopian food?  Really?  To my ears, it sounded like “jumbo shrimp.”  I thought food in Ethiopia was at least somewhat a rarity… maybe not compared with Chad or Somalia, but up against Tribeca or the East Village, for sure.

 

Twenty years ago the epicurean daredevils would have been touting “Sushi,” which today, I admittedly find delicious, but that doesn’t change the fact that a country’s cuisine made up of small pieces of raw fish could only develop in a country where you can’t afford a whole fish per person and you lack the electricity or gas to allow most people to own stoves.  If you have the yen, you order up a filet at Morton’s way before you develop a diet based on bite size pieces of raw fish… and rice.

 

And it makes sense to me because Japan is a rock about the size of New Jersey in the middle of the ocean; only one-seventh of the rock is arable… and historically speaking, the land nearby is generally jam packed with marauding hordes of one kind or another.  Much safer if you learn to feed the people on your rock without anyone having to leave it, no question about it.  So, rice and small pieces of raw fish rules the day, and I completely understand.

 

Another example is found in the tortillas with which so many Americans have become enamored.  I mean, they’re fine for holding whatever you put inside them, as long as it’s beans, rice, and some kind of meat, and the whole thing will taste great given sufficient amounts of salsa, guacamole and sour cream.

 

But tortillas couldn’t have been everything their inventors were looking for, they had to be the result of people not being able to afford whatever they needed to make bread, right? They weren’t anyone’s first choice.  Like they got sick of eating so much bread that they switched to tortillas?  I seriously doubt that.  Every time I hear someone ask, “Flour or corn?”  I can’t help but think to myself, “Paper or plastic?”  I mean, who cares?

 

How about this for an answer: Whichever promises to most significant reduction in the probability that the food inside will end up in my lap.  With that in mind, you make the call.

 

Just like matzo, for the Jews in the audience, which was also clearly no one’s recipe, but rather is the sort of outcome possible when a bunch of slaves, on their way to a 40-year trek in the Sinai Desert, unexpectedly have to leave town in a hurry.  Why we have to relive the outcome of planning so poorly that we were left with matzo thousands of years after the event is beyond me.  I mean, come on… let my people go already.

 

And don’t start with that “tradition” nonsense.  I don’t need a Tevya in my life unless he’s being played by Zero Mostel, capisce?

 

 

You don’t see any Jews volunteering to wander around for extended periods in the desert for tradition’s sake, do you?  Not a chance.  The closest thing to that you’ll ever see from today’s Jews occurs when Walter Annenberg and his wife spend a week or two at their place in Rancho Mirage.

 

No one WANTS to eat matzo, which is why even Jews only consider doing it over the course of maybe a week a year.  I somehow manage to choke down half a sheet sheet of the stuff annually, but only if I can find the Egg & Onion flavor and slather it in butter and salt, which is basically the same sort of scenario under which I would be willing to eat shirt cardboard.  Eating the stuff without some sort of liquid within reach kills more people each year than any other food except improperly prepared blow fish.

 

Matzo was simply the best they could do in a pinch.  If you don’t have a pharaoh on your tail who’s bent on exterminating your entire clan, and there isn’t a guy named Moses running from hut to hut yelling, “Let’s go, for Christ’s sake,” then you let the bread rise and leave the following day.

 

 

So anyway, that’s what we did… we went out for Ethiopian food, which I soon learned is not all that far from what I expected would be the cuisine of a poor African nation that, for most of my life, was at war with neighboring Eritrea.  And, why a country plagued by drought would attempt to develop an economy based almost exclusively on agriculture is one of those head scratchers for smarter minds than mine.

 

Didn’t they learn anything from Las Vegas?  I know they know about Vegas because half the cab drivers in Vegas are either from Ethiopia or Eritrea, so you’d think that by now someone would have sent a postcard home with a few tips, at the very least.

 

Or maybe it’s that, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” thing at work.  (Okay, I apologize for that.  It was entirely uncalled for and just plain wrong.  You have my word that it won’t happen again.)

 

So, after being seated at a table for four, the six of us perused the menu in complete silence until it was awkward.  And just my luck, our waiter, who was a dead-ringer for Ziggy Marley, approached my side of the table first, saying…

 

“Are you ready to order, Mon?” 

 

“Yes. I think I’ll have three small bowls of paste and a basket of sandy sponges.”

 

“Very good, sir.  What color pastes would you like?”

 

“Hmm… let’s stay with Earth-tones… oh, and nothing purple,” the last thought having been inspired at the last moment as a table nearby received its order as I was finishing mine.

 

“Great, and to drink?”

 

“Let’s see… which do you recommend… the Desert Brush Tea or the Clay-aide? Never mind, I think I’ll have the tea.”  The waiter had already turned his attention to the next order but when I mumbled under my breath, “I drank too much clay last night,” he turned back to me.  “I’m sorry, did you want to change something?”

 

“No, I’m fine,” I replied.  “Absolutely perfect.”  Great, I thought.  Now he’d probably spit in my tea before bringing it to the table.  I started imagining that I was Larry David in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

 

Our host loved his meal.  You could tell that he was literally enthralled by the overly cultural experience… he even knew how to pronounce his selection, although I decided not to ask him to translate it, even though I was 90 percent sure that he didn’t order goat entrails, so it probably would have been fine if he did.  At moments like that, I guess I just figure… why tempt fate, if you know what I mean.

 

So, would you like to know how I liked my Ethiopian meal?  I’ll tell you… it made me want to starve to death.  I hadn’t realized it before, but the occurrence of starvation in Ethiopia is probably a choice in many instances… people just can’t face another bowl of paste and sponges.  The country’s slogan could easily be changed to read…

 

Come to Ethiopia – A Wonderful Place to Miss a Meal

 

As I sat there, at first strategically moving my food around on my plate, and then generously offering everyone at our table and even those seated close by the opportunity to try what I had ordered, describing its taste like someone hosting an infomercial, I could tell that Ethiopian food was so 2010.

 

 

It had shown the world the many ways that sand, clay and brush could be transformed into dishes with varying amounts of moistness… some merely damp, others entirely soupy.  And now there would be something new… something with even less appeal than eating what falls on the floor of the African continent.

 

These multicolored pastes and play-doughs, it occurred to me, had been brought from the Horn of Africa to Manhattan for no discernable reason other than to provide upscale foodies a taste of what it feels like to be malnourished.  I decided that I would endeavor to impress my friends back in L.A. by finding out which country’s cuisine was likely to become the next trendy eatery for the recession-proof, restaurant addicted segment of our population before I left town.

 

I asked around… nothing.  I tried the Zabar’s shoppers, and still… no ideas.  Then, I figured that maybe the best way to find America’s next trendy dining experience might be to check the other countries where starvation has traditionally flourished.  Would there be restaurants serving food from Darfur or Somalia, for example?

 

Doesn’t it just figure that in this country, where we have so much food we that throw away inconceivable amounts on an hourly basis and literally pay farmers millions of dollars not to grow stuff… that we’d have trendy intellectuals gravitating towards the trappings of the impoverished?  It’s a lot like the untold millions of Americans who claim to be, “lactose intolerant.”  Is anyone lactose intolerant in Darfur?  I’m thinking… not, but what do I know?

 

So, unable to find anything worse than Ethiopian dining to hang my hat on as being the next new thing, but with the rich getting ever richer in this country every day, I started thinking that perhaps I should design the next trendy chic haute cuisine for those with discerning taste and sophisticated pallets, and open a restaurant myself.

 

But what could be even more primitive than eating Ethiopian style? It’s hard to beat sand and clay for dinner in terms of making a foodie with bank feel like he or she’s living large.

 

And then it hit me… Cuisine de Composti… A menu of delights made exclusively from refuse.  The toniest locales could have their compost trucked in daily… fresh from Central Jersey, or in LA’s case, flown in fresh from Fresno.

 

 

Perfect!  What’s even worse than eating in Ethiopia… eating right here at home in these United States.  Heck, we’ve got closing in on 50 million on food stamps and at least four million homeless already… by next year those numbers will have both gone up.  I’ll market the chance to experience the dining during America’s Great Depression, Part 2, to those not being given the chance to participate in it.

 

Opening the restaurant won’t cost much because it will be in a foreclosed and already decrepit building that we could be evicted from any day now.  We’ll keep trying to get the same postponed and letting the patrons know what’s happening so they’ll never know when the sheriff might arrive and have them removed… how exciting for them.

 

This is going to be huge… a way for the rich to live like the poor, but instead of Ethiopian poverty, we’ll let them experience what our own country’s poor people get to taste and smell every day.

 

We could call the place… La Maison des Ordures (French for “House of Garbage”), and I’d write the first review…

 

New LA Dining Experience Says You Won’t Refuse the Refuse at

La Maison des Ordures

 

I recommend the Rancid Chicken in Curdled Cream for sure.  Consider starting with the Romaine a’la Ptomaine, which is the chef’s signature salad. 

 

For meat lovers, don’t miss out on trying the Putrescence of Pork which is prepared with a Diphtheria Glaze, as it is something you’ll likely remember for days or even weeks afterwards.  And what this place does with its Decomposing Flap-Steak Fat is already said to be inspiring chefs around the world.

 

Don’t forget that upon request any of the meat dishes can be prepared to be served “extra rank,” which uses a rub made from a balanced blend of “miscellaneous droppings, lint scrapings and soap powder.”

 

Other popular items include the Stinking Fish with Reeking Cheese Potatoes, and for the real gourmand who isn’t allergic to petroleum-based products, the Eel du Oil is in a class by itself, but check the signs in front of the Arco across the street before ordering, as the price of this dish does fluctuate.  And for pasta lovers don’t pass up the Petrified Noodles, which are traditionally served with various larvaes in a mucous-based marinara… portions are generous so consider ordering one dish for the table and sharing.

 

On the lunch menu is the Canine Rigatoni, it’s a brand new addition so ask your server for details, and there’s a fabulous Hirsute Herring Chowder, which is served unshaven with what we assumed was a selection of moldy breads and dried out sponges. 

 

And for either the children, or the un-tenured assistant professors from New York City College, along with any other budget conscious guests, there’s the always hearty, “Fetid Franks & Things,” a casserole dish that looks every bit as interesting as it smells.

 

Desert is certainly worth leaving room for… and the most popular are the Spoiled Crèmes in Kleenex, which is served sprinkled with a mix of coffee grounds, dust and acetaminophen… and who could forget, the dish that started it all, the Crème du Stench, which is truly a bouquet of aromas that shan’t be forgotten. 

 

And for those adventurous diners, who don’t mind diseases from south of the border, there’s the Lumpy Crème de Cagada, which for a few dollars more can be prepared without lumps but this does require about 20 minutes longer to prepare so be sure to order ahead of time.

 

After dinner, patrons are welcome to linger over a cup of what appears to be the restaurant’s own coffee, look for it to be listed on the menu as “Steaming Hot Brown Fluid.”  Its further description only says that it’s, “a proprietary blend,” and it seemed that by stopping short of disclosing what was exactly was being blended, our table’s after dinner conversation was much more lively than usual.

 

 

Or, maybe not.  I don’t know… now I seem to have lost my appetite…

 

Besides, I’m just thinking out loud.

 

Mandelman out.

Apr
20

Introducing 30 MINUTES OF TALKING – A Mandelman Matters Podcast

OF TALKING

A Mandelman Matters Podcast

 

Introducing a new Mandelman Matters Podcast… 30 Minutes of Talking.  Look for it Fridays… on Mandelman Matters.  Unlike Mandelman Matters Podcasts, which are in-depth interviews with subject matter experts, on 30 Minutes of Talking you’ll get… well, you get 30 Minutes of… RIGHT!

This week’s show focuses on the Obama Administration’s handling of the foreclosure and housing crisis, by examining the statements made during the press conference the administration held to announce the settlement between the 49 state attorneys general and the five largest mortgage servicers… even though it would be weeks before the settlement would actually be finalized and court approved.

To say the process lacked transparency would be dramatic understatement, and many have written about the shortcomings of the settlement’s terms, whether related to the monetary inadequacy or servicer standards.  I take no issue with either of those aspects, instead focusing in on the statements made by the administration that day when they prematurely announced that a settlement had been reached.  Their rhetoric represented a significant departure from anything we’ve heard over the last three years… and that makes it interesting.

This week’s show also features Talcott Franklin, the attorney representing RMBS investors… the solution to the housing and consumer debt crisis favored by Harvard professor, and former economic adviser to the Reagan Administration, Martin Feldstein, and even draws from words spoken by CNBC’s Diana Olick.

I hope you enjoy it… it’s supposed to be entertaining, but one never really knows.  Give it a try by making sure your speakers are turned up and clicking PLAY below.  And if you want to hear anything specifically discussed on a future show, email me at mandelman@mac.com.

30 Minutes of Talking… I do the talking… you do the listening. 

So, we both have a role to play.

 

Mandelman out.

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